I can't help but ask myself - does nicotine contain a 'happy' pill.
Does it prevent me from drop-kicking people for being stupid?
Does it raise my tolerance level?
Rather than take lives, I believe that nicotine SAVES lives. My tolerance level has dramatically decreased and my realization that some people - with whom I have regular contact - I should not have ANY contact with....for their safety of course.
What am I rambling about? I have rambling about the complete lack of common sense that I realize is constantly filtering into my life; the ignorance that I encounter on a daily basis seems to have increased TEN-FOLD; my ability to stay silent is decreasing with quickness.
Have I been blind for the past few years or is my withdrawal from cigarettes merely being projected in other directions? I would like to think that I am dealing with my smoking issues in a healthy and completely tolerance way - and my current irritation is merely a temporary glitch.
You be the judge....
Things that make me say, WHAT the HELL?
1. Military Girlfriends
Okay, okay. Maybe not ALL military girlfriends......but the ones in my current scope of vision are about to feel my wrath.
Say it one more time.....just. one. more. time.
"People don't understand how HARD it is to be a military spouse".
"I have to live every day like he deploys tomorrow"
"Military wife is my other job"
Oh. MY. GOD! Sit down and shut the FUCK up! Seriously, its your OTHER JOB! Are you serious???
My thoughts on this?
Get a life - because saying you are a military wife/girlfriend means NOTHING. It's not a job skill, its not a superpower, its not your meal ticket babe.
Get a job - and remember that HIS RANK has NOTHING to do with your ability to have a life, a career, and interests that are completely unrelated to the military.
Play the... "I have it worse card" ONE MORE TIME. Shut up. I have been through more deployments and TDY's before you left fucking high school than you will in his whole damn career. AND YET, I will be supportive and helpful....because no one likes the " well, I have it worse because" wife. If you decide to continue down that path.....beware.....you have been warned.
My God ladies.....have a little self-respect.
2. If you swim like a duck and quack like a duck.....
If you post pictures of yourself dressed like a stripper and post updates with the vocabulary of a 5th grade dropout and enjoy showing the FB world your bare ass.....well, *QUACK*
Honestly, why would you question why people are deleting you and why guys only ask you out because they think they are going to get lucky.....when you dress like a....hooker. Seriously.
You look and act like an ignorant hood rat. And you wonder why you are 34 years old and working at Hooters.
Smells like Daddy's disappointment and broken dreams.....
3. If you don't like it....why do you continue to involve yourself in it?
Complain about a situation, a job, a school, the welfare system. BUT if you complain and put down the very job, school or welfare system you are still affiliated with.....you are a hypocrite. And I can't respect you anymore.
4. I need smarter friends
I have noticed that my choice in friends in the past year or so, has been less than stellar. I seem to have been blind to the ignorance I have surrounded myself with. Time for a cleanse. Because I feel my IQ falling with every dumb comment they come out with.
Maybe I should start smoking again.
Or maybe this is Karma saying, "HEY!! There's still time.....time to drop the dead weight!
Friday
Tuesday
Cheese STRIKES AGAIN!
Processed Cheese, oh how I hate thee.
OK, here's the thing, I indulged in a little something that I have no done in many years and with good reason - I ate processed cheese. And here's the story of why that is NEVER a good idea. Ever.
Many years ago I had a bout of food poisoning. Oh, who am I kidding.....I had one of the worse experiences of my life! I lost 10lbs in 72 hours. The girl on the Exorcist was a delightful toddler, playing with her food compared to the pyrotechnics that my body produced. I couldn't walk, stand or move without something in my body becoming HIGHLY distressed.
I prayed that death would take me.....
And as I laid there on the cool bathroom floor, wondering if I would see the outside of a bathroom EVER again, a thought popped into my nauseated brain.....what the HELL DID I EAT????
The answer would come quickly....Processed CHEESE.
Rewind 24 hours.....
