You are damaging my calm

.....I get it. You represent a government office. You are merely a clog in the machine. YOU are not responsible for the ridiculous inefficiency that is this department. But you ARE the person I am dealing with & YOU are damaging my calm.....

Just a few thoughts that were running through my head today. And here is why....

I spent the better part of the day trying to get two simple things done. One - a new dependent ID card; Two - get enrolled in the military dependent system. I figured that it would take a few hours. But Oh, MY GOD. I was wrong.

10:15 - Sign in. Take a seat. (You could almost smell the hopelessness in the waiting room) Even better we get to sit among rows of poorly designed but institutionally functional waiting room chairs. Awesome. With coffee in hand, I sit. And wait.

10:45 - The waiting room has grown. People file in quietly; desperately trying not to make eye contact, in case, god forbid, you actually are forced to smile or even say Hi. Can't have that can we. Smiling is contagious. * checking my watch *

11:00 - Still waiting. iPhone and Facebook no longer amuse me.

11:15 - HAMILTON!!!!!!!!!! YES!! Our time has come....Later SUCKERS!!!

11:16 - Sorry we can't help you. Due to our incompetence we didn't tell you the ACTUAL paperwork we require to complete this standard transaction. Come back when you have what WE need.

11:18 - I want to see your supervisor.

11:25 - Heading to Social Security Administration to obtain necessary information, that was kindly explained to us by above mentioned supervisor.

* 10 minute from start to finish with the Social Security Office. Who knew!! *

12:00 - Paperwork in hand.....Signing in. Again. This time there are NO seats and some of the same people are STILL WAITING. I die a little inside. And they look at me with a look of satisfaction and pity.

12:30 - Still waiting. Parker is ready to blow up.

12:45 - Two of the FOUR customer service personnel leave for lunch. Dear. God. Kill me.

13:15 - HAMILTON!!!!!! YES!!! Later SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

13:55 - Done. ID. Photos. Enrollment.

The following two hours were mercifully short, in which we spent going from department to department; filling out forms, clicking computer keys; offering up social security numbers; signing names and accepting congratulations for our recent nuptials.

Now, I am a reasonable person. I understand things such as short staffing; over- burdened systems; the need for security and proper paper work - I mean, what would we do without a paper trail that could paper a small classroom.
But what I can't understand is unhelpful, unapologetic customer service workers who would rather sit and giggle about their Saturday night than try and explain the current back-up. Or even offer the simplest apology for the wait & assure people they are working as quickly as they can. Instead, they stare impassively at the inquisitive customers, with slack mouths & uninterested attitudes.

We have an attitude because we have no idea why we are wiating for so long.
We are angry because you can't tell us how long it will be and you honestly don't care that we care.
We become frustrated because the information you gave us was wrong and you waited until the two hour waiting mark to tell us.
And yes, I DO want your name because you may be over-worked and don't care anymore BUT I DO. I have been there. I worked that job. But I wasn't half the BITCH you were.

You have damaged my calm.

Moving & Movers.

Moving is inevitable. Or is it. I suppose one could argue that you don't HAVE to move. Being content in one place your whole life is not only possible but practical & common for many people. But not everyone lives a lifestyle that isn't mobile at one time or another. Life happens. College, marriage, jobs, the military. Just a few possibilities. And when those changes occur and you have to move all you own to a different town, state or even country; you call a mover. And the real fun begins.

This ain't my first rodeo, princess.

I have moved multiple times - two dozen times at least - I have moved from house to house down the street; from town to city and back again; from state to state and from country to country....and everything in between. Big moves, small moves, international moves, combined moves, self moves. Moving myself and my family; moving friends; with friends; from apartments, to houses, to military housing, to European living. And yet, there is one common thread that ties all of this moving frenzy together.....Movers.

God bless 'em. Movers don't seem to change much town to town or even country to country. They seem to be pretty universal as is the moving experience.

