It's that time again folks. The weather is getting cooler, leaves are falling, pumpkins are being picked, deployment gear fills the family room.....wait...what?
Yes. It is time.
Strange how you forget the nervous feeling you get when you picture the inevitable day you stand at the window; waving Goodbye to your loved one; praying that you will strong enough not to cry, or break down....because you can't. You have to stand there and be strong. You have to show your loved one that you do this. But when that door closes. When they disappear from view and you find yourself in a quiet moment away from everyone. You do cry. You do break down. And you ask yourself that one question; ' What now?'
Deployments suck.
But here is the reality of the situation.
This is not my first rodeo. I have been there and done this five times before. And I have learned three important things.....
- It NEVER gets easier. Never. Of course you learn new coping skills, but in the end the stress; the feelings of loneliness and anger never really go away. If there is a military spouse out there that can look at you and say it gets easier or you look forward to time alone.....well, they are either lying to you or themselves. All you new wives out there - take heed....this sucks and it will always suck.
- With all that said. The second thing I have learned is this - YOU LEARN TO DEAL. You find a routine. You find ways of staying busy, becoming involved, cooking for one, going to the movies alone, eating at a restaurant alone, sleeping alone....you become independent like you never were before. And you will always be proud of your life as a military wife & the sacrifice your spouse is making. You become SUPER military wife....no job too big or too difficult.
- You learn SO much about yourself and the things you can do.....that you would never have done before. I have never been as proud of myself as when I fixed a water heater in the middle of winter....or the time I spent two days cleaning AND fixing a flooded basement.....or when I changed a tire.....or moved and unpacked our house in a new place...knowing no one!. I did it. Me. The sense of pride and accomplishment helps you get through anything.
The time for talking about a deployment is coming to an end. This is happening and it is happening soon. Nothing can stop it. There is no amount of pleading, crying, or wishing that will make this go away. So what do you do? DEAL. Deal with it. Make the most of it.
I might sound all ' WOORAH ' or like a bad after school special. But there is nothing else you can do but pull on the big girl pants & face this head on. I will pull on my previous experience and get through it; I will make plans; I will support him as much as I can; I will ask for help and cry when I need to; I will remember that I have the easy job...I don't have to leave home & everything I love; I will make cookies and send care packages; I will make weekly morale calls to other spouses who need help; I will email him everyday and tell him I love him; I will stay busy......I will.
Never pity a military spouse. Comfort us. Encourage us. Cry with us. But never look at us with pity or talk about us with pity. We took on this life knowing what it was. We signed the dotted line when we said 'I do'. We knew that this day would come. As will many other days when we shake our heads and say, ' why did I say I DO'; but then again why wouldn't we. We love our spouse and are proud of their sacrifice; this is just a small price to pay.
Bring it on.
** Family types...if you are reading this.....more information and specifics will be passed onto you when we can and when we have a firm date**