I was flying home on a Southwest flight - it was a cross-country flight and therefore had those cute, little 'lunch boxes' filled with 'lunchable' style crackers, hard salami, chips, fruit and CHEESE. Of course it was highly processed, preservative laden, fake cheese....but at least it wasn't in a can.
My mistakes:
1. Trusting ANYTHING pretending to be a dairy product that doesn't have to be refrigerated.
2. If you can smear it without a knife.....it AIN'T CHEESE.
3. It shouldn't taste like plastic mold. PUT.IT.DOWN.
Instead I chose to ignore all my spider senses that were going off like fireworks as I opened and preceded to eat said cheese-like substance. Awesome. Stellar choice-making abilities once again.
The flight was uneventful.
The ride home was unevetful.
The evening at home was uneventful.
At the stroke of midnight I began what I can only describe as a spiraling decent to the bowels of hell. Literally....the BOWELS OF HELL. With every gut-wrenching heave of nausea, I cursed that damn little packet of cheese masquerading as a little pocket of EVIL.
Present day.......
I ate some Hickory Farms processed cheese last night. Anyone care to guess how I'm feeling this morning?
That GODDAMN CHEESE!!!!
If I didn't know any better I would say that it is out to get me.....because I wasn't the only to eat it and I was the only to suffer from it.
Really....and no cigarettes either. AWESOME.
Fuck this shit.
OK, here's the thing, I indulged in a little something that I have no done in many years and with good reason - I ate processed cheese. And here's the story of why that is NEVER a good idea. Ever.
Many years ago I had a bout of food poisoning. Oh, who am I kidding.....I had one of the worse experiences of my life! I lost 10lbs in 72 hours. The girl on the Exorcist was a delightful toddler, playing with her food compared to the pyrotechnics that my body produced. I couldn't walk, stand or move without something in my body becoming HIGHLY distressed.
I prayed that death would take me.....
And as I laid there on the cool bathroom floor, wondering if I would see the outside of a bathroom EVER again, a thought popped into my nauseated brain.....what the HELL DID I EAT????
The answer would come quickly....Processed CHEESE.
Rewind 24 hours.....
I was flying home on a Southwest flight - it was a cross-country flight and therefore had those cute, little 'lunch boxes' filled with 'lunchable' style crackers, hard salami, chips, fruit and CHEESE. Of course it was highly processed, preservative laden, fake cheese....but at least it wasn't in a can.
My mistakes:
1. Trusting ANYTHING pretending to be a dairy product that doesn't have to be refrigerated.
2. If you can smear it without a knife.....it AIN'T CHEESE.
3. It shouldn't taste like plastic mold. PUT.IT.DOWN.
Instead I chose to ignore all my spider senses that were going off like fireworks as I opened and preceded to eat said cheese-like substance. Awesome. Stellar choice-making abilities once again.
The flight was uneventful.
The ride home was unevetful.
The evening at home was uneventful.
At the stroke of midnight I began what I can only describe as a spiraling decent to the bowels of hell. Literally....the BOWELS OF HELL. With every gut-wrenching heave of nausea, I cursed that damn little packet of cheese masquerading as a little pocket of EVIL.
Present day.......
I ate some Hickory Farms processed cheese last night. Anyone care to guess how I'm feeling this morning?
That GODDAMN CHEESE!!!!
If I didn't know any better I would say that it is out to get me.....because I wasn't the only to eat it and I was the only to suffer from it.
Really....and no cigarettes either. AWESOME.
Fuck this shit.
Friday
Oh snap!
As some of you might remember - from other blogs and Facebook updates - I was not amused by the subject matter or the attitude of my Chemistry class or Prof. In week one I could have sworn on my mother's life that this guy was the real life Sheldon, ( If you don't get the reference...we can no longer communicate); he came across as a cocky, arrogant ass who took pleasure in pointing out your stupidity, in terms of chemistry knowledge, or lack of.
However, Mr. "Steve" has become one of my more memorable Prof's and one I will actually miss a little.