Every move seems to begin at o'dark thirty and end well after the working day should be over. Armed with endless amounts of brown shiny boxing tape, pliable brown cardboard and grey packing paper; they arrive far too early in the morning or at least promise they will. Once they finally arrive, a constant flurry of packing, tape ripping and box-slinging fills the day. Of course there is always a regular schedule of breaks and water drinking to break up the monotony; not to mention the smoke breaks and friendly banter. Overall, movers are a special breed of hard-working guys that generally take pride in the speed and accuracy of their packing, loading or unloading of a shipment.

With this being said.....This most recent move was pretty standard; with a few exceptions. Of course. It's me.

The German movers were, of course, very efficient. I have never seen movers pack and load as quickly as these guys. In just eight hours, three movers had packed out 178 boxes and loaded all of them into five shipping crates, as well as cleaned up all the packing material carnage, taken an hour lunch break and dismantled and packed a dozen pieces of large furniture. But it appears this comes at a price.

All none of the boxes were itemized; I have absolutely no idea where anything is, no idea what is in any of the damn boxes. At least ten boxes have no stickers or markings so they are mystery boxes. My bed is in pieces because the movers in Germany broke a central piece and their American counterparts put it togehter incorrectly. Awesome. I have unpacked eight boxes thus far, and I have already found half a set of crystal glasses shattered and a broken lid to a cooking pot.

Le. Sigh.

I hate moving. Because in the end no cares about my things as much as I do; because of this no one takes as much care as I would when packing them.

*crinkle, crinkle*

Oh dear......

I should be doing something else, but I got side-tracked. I made the mistake of reading the opinions of fellow military wives, and after ten minutes I realized I was sitting at my computer - slack-jawed and wondering where these people come from?

Of course I just had to come here and release my inner "whineiness" before I write something every hateful to some of these people. Thank God for a blog.

~ Family first? What a wonderful thought; if only it were that easy. No, unfortunately when you have a spouse in the military; mission comes first. And please do not assume that because your spouse *has* to put the mission or job first, that they don't care about family, or that they do so lightly. IT'S the MILITARY; they have NO choice. Do you really think that they would prefer to work 16 hour days and never have time with their children or spouses? Of course not. But the reality of it is; they have to.

And yet that isn't what really irks me about the complaint so many military spouses use. Its that they seem to think that the military is the ONLY job that requires this of you. Really?

I have a brother-in-law that is former military; and not too long ago we had this same discussion. The civilian world is just as brutal. There are always deadlines to meet, or heavy workloads that must be maintained. If there is a project or a need to get some work related issue taken care of....the spouse has to put that before loved ones. Its a fact of life. The work load and ability to remain competitive is what keeps you in a job and food on the table. In this economy there are always 10 people waiting to take your job and probably do it faster and for less money.

And using the " well, at least your spouse doesn't have to be gone for long periods of time doing something dangerous" is not accurate, and its slightly ignorant too.

My closest friend has a husband who works away from home for 6-8 months out of EVERY year. He never knows when he is leaving, when he will be home, and how long he can stay at home for any one visit. His job is dangerous and often very lonely. He's a commercial diver.
I have another friend who is a firefighter/EMT - he has to pull 24/48 hour shifts weekly, and his job is inherently dangerous and random.
My brother-in-law works for a large corporation and although it isn't dangerous it often calls on him to leave home for business related situations with less than 12 hours notice, and without the knowledge of when he will return.

All of these cases are hard and carry with them hardship, and uncertainty - and guess what they don't get free housing, extra pay for being away from home, fam. sep pay, or hazard duty pay.

BUT - it does put food on the table, and offers stability which is the bottom line for many families, military or otherwise.

Look ladies, it sucks, I know that as it does for every other spouse in the world. But rather than point out where your spouse is at fault, take the time to thank them for what they have to go through to support YOU.

Seasoned Spouse?

