And of course, the subject of this entry is a shameless steal from fellow blogger " Single Dad Laughing' author Dan Pierce.
Dan - you inspired me to be honest about something - so I hope you aren't too offend by my shameless stealing of blogger awesome. :D
And since we are on the subject of thanks and forgiveness - I hope that those of you who know me; understand my reference to things we have talked about & that you are my other inspiration for this entry.
<------ That's me. Wonky Smile and All. Hello Blogger World!
If you look at this picture and say to yourselves; " Wonky Smile?...What wonky smile?" I will tell you, or at least think to myself, can't you see it? It's right there. One eye slightly more open than the other. One side smiling just a little more than the other. It's RIGHT THERE!!! But maybe you didn't see it. And now you do. And really, do you care? DO I care? Should I?
I do. I see it. I can sit quietly at a mirror and point out, one by one, all the little flaws and changes to y face. All the little lumps and bumps of my body. All the little imperfections the world has taught me to dislike......and secretly yearn to change. Everything that makes me unique; are just reasons I *think* I need to change. To smooth out; to lose in a frenzy of exercise and diet; to erase from my face with copious amounts of make-up; to alter into a vision of perfection. Society's vision of perfection.
But I don't change. I don't alter. Because deep down inside my lumps and bumps; my heavy hips and wonky smile make me unique. They make me who I am on the inside. I have learned to say that....to think that.....to love myself.
I am a big girl. Yes. I have been big and round my whole life. I am the only one in my family - the family I grew up with - to be big. And dare I say.....fat. Dirty little word, fat. But if I'm going to be honest - Fat is what I am. I jiggle. I wobble. I have parts of my body that move on their own....long after I have stopped moving. Yep. I'm fat. But I haven't always been ok with that. No, I have lost over 70lbs. Quite the accomplishment but underneath all that weight I was still the same person. On the inside I was still the big girl. I was still different from everyone else. Just packaged a little differently.
I'm going to do something very brave right now. I'm going to post a picture that makes me cringe every time I see it. I'm going to let you in on a secret too. Look at this picture and tell me what you see?
I see two people.I see Parker and I.
But more than anything I see 3 chins. Like a penis with a smile.
I see imperfections.
I see fat.
I see nothing I could love.
But......maybe I don't really see that. I see something else.
I see the man I love. I see the man who saved me and the man who loves me....imperfections and all. But most importantly I see a picture that my husband adores. He tells me it is one of his favorite pictures of us. And I want to see that too.
So maybe I need to see me for the person everyone around me sees; see the person my husband sees; to open my eyes and love what I see.
And for the most part I do. Seeing yourself through the eyes of others can be painful and brutally honest. You might see an ugly side to yourself. You can see more of yourself than you are willingly to admit. You will see all the lumps and bumps - these things you cannot hide to those you know you best.
See me.
See how I don't care.
See me.
See me for everything I am because I see you for everything you are and I love it.
So should you.
See me.
See yourself for everything I see you as.
See me.
See that no matter how much you hate yourself; I love you.
See me and I make no apologies.
Hello Blogger World! Hello!! I am Kristina and I am big and I am awesome. Open your eyes and see what truly makes you beautiful; not what society tells you.....but what you know to be beautiful about YOU.
Add, remove, change and alter all you want - but in the end you cannot change who you are - you have to love what your ARE not what you think you should be. That is something that goes beyond the superficial exterior - there is no diet or surgery that can change the person inside. Love THAT person. Because everyone around you does.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall...who is the fairest of them all? *YOU*