Today's little commentary provided by "Steve" is quite possibly one fo the most amusing retorts I have yet to see from a Prof. and it is about time student's were called out for lazy, stupid responses to questions that really aren't that freaking hard!
*I can't write out the real question but I will give you the basic idea of it*
Question : Antacids and why they work.....
*Again can't REALLY say what she said verbatim....but it goes something like this....I SWEAR*
Student : They work on heartburn....(reiterates the question) and neutralize acid.
Prof's response: "Thank you for that high level view. Try another"
Oh.
My.
God.
Most amazing Prof EVER.
That made my freaking day!
No one was hurt in the telling of this story. Any resemblance to actual events is purely coincidental.
However, Mr. "Steve" has become one of my more memorable Prof's and one I will actually miss a little.
Today's little commentary provided by "Steve" is quite possibly one fo the most amusing retorts I have yet to see from a Prof. and it is about time student's were called out for lazy, stupid responses to questions that really aren't that freaking hard!
*I can't write out the real question but I will give you the basic idea of it*
Question : Antacids and why they work.....
*Again can't REALLY say what she said verbatim....but it goes something like this....I SWEAR*
Student : They work on heartburn....(reiterates the question) and neutralize acid.
Prof's response: "Thank you for that high level view. Try another"
Oh.
My.
God.
Most amazing Prof EVER.
That made my freaking day!
No one was hurt in the telling of this story. Any resemblance to actual events is purely coincidental.
Thursday
All shapes and sizes.
I'm the girl that sits at her computer on a rainy day and scans through all those soppy homecoming videos - I have yet to watch one that doesn't make me cry, nor have I ever posted one or admitted to watching one.
I watch a lot of silly, sad, amazing and funny videos; there is something slightly addictive to watching the reactions and actions of others. How would you react if you were at work and suddenly your loved one, who has been gone for months, shows up unexpectedly? Or what would your reaction be to your loved one shoved talc in your hairdresser and unknowingly you turn it on first thing in the morning.....yeah. I'm pretty sure ALL sharp implements should be removed from my reach at that point....
Curiosity and my strange imagination gets the best of me and I indulge in watching stupid videos online. However, I have recently started watching new clips, soundbites and other random news-related stuffs from sites like Reditt and BuzzFeed. Always good for a laugh or a "WHOA" moment. I have also noticed an increase in video clips on Facebook - posted by various friends and family.....and this is where is gets interesting.
You can always tell a lot about a person who is willing and able to be confrontational and argumentative online but not so much when face to face with someone. For some reason we feel protected and oh-so self-righteous when all we have looking at us is a computer screen. The quick-witted rebuttals seem effortless when we don't actually have to make eye contact with the person who has a different opinion from us. The nasty, snarky and appallingly rude comments and opinions, covering everything from politics, to sexual orientation, to life choices, are fodder for every small-minded and secretly bigoted 'friend' you have on ANY social network.
But is it the computer screen that gives them the ability to be so damn detached? Or are societal norms changing? Or have they ever changed?
A family member posted a video this morning that caught my eye: (Hopefully you can follow the link)
What happened to this gay couple?
The premise of the video (done by one of the those 'What would you do - 20/20 specials) is actors play the roles of gay couple with kids trying to have breakfast in a small restaurant in a small Texas town. The waitress, also an actress, makes it difficult for them to do so and eventually calls them out for being gay and asks them to leave.
The interesting part is the reaction of the bystanders.
Out of the 55 bystanders - 25 of then stand up and defend the gay couple. One even tells the waitress SHE is the one who should leave NOT the couple and their children.
GO TEXAS! BUT.....why only 25?? Why are we so focused on - ' not my problem, I should stay out of it' - that no one else stood up and said enough? Because I'm pretty sure that the same discrimination was occurring on your friends Facebook page or Twitter account, you would be all...MY CAPS ON, BITCH!!....
Have I miss judged the situation?