A seasoned military wife? Is there really such a thing? And if there is what exactly makes you seasoned? I'm not sure I would want to be labeled as a seasoned anything - it conjurers up an image of a side of meat slathered in too many spices. What a great thing to be compared to - smelly, bloody tough piece of unappetizing meat -. I much prefer experienced or knowledgeable spouse. Don't you?

Sorry I get distracted easily.

Again, I have to ask what exactly makes you seasoned, or should I say, experienced? Is it time? I'm not sure if that really works. I have met many spouses that have more than 10 years in the military life. The majority fall into two categories - they are either bitter, or completely immersed in their husband's career that they have forgotten who they are or what they want. Of course there are always exceptions to that rule, and those exceptions are the wives I call friends. :)

Is it that they have a larger knowledge base than newer spouses? I suppose that is obvious, since spouses with more than 5 years are bound to have more information than a brand new spouse. Right? Well, not necessarily. There are many spouses that have been in for quite sometime, but have only experienced one or two PCS's and although they have a foundation of useful facts on certain bases, or stateside moves - they may not know about overseas bases, or extended TDY's, or (insert option here). It doesn't make them any less a military wife, however, it proves that time in does not equal all knowing.

Is it that they have a strong understanding of military protocol, standards, regulations...etc. Maybe. However, I pretty sure there are few active duty members that could quote all protocol, or reg. and know how it applies to each and every military member and their specific job req. Even if they did have such unlimited knowledge - it proves they have too much time on their hands, and need to get a hobby....with real people they can talk with.

So what makes you an 'experienced' spouse?

~ Admitting that you don't know everything - and taking the opportunities to learn from others who have been there, and done that....no matter how long you have been in the military life.

~ Common sense. You don't need a book on being a military wife to explain to you that most of what we go through can be dealt with using common sense. An experienced spouse will know that squadron rumors, or unsupported wife gossip is not a value tool in knowing how to deal with TDY's, deployments...etc. Common sense will be a key quality in any spouse, no matter how long you have been doing this.

~ Bitter. Who am I to talk right? But I'm bitter about stupid people, and retarded shit that only happens to me. I'm NOT bitter about being a military wife, or the associated crap that comes with it. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, and I have only myself to blame if I ever saw it otherwise.
Bitter, angry spouses should never been seen as a good source of info, or help. I don't care if they have been in 20+years, been to every base you want to go to, and have been through double-digit deployments. If they see everything as the glass half full, or everything that is wrong with their lives ins the fault of the military....BACK AWAY SLOWLY & RUN in the opposite direction.
Everything they tell you will be tainted with anger, resentment, bitterness, and out of date info - a lot changes on a base in 15 years.

However, they serve an important purpose - what not to be in 15+ years.

In my humble opinion you need all of the above qualities or outlooks, and some of the following ~ Faithful, honest, straight-forward, confident, committed, open, friendly, and most of all slightly crazy!!! :)Its not easy living the way we do; but it even harder being our active duty counterparts - never forget that.

~ Its not a super power; isn't not the the 'toughest' job in the military; we aren't special because of who our spouses are; its just different.~

Vandalism - Art of the Uneducated Dumbass

Vandalism - The art of underage douchebags without the ability to form whole sentences or even spell whole words. Most often this form of "art" or " writing" can be demonstrated by individuals with the mental capacity of a nat, and is often used to communicate to other similarly educated mental giants. The brightly colored paint of choice is usually chosen for its attention grabbing qualities; because most of these 'artists' have the attention span of Lewis Black after four cups of black coffee; and without the pretty colors they would lose interest in what they are painting and forget why they were there. These individuals can be recognized by there brightly-colored, highly flammable, puffy bomber jackets; jeans straining to remain belted to the ass, and are four inches too short; knuckle-dragging; and general drooling, blank-stared, mess of a kid. Oh, and they usually can be seen with female groupies - just imagine all that was previously described but with streetwalker make-up, and harpie screeching-like voice.

Too harsh?

