Time capsule

It my hundredth post. To commemorate this blog I want to say a few words on me, and maybe mark where I am at this point. To recap on the craziness that is me and my life.

*Welcome to my blog. Welcome to the 100th Post. Welcome to who I am & what's on my mind*

So much has happened in my life since I started this blog. This blog was addition to several others that never really took on any life of their own. They were random spaces that I would occasionally post an enlightened comment and not return too until I was bored. But this one; this one is different. I'm not sure why. Maybe its an unexplainable need to vent, talk and share what is going on inside my head. All I know is it is my place. It is my little part of cyber space to blurt out what I need to say, my release valve, my voice when I'm not sure how to tell those around what I need to.

Thanks for listening.

Here is where I'm after one hundred blogs.....

I'm married. I have been for almost six years!!! They have a crazy six years and have shaped the person who writes to you now. I have grown-up, matured and found true acceptance. I never allowed myself to believe that I could find someone like Aaron, but somehow he found me and we never looked back. I'm truly blessed and forever happy. In the end that is all that matters the rest is just meaningless without him in life. And there is something incredibly comforting in that. - Love you babe. Always have, and always will.-

I have crazy family members. I love them all. I have never lost sight of how important they are, how much they have helped shape the person I have become and continue to be. They are strange, annoying, needy, unpredictable, and overwhelming - but they are there for me, and I for them. No matter how far I travel , I know I always have a home I can go to. There is a family I can lean on, there is hope and kindness that can only be given by those you raised you and loved you unconditionally. I have lost so many of those people, but I have to remember that for all I have lost, there is more to remember and more people who still remain. I love you all.

I have my great people in life. These people are not my relations but they are just as important, and at times I;m more grateful for their affect on my life. They are as much a part of my family as my blood relatives. They include my friends, my married family and everyone who passed through my life and taught me something. You are all my family. I will never forget your patience, kindness and acceptance of my quirks, my needy actions, and my endless moodiness. I would do anything for you. When a person can step back and look at the people in their and smile....life is good. And if that is only one person, that's all you need.

I am a military wife. I am endless proud to stand among this group of people and be counted. I'm proud of my husband's sacrifice and his commitment to something so much bigger than himself. This life doesn't define who I am, but it does make me thankful for everything I have and why I have what I do. I have meet some of the great people because of this life I share with my military man, and that is something few other people can say. Semper Fi, baby. Hooah.

I'm Latina. I know I don't look the part or speak the language with any kind of proficiency, but it who I am. It is my blood. It is my family history. I am proud to be Latina, and I try everyday to honor the tradition that I come from. I'm a Martinez Girl, there are 4 of us, and we are proud. My little sister and I will be the first Martinez Girls to get our college education and we will be proud to have Martinez on our degrees and hold our heads high! Muy bien!

No more regrets. No more fear. I'm here and I'm happy and I couldn't possibly ask for more in life. I know how fortunate I am. I'm blessed. I'm content. I'm happy to be called wife, friend, sister, daughter, and Latina.

I'm not afraid anymore.

Welcome to the world of me.

Fate, Luck & Too late for this shit.....

-- Anyone get the reference on the title....if so, you get a cookie. --

I am reluctant to believe that anything that happens in a person's life happens for no apparent reason. Can a person go through the trials and tribulations of life; over come hurdles, or rejoice in happiness without knowing that somewhere your life has taken a turn; not by mere chance but because it was meant to be? Fate, perhaps? A preordained course on which your life is meant to follow?

Is it that easy? Is it that simple?

Maybe not. But when you sit there, quietly wondering how you have arrived at this point; some random moment in your life - do you not wonder why? Aren't you the least bit curious...why now, why here?

If you are a regular reader of this blog - you know I'm about as deep as a bathtub - but I'm not sure I am able or willing to believe that I have either fucked up this bad, or been this freaking lucky! Out of all the possible choices I have made, of all the craziness I have blindly navigated through, and of all the people my life has - no matter how briefly intersected - been a part of; why have I chosen the way I have? How have I KNOWN to chose the right course for me?

I mean really folks....I'm not that in tune with reality most of the time....so how in the hell did I do it?

Not to mention how the fuck did I not see the crazy twats that would eventually cause me to even have this insane self-analysis of my life! I mean really...HOW.

In the end I suppose I have been incredibly blessed. My path crossed with his, and that's where my life truly began. Not matter who enters my life from that point on; I shouldn't worry where it takes me or who is responsible - because he will always be with me.

Deep man. Really deep.

These late night self reflections have gotta stop.

"The World is calling; are you available?"

Nah, take a message. I'm busy feeling sorry for myself.

That just sounds like a cop out, right? Yeah, I guess it is. I have been so concerned with how recent events have been affecting my family; how my actions have affected my friendships - that I forgot about me.

Sounds like a good start for some lame ass country song, huh? I guess all I need at this point is a boyfriend named Billy, a double-wide, and pair of Daisy Dukes. Wow, what an image.

I guess it's time to take that call.

When all else fails......

~ How come kids don't come with an instruction manual - it would save a lot of time and ass-whoopings. Right? Spoken like a true " Non Mommy" I hear you say??? Yep, absolutely! And here's my thoughts.

I have to give you Moms props. I spent one days with three great kids. I really mean that! They are really good boys, and if I was a Mom, and used to it, I'm sure it would have been a breeze! But I'm not a Mom, and I was exhausted by the time I got home. Therefore, I would just like to say.....

YOU GO MOM & DAD. You got mad skillz.

Thank God for you people. If it weren't for you, I would be forced to breed. And I don't think anyone wants that.

I suppose I never really gave the day to day thing much thought. I mean why would I? I have never had the urge to have children. Or maybe I have given it thought, and that was the end to any ideas of Mommyhood! I tell ya, you Moms and Dads have some crazy amount of patience, and restraint - LOL.

