Number 5. Yep. That's my current tally number. FIVE.
This is my fifth deployment. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of odd numbers, I'd prefer an even 4 or 6 - but 5 it is.
I have been a wife to a military member for 9 years. In that time I have been through 5 deployments; various TDY's & trainings; moved 5 times in 2 countries; and been divorced once and married twice. That last part is kinda hard to say out loud. While I'm not proud of it, I know I am a stronger person for it and happier than I have ever been.
It's a numbers game really. Life in the military makes you count life by months or years stationed in one place. Remembering a particular year or month by deployments or service commitments. How many months until the all important re-enlistment or commission; promotion or exam. Numbers and acronyms.
I have spent a great deal of time learning how to cope. In the beginning I was a mess. 9 years ago when I entered this life, I thought to myself, " How hard can it be?" Reality is a fickle bitch. In the beginning it was life as normal; scary at times, but normal. And then 'Murphy's Law of Deployments' came a' knocking. In short, if it was gonna happen, it will happen during their absence. And it did. I learned A LOT. And it was a hard lesson.
But five deployments later - I had my shit together. I learned my lessons. I found ways to cope. I had this.
But Murphy's Law of Deployments wasn't done with me yet. Not by a long shot.
I hope my regular readers - namely my regular civilian friends - will understand why I cannot say what the particular situation is; but know that it isn't out of some miss placed distrust that I don't tell you. It has much more to do with the fact that, as a military spouse there are certain things that should not be said in online forums and in the scheme of things don't need to be said. I hope you understand.
With that said - the past few weeks have been a bumpy ride. And my old friend 'stress' has shown up as my wingman.
Stress is a strange thing. In most cases I don't even realize that it is a factor in my coping skills or associated health. I rarely notice when I am dealing with stress - I just get on with it and suffer no repercussions to my health. Not so much now. Maybe that means I'm getting old?
Difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, over consumption of caffeine and nicotine and general inability to focus. Yep. That's my old friend stress. Well played my friend, well played.
I suppose recognizing the warning signals is part of the battle. I know it is there and I know what to do to counteract it. But ultimately, the true 'cure' to what ails me will be the arrival of my husband. Safe and sound. In our home. With us.
Until that time I will plod along.
Pour another cup of Joe.
And smile.....
Not much else I can do....but say this....
He's coming home.
