Scotland. It was home for long; so many memories. And now I am standing before an opportunity to go back and revisit old haunts, re-live old memories, and face some very nasty skeletons in my closet - but I'm not sure I can.
Have you ever come across an old picture, or old keepsake, and you are overwhelmed by the memories it holds? You take a moment and you sit down, and think about that one fraction of your life where that memory was forever made permanent by a photo. Or the action of keeping some small keepsake preserves a single second of your life.
I am sometimes overwhelmed by the power that these objects have over me. Maybe because the moment I have locked away as memories are at times heartbreaking. They represent a time in my life that I was not in control. I lost direction and I lost who I was.
And now, here it is. Eventually we all have to face something, whether it is a echo of the past or the idea of a future. We have to regain control; gain some kind of perspective over what has been, and what has yet to be. I suppose this is my time?
It sounds dramatic. Maybe is sounds a little pathetic. But what is if not emotional, or personal? These thoughts; these memories are mine, and therefore they are overwhelming. I haven't lead a 'normal' life, and nothing about my apprehension to revisit my past life is normal. Define normal?
I'm going to go. I'm going to hope that I make peace with whatever it is. After all, I'm a different person. I'm not a child; I can defend myself now.
Fasten your seat belts, this ride could get a little bumpy.