Seriously though - I am amazed how easy you guys make it look. The daily running of household seems like a military maneuver that I have never trained for, and somehow I think that I can carry said mission with the ease and grace as I have seen it carried out. Yeah. No. Silly, silly misguided crazy person!

I guess what I'm trying to say is -

Props. Mad props.

And Congrats you guys on the newest addition. He is a beautiful bundle of joy.

Just don't ask me to change the diaper.

I have the Dumbs to day....

I really do.

So here's the thing - um, I can't NOT figure out how to change my blog template and still keep all the goodies on the right. I have found several cool layout online, but for some reason they just won't take. STOOPID.

So, I suppose I either create a new blog, and start again. NOOOOOoooooo.

Or, I try and try again.

Neither option sounds good right now.

I'm like a child - I have the attention span of a nat on a sugar high. Its not pretty, I know.

I just don't care that much right now.

Watch this space - I might get smart over night, or use my secret weapon. I call it - Aaron. :)

Toodles.

Threes. They do not come in peace.

No sure what this has to do with anything today - but it made me laugh, and that's half the battle.

So, things come in threes. And I do believe that those things that come in threes are not good. Bad ju-ju. Bad. Is three an unlucky number? Is that why these happen or is it a strange coincidence? I think it karma, either that or the Big man upstairs -- insert appropriate deity -- is really pissed; or has PMS; because lets face it folks only women can multi-task, and keep grudges going.

What threes am I talking about, you ask.

~ One fried XBox 360
~ One dead iPod
~ One blown fuse & light bulb in the apartment -- A light bulb that managed to burn out and crash the fucking fuse for the WHOLE house at 1:30 am. Nice.

Electronics hate me. Anything that has to be plugged in, charged, or rebooted hates me. I swear to :: insert deity :: that its not just me. My husband thinks I should come with a warning label. You know the joke that says some people shouldn't be left around with sharp pointed objects? Well, I shouldn't be left with electronics gadgets of any description.

Believe when I say the irony of my current employment is not lost on me - I work in a computer lab -. I'm responsible for the computers and other random techie crap that make up this little lab. God help me if anything stops working. We be screwed! My boss man has an awful lot of faith in me. Poor guy.

So, now I am faced with buying a new iPod, and new XBox -- a new XBox will be the upgraded to the new Elite..mmmmmm, I wonder if the sudden demise of the game unit is not merely accidental after all.....-- as well as I will be doing battle with the light fixture in the bathroom in the hopes I can have light in there and not electrocute myself in the process; that or blow another fuse which plunges the whole damn building into darkness. My bad.

I can almost hear the electronics at home plotting my downfall.....

Skeletons in the wardrobe.

Scotland. It was home for long; so many memories. And now I am standing before an opportunity to go back and revisit old haunts, re-live old memories, and face some very nasty skeletons in my closet - but I'm not sure I can.

Have you ever come across an old picture, or old keepsake, and you are overwhelmed by the memories it holds? You take a moment and you sit down, and think about that one fraction of your life where that memory was forever made permanent by a photo. Or the action of keeping some small keepsake preserves a single second of your life.
I am sometimes overwhelmed by the power that these objects have over me. Maybe because the moment I have locked away as memories are at times heartbreaking. They represent a time in my life that I was not in control. I lost direction and I lost who I was.

And now, here it is. Eventually we all have to face something, whether it is a echo of the past or the idea of a future. We have to regain control; gain some kind of perspective over what has been, and what has yet to be. I suppose this is my time?

It sounds dramatic. Maybe is sounds a little pathetic. But what is if not emotional, or personal? These thoughts; these memories are mine, and therefore they are overwhelming. I haven't lead a 'normal' life, and nothing about my apprehension to revisit my past life is normal. Define normal?

I'm going to go. I'm going to hope that I make peace with whatever it is. After all, I'm a different person. I'm not a child; I can defend myself now.

Fasten your seat belts, this ride could get a little bumpy.

Fear and Loathing - An inner monologue

My inner monologue ~ Warning : I don't care and neither does my inner voice.

Don't act like you don't have one. In fact its tell you to keep moving through the blog entries; this one is going to inter ranting of a military wife with nothing much to do but rant anonymously online. You might want to listen to your inside voice.

Fear - Everything, really. I think in a past life I was a lemming. Maybe they have an inner monologue that sings ' I believe I fly...I believe I can touch the sky'.
Loathing - The freaking playground behind my building. I get it Mom and Dad its summer vacation and Little Johnny and Little Susie need to go outside and play. Uh-huh. Rather than have the little angels scream and yell at each other, and drive you to jump off a cliff - you send them outside to subject the rest of the community to the screeching little banshees. Oh. YAY.

My inner voice for today ~ Go ahead and stare at me one more time. I'm going to sit here and smoke a cigarette * gasp* did she say cigarette! YES. I have few vices and smoking is the difference between surviving a deployment and scrubbing bathroom tile until my fingertips bleed. - I'm sure there are few military wives out there that will relate - I digress. ( Get used to it, it happens a lot)
So, as I was thinking, I am going to smoke on my balcony - the every same balcony that overlooks the playground. I'm going to sit here and smoke, and read another few pages of a book - you know, a book. the series of bound paper with words on it?-
So my book. My smoke. My comfy chair. And my water bottle. And you. Shit.

Your attempt to glare me back into my house because I'm smoking is a little freaky, but mostly laughable. In order for me - the homeowner- to go back into the house because you - annoying fat lady- doesn't like little Johnny being around smoke - I use Little very loosly - an act of Congress will be needed. So until that time. Bite. Me. - Which is not unlikely she looks hungry.

This is my life.

Welcome. Leave your sanity at the door.