I cannot say, with any degree of certainty, that I would have stood up and made a scene - but I hope for all my blogging and social commentary on the subject; I would have stood up and called bullshit. Gay couples, like everyone else, just want to be treated the same. No special treatment....just treated with the same level of respect and disregard as we treat other strangers...lol.
When will we grow up and stop hiding? This issue isn't going to go away. Every day it gains more and more acceptance. Even the military is on board - offering benefits to gay AD and their dependents! About damn time! (but that is another blog post)
As much as I loved watching this video and seeing the conservative Southerners stand up for what is right - I was slightly disappointed that fewer people defend male gay couples and that New Yorkers are less likely to be as brave......
New Yorkers seem to talk the talk....but can't seem to walk the walk.....
It takes all shapes and sizes to make this world a more beautiful and interesting place to live. Unfortunately I can name a few 'shapes and sizes' that should be thrown far from the pool.....if you know what I mean.....*sulks back behind computer screen*
I watch a lot of silly, sad, amazing and funny videos; there is something slightly addictive to watching the reactions and actions of others. How would you react if you were at work and suddenly your loved one, who has been gone for months, shows up unexpectedly? Or what would your reaction be to your loved one shoved talc in your hairdresser and unknowingly you turn it on first thing in the morning.....yeah. I'm pretty sure ALL sharp implements should be removed from my reach at that point....
Curiosity and my strange imagination gets the best of me and I indulge in watching stupid videos online. However, I have recently started watching new clips, soundbites and other random news-related stuffs from sites like Reditt and BuzzFeed. Always good for a laugh or a "WHOA" moment. I have also noticed an increase in video clips on Facebook - posted by various friends and family.....and this is where is gets interesting.
You can always tell a lot about a person who is willing and able to be confrontational and argumentative online but not so much when face to face with someone. For some reason we feel protected and oh-so self-righteous when all we have looking at us is a computer screen. The quick-witted rebuttals seem effortless when we don't actually have to make eye contact with the person who has a different opinion from us. The nasty, snarky and appallingly rude comments and opinions, covering everything from politics, to sexual orientation, to life choices, are fodder for every small-minded and secretly bigoted 'friend' you have on ANY social network.
But is it the computer screen that gives them the ability to be so damn detached? Or are societal norms changing? Or have they ever changed?
A family member posted a video this morning that caught my eye: (Hopefully you can follow the link)
What happened to this gay couple?
The premise of the video (done by one of the those 'What would you do - 20/20 specials) is actors play the roles of gay couple with kids trying to have breakfast in a small restaurant in a small Texas town. The waitress, also an actress, makes it difficult for them to do so and eventually calls them out for being gay and asks them to leave.
The interesting part is the reaction of the bystanders.
Out of the 55 bystanders - 25 of then stand up and defend the gay couple. One even tells the waitress SHE is the one who should leave NOT the couple and their children.
GO TEXAS! BUT.....why only 25?? Why are we so focused on - ' not my problem, I should stay out of it' - that no one else stood up and said enough? Because I'm pretty sure that the same discrimination was occurring on your friends Facebook page or Twitter account, you would be all...MY CAPS ON, BITCH!!....
Have I miss judged the situation?
I cannot say, with any degree of certainty, that I would have stood up and made a scene - but I hope for all my blogging and social commentary on the subject; I would have stood up and called bullshit. Gay couples, like everyone else, just want to be treated the same. No special treatment....just treated with the same level of respect and disregard as we treat other strangers...lol.
When will we grow up and stop hiding? This issue isn't going to go away. Every day it gains more and more acceptance. Even the military is on board - offering benefits to gay AD and their dependents! About damn time! (but that is another blog post)
As much as I loved watching this video and seeing the conservative Southerners stand up for what is right - I was slightly disappointed that fewer people defend male gay couples and that New Yorkers are less likely to be as brave......
New Yorkers seem to talk the talk....but can't seem to walk the walk.....