Nah. Here's why.

In the past week there has been a disturbing trend of gang-related vandalism, and other related activity in my neighborhood. The new developed base housing - which took more than two years to build and develop- has been the target for thousands of dollars of vandalism in just a few days. This activity hasn't been isolated to the new housing division. The new playground equipment, and walking bridge has also been targeted.

Of course I don't live in the affect areas, and I don't have children - so you might ask yourself why do I care - and here's my answer.

1. I may not live in the housing division, but my fucking tax dollars paid for it, and now more of mine and yours tax monies are going towards the repairs. Just one garage door is $5000 to replace, and they vandalized several. Therefore, our tax money will be spent replacing the door, keeping military families in TLF longer because of the repairs to the houses, as well as the extra money going to contractors to fix, and re-paint. Lovely.

2. Gang activity. I come for California. I know gang activity. In my experience the gangs are a result of low-income, angst riddled, disadvantaged teenagers that have economic reasons for being involved in gangs. It might sound like a stereo-type but I have worked with some of these kids, and I can sympathize with their need to feel apart of 'family' and unfortunately a family can be in the form of a gang.

And yet, the 'wannabe' gangster of this base are ridiculous and would be crying like little bitches if they were dropped into the real life of gangs. What the fuck do you middle-class, military brats get from posing as "Bloods". Really? You won't last two minutes in the hood. You're attempt at creating the 'Hood' in base housing is laughable. And Highly annoying.

3. Now its personal. Not only is my money being used to fix your sad ass attempts at being gangster; but it is forcing children to play in the playground behind my building (because you fucked up the new one), but you are causing me to lose sleep, and I *KNOW* one of you little mistakes is living in my stairwell.
I was lucky enough to spent a night listening to you and your little science-experiments running up and down the stairwell, and then running around base trying to avoid the cops trying to find your assess.

I know where you live. I know who your piss poor excuse for a parent is. And I'm not happy. Not a good combination for you.

One more thing.....

Where the HELL are the parents!!!!!! Who leaves a 16 year old kid alone and expect them NOT to do something retarded? Don't EVEN try to justify it or play dumb. How at 2:30 am do you not hear, see, or know where your teenage child is? You self-serving twat.

You have made this personal. The flip-flops are coming off, and I'm going to beat some common sense into you.

Merry "whatever" X-Mas.

-- The 'X' is for JC on the Cross Hahahahahahaa. That's for you A. --

The bitch is in the House - let the bitching commence.

A little down this Christmas and I believe I know what has brought on my Holiday malaise; Germany. Sorry Germany. Its nothing personal; but I'm not sure we are good together. We are too different. I can't change and neither are you; but we can still be friends. Call me sometime.

I have lived overseas 15 out of my 30 years of life. I love all the amazing opportunities I have had, and continue to have that living overseas offers. And yet, I find myself falling into a funk. I feel slightly incompatible with my adopted country; although I know it is merely circumstantial and it will pass I thought I would write a list of why we can no longer see each. *makes me laugh to talk of Germany as a relationship....so suck it up and laugh too damnit*

~ Cellphones - Just take my word for it. Buying minutes is insane, and getting a plan is highway robbery! Aaron's iPhone bill is killer. Not to mention all the freaking message services are in German. Gah.

~ Getting Gas - Uh yeah. Gas cards are ridiculous, time-consuming, and never work properly. This week someone genius put in the wrong numbers for the price change and it deducted $7.00 a gallon on people's ration cards. Epic. Fail.

~ Shopping - Now this is a Catch-22 situation. Although it is freaking awesome to buy certain items in Europe; it comes with a downside of cost, and compatibility. If the dollars sucks against the Euro, buying in the economy will break you, and even if the Euro is weaker and we get more for the buck......not all European furniture or electronic items are compatible with US homes, and lifestyles.
On the flip side of this argument is if you can't or won't shop on the economy - you have the BX as the alternative....see next entry.

