I may be a lot of things. I may be slightly neurotic, and may be a little childish. I may present an image of naivety; wonder through your life with a smile and a laugh. In short there are a lot of things I have been labeled as, and even more that I gladly accept as a perfect label to describe me. I wear them as badges of honor. After all there is no greater complement or pleasure - for me anyway- than having those who you care most for describe you with such open honesty, and love.
Yet, as always in my life, there has to be one fuck up. There has to be one that takes my trust and steps all over it. And you know what?.... I'm tired of being a door mat.
I suppose I should give this person the benefit of the doubt. But there was just a tone, an attitude to her voice that just set me on edge. There was just something in her voice that made me think that she didn't really believe me. Maybe I'm too sensitive. But I really think I'm being played here, and I don't appreciate it. I accept a lot from people, and even more from those who I love, and care for. After all you guys put up with so much....I know I'm not easy to be around sometimes. LOL. I can test the patience of a saint.
But there is one thing I can't abide by: someone questioning my integrity.
AS I have said before I can be a lot of thing to a lot of people. I can be annoying and selfish; I can be silly and childish, and I can even be a righteous bitch. But I will never be dishonest or do anything deliberately hurtful to you or yours. I would never go behind your back and say or do anything that would make you question my trustworthiness.
More to the point I can't believe that a friend would think that I would do anything remotely hurtful. Never. My friends are my family. You all mean the world to me, and I'm hurt, deeply so, that someone who think I could be so obnoxious.
The bottom line here is I was warned. I was warned by those in my life who really care about me. But I didn't listen. I thought that I could handle the situation and this person on my own. I was wrong. And yet, there is a little part of me that can't help but wonder if I'm being over sensitive to the whole thing. That maybe I should give her a little more slack. That I should be more supportive.
But I'm tired of being more. I'm just me. And you shouldn't have to ask. I'm always there.