It takes all shapes and sizes to make this world a more beautiful and interesting place to live. Unfortunately I can name a few 'shapes and sizes' that should be thrown far from the pool.....if you know what I mean.....*sulks back behind computer screen*
Wednesday
My humor will see my through....
I'm going to stay positive and I am going to succeed. I have found in the past that this can be accomplished better when one develops a sense of humor. Additionally, this can be greatly helped if you spend time finding things that amuse you and/or develop friendships that encourage your spastic type humor......or at least friendships that tolerate your childish, toilet-orientated, fart-joke-type, foul-mouthed attempts at humor.
Thank GOD I have a group of equally unhinged and childish friends. Bless you.
With that said, I have to bring to the attention of my viewers and various friend types my take on stop smoking tools and effective strategies offered up by those of the American Lung Association, the Langley AFB Health & Wellness Center and other associated programs.
*AHEM*
1) "Lower your caffeine intake" - it is believed that coffee (caffeine) consumption increases your want/desire/habit of smoking. I am sure this has been scientifically tested and proven. And rather than debate this little factoid, I would rather point out my take on the matter.....
FUCK YOU. Your argument is invalid.
2) "Knit a scarf" - Because apparently when you stop smoking you turn into Martha Fucking Stewart. If I pick up a pair of knitting needles, my next activity will not be knitting it will tracking down the dumb ass when thought of this and...well.....I need a smoke.
3) "It is important to remember that there is no magic pill that will make you NOT want a cigarette" - Well, now that we have a firm grasp of the obvious we can move on. We are people attempting to give up something as addictive as heroin - we are NOT stupid. Seriously, continue to talk to me as if I were 3 and I'm going to drop kick someone.
4) "Hang on dearly to a caramel apple sucker" - I'm not even sure how I feel about this one. I mean....hang on 'dearly' to a....huh? Apparently, we need to molest candy in order to beat a cigarette carving......*creepy*
5)"Walk in an old graveyard with the man you love" - Again WHAT? Is this supposed to be some messed up metaphor? Is this to remind us that the urges will stop when we eventually die. Seriously people take a damn anti-depressant.
I'm a slowly backing away from the list and the other helpful hints provided by the programs that are supposed to be helping me....because they are seriously starting to creep me out and damage my calm.
Thank GOD I have a group of equally unhinged and childish friends. Bless you.
With that said, I have to bring to the attention of my viewers and various friend types my take on stop smoking tools and effective strategies offered up by those of the American Lung Association, the Langley AFB Health & Wellness Center and other associated programs.
*AHEM*
1) "Lower your caffeine intake" - it is believed that coffee (caffeine) consumption increases your want/desire/habit of smoking. I am sure this has been scientifically tested and proven. And rather than debate this little factoid, I would rather point out my take on the matter.....
FUCK YOU. Your argument is invalid.
2) "Knit a scarf" - Because apparently when you stop smoking you turn into Martha Fucking Stewart. If I pick up a pair of knitting needles, my next activity will not be knitting it will tracking down the dumb ass when thought of this and...well.....I need a smoke.
3) "It is important to remember that there is no magic pill that will make you NOT want a cigarette" - Well, now that we have a firm grasp of the obvious we can move on. We are people attempting to give up something as addictive as heroin - we are NOT stupid. Seriously, continue to talk to me as if I were 3 and I'm going to drop kick someone.
4) "Hang on dearly to a caramel apple sucker" - I'm not even sure how I feel about this one. I mean....hang on 'dearly' to a....huh? Apparently, we need to molest candy in order to beat a cigarette carving......*creepy*
5)"Walk in an old graveyard with the man you love" - Again WHAT? Is this supposed to be some messed up metaphor? Is this to remind us that the urges will stop when we eventually die. Seriously people take a damn anti-depressant.
I'm a slowly backing away from the list and the other helpful hints provided by the programs that are supposed to be helping me....because they are seriously starting to creep me out and damage my calm.
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