~ BX - Where do I start. Poorly stocked is the biggie...never enough of anything, and the stuff they do have is tacky,cheap, and highly flammable. The linens look like someone ate butterflies, pooped rainbows, and used a comforter to wipe their ass - comforters that are never in King size anyway so I don't know why I look or am so bitter. The clothing section is enough to make you fall into a epileptic seizure, or die laughing at the size selection and cost. I swear the people who order for this dept. are color-blind, bedazzler-happy, miniature FuBu wearing hoochies that have the fashion taste of a streetwalker. Yeah, its that bad. So bad I won't even start on the rest of the depts....I could be here all night.

~ German road system - ARGHHHHHHHHHHH. Imagine if you will a road that could only accommodate one and half car widths, factor in 80-90 mph speeds + ALL signs are in a foreign language you barely grasp + on-coming traffic + American sized vehicle. And the screaming commences. As does finding God. Autobahns Good. Country roads Bad.

I could, and probably will continue this later but for now I will stop. Germany and indeed, Europe is a amazing place. I would never regret my time here. However, as much as a German bride would be very out of place in US, and feel overwhelmed by the language barrier, cultural differences, and overall strangeness; we too feel that way here in Germany. We will always be friends you & I....but we can never be together. Forget me, you deserve better.

*Giggles*

M.U.L.E.

I'm not sure why this particular acronym has caught my, and held my attention - because let's face it folks...I have an attention span of a nat - but I have been mulling it over since last night. A friend graced us with his presence late last night, and in our very deep conversation -( yeah, it was about as a deep as a bathtub)- he mentionedn the acronym M.U.L.E.

Can you guess what it stands for?

Married.
Ugly.
Lesbian.
Enlisted.

You see my friend has just arrived at your current base, and he is single. We began to discuss plans for the holidays and he told us he would like to go skiing somewhere in Germany, but doesn't really want to go alone. So go with someone I say. It's not so simple he replies. And here why.

M.U.L.E.

Most of who you (i.e. "he") will meet will fall into on one or more of the above categories. ( If you find the categories offensive, we didn't make em up, so don't get your panties in a twist). His particular status must be lonely; as it prevents him from socializing with a large majority of the single people on base.

Anyway, folks I just thought it was an amusing acronym, and a little sad for my friend - therefore I felt the need to share his sadness, and my musings on the subject.

Enjoy.

Bitter, Table of one? Your table is waiting.....

Don't worry the costume isn't for me - but it does illustrate my blog for today; the bitter, meanness that seems to affect so many new military spouses, or spouses that move overseas. And before you spew any hateful comments my way; I do understand it is not an affliction that affects *ALL* military wives, but it is a disturbing trend that I and other spouses have recently noticed.

Military life is challenging. It is even more challenging for a young spouse, or a young spouse stationed overseas for the first time. I get it. Hard. Not fun. I hear ya.

However.....

Your bitterness and overly cocky attitude towards the life, and other spouses will only further your misery, and possible get you in trouble. Military wives have a slight pack mentality - its not pretty, but its effective - military wives will pull together when necessary, and protect their own as well as, "correct" their own as well. I have seen this first hand, and it does leave one staring at them in wonder.

For my regular viewers this is not targeted at any particular person, and/or incident, it's just a disturbing trend I have been noticing at work, on my wife forums, and my other social networking sites.

Here are a few little things ~~~

~ Reading and commenting on a specific military forum, and then telling everyone on ANOTHER forum that reading and commenting on said forum is " Bringing down YOUR I.Q." - Probably says more about you; since *you* are STILL posting and complaining about other wives on said forum. Take a minute and ask yourself if it's you, or the other spouses that have the problem? Mmmmmm.
~ No the military or your husband's squadron is *not* out to get you. It seems to be the folly of youth to believe that the world rotates around you. Believe it or not, you are the only who can hear the crowd 'booing you', and you are the only who can see the sun rising and setting from your asshole.
The problem between you and your husband's squadron is your ego. Too big. Take two reality checks and call me in the morning.
~ Your bitterness is not helping other new spouses coming into the life, or spouses that are moving to your current location. A PCS is scary enough without an over-bearing, bitter, misinformed Princess clouding their first impressions of the new base. You may not be enjoying it but that doesn't mean that other spouses shouldn't be given a chance to make up their mind about it without your biased bitterness.

