I usually don't harp on and on about the issue of child free vs. having children; despite the fact that this blog is dedicated to the life of a child free military wife. Believe me, I'm laughing too.
However, over the past few weeks I have been observing a lot of discussions, and situations which involve the idea of child free vs. Mommies. As much as I try to stay of the "mosh-pit" child free debates; I felt the need to throw my hat into the ring, and offer my opinion up to the Internet community.
As I have pointed out numerous times - I'm a child free military wife - not an easy position to be in; if you know anyone or anything about the military lifestyle you will know that we are a VERY small minority. And it is the basis of my current thought-process. Military lives and children seem to be a oxymoron, or a contradiction. As a dependent of a military man, and former military brat; having children in the military can be a difficult challenge and at times heart-breaking. The extended time away, the long work hours, the uncertain work schedules, the constant change of station, the inconsistency and overall worry. Sound like a child friendly environment?
And yet, the majority of military folks have children, and they make it work. It can be done, and I applaud the couples that make it work.
My point to all of this is the a certain form of discrimination that follows us child free spouses -- our choice not to have children is as personal and meaningful to us as the choice to have children is to other spouses. And yet, we are treated differently once people realize that not only do we not *have* children; we don't *want* children. I always felt like I was imagining it; I thought that many of the other wives I didn't "hit it off" with was due to a personality conflict, or we just didn't have enough in common to maintain a friendship.
However, it slowly dawned on me that it wasn't just that I didn't have kids.....but it was because I didn't want them. Really? How can so many parents look at us and tell us we are too judgmental of their choice to breed, when you look at me and judge me before you take the chance to know me?
Our child free communities, chat rooms, groups,etc.... are all too often stereo-typed by parental figures as being naive, bitter, barren, selfish people who hate children. Without a doubt there are certain groups that are pretty brutal and militant about their views on children; but there is so much more to us... there is so much more to me, and the majority of child free folks.
The bottom line - The majority of child free people and couples do not judge your choices, and only ask to be treated with the same friendly acceptance you show your fellow parental units. We don't judge you - don't judge us.