The military life can suck. The military life can be lonely.

But....

It can be a unique and rewarding life if you remember one little piece of advice.

** Your AD spouse wears the rank. They do the heavy lifting. They take the real risk. YOU are along for the ride, and its up to you to make it worth all the other crap your AD spouse has to go through. Don't be bitter. Be grateful. And blaming other spouses for your shortcomings will only serve to piss fellow wives off - remember what I said about the pack.....**

Hooah.

IPods can't swim.

~ What do you mean and iPod can't survive the vicious cycles of a washing machine?? Are you sure it can't endure the lather, rinse and repeat of a extra clean washing cycle?
Little iPod is currently on life-support. I had to break the news to Aaron when he woke up. There was a moment of silence, and then a pleading look; the look that is given from husband to wife at times like these - " I swear I checked the pockets, hon".
Could this tragedy have been prevented? Yes. Kiss my ass ABU pockets.




~ When you move into apartment building, does your I.Q immediately take a nose dive, or are you always like that? Just curious? You know who you are, and if you don't everyone else does. Dumb ass.



~ But for this blog's purpose let's say it is PMS.

Le Sigh -

I. HATE. NIGHT. SHIFT. ----- Bitter, Table for one!

I want to smack the living shit out of you! ~ I despise you. ~

Yes, I said HATE. And NO it isn't a little "harsh", the word hate is around for a fucking reason. So is the word " F.U.C.K.". So yeah, I'm goin' use it. And unless you have worked nights or have lived with someone who works nights - Kiss my ass, you hippie, free-loving, PC dipshit.

I can't tell you how much better I feel! Thanks for listening to today's words of wisdom.

Really?

Really???

I know I should not care about other people's opinions. God, knows I have plenty of opinions of my own, and I happily dish them out to anyone who asks. I know that people are entitled to their opinions, and its a principle I am a big believer in. Yet, I am constantly overwhelmed by the urge to scream when I hear or read a ridiculous - sad- outdated-or moronic opinion.

I count to 10. And I walk away, or stop reading.

But today, I can't take it. I have to say something about the nothingness of other peoples opinions. I am sorry. I'm going to hell anyway, I might as well enjoy the ride.

1. No you are not entitled to park anywhere you want because you are an officer's wife. Shocking I know! Walk like the rest of us!

2. No - 'We' didn't get orders , YOUR spouse got the orders.

3. No - Being a military wife is not a ' superpower'! What are you 3 yrs old? - You are a wife, and you happen to be a military wife. That's it. I'm a military wife, but its a label, not a alternative reality.

4. 20 days is NOT a deployment. Yes, its tough when they are gone, no matter the length of time. But please do not label it as a deployment.

5. Do not belittle the sacrifices of other branches of the military because they do not deploy as often or for as long. Do NOT stereotype their families because you are too lazy or ignorant to take a moment to really get to know them as fellow military families. Do NOT assume that we are all ignorant, uneducated, or lazy. We are not.

I suppose I was a bit harsh in what I have just said, but let me say one more thing -

I come from an officer family - I never presumed to use the rank of my family. I do not get orders, my husband does, and it is my choice to follow him to next assignment - deployments being the exception. I have been through 4 deployments - I know deployments, 20 days does not cut it. I am proud of my life as a military spouse, but it is just that part of my life - it does not explain who I am or give me strength to do other things. Finally, I do not care who you are or what branch of service you are in - we need to help each other, not judge one another.


~ Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. - Walter Lippman.