Day 9 - Bells and Whistles.
After awhile you forget
what if feels like; how did your face react or feel like before? Is
your face really showing signs of improvement? Or is that just a trick
of the light or your face just relaxing enough to show a small sign of
life?
This is Day Nine. And I will update with
questions. Question asked by people I know & questions that buzz
around in my head all day. Welcome to my World......
What are my limitations?
I sometimes feel like a
fraud. I do not have a life-threatening illness; I am not handicapped; I
am not disabled. But yet, I am unable to do the simplest
things.....normally. I feel a little trapped as a result.
Example
- Reading. I am a full time student; or I was until this hit me.
Reading is a necessary evil of all college work, but even more so for a
distance, online learner. EVERYTHING is read. However, due to a wonky
eye -( that opens, but does not shut without significant effort on my
part ) - my eye waters badly, thus blurring my vision and causing
double-vision. The strain on my eye; the constant re-focusing; the
tearing.....all causes me to become overly frustrated and resulting in
pain.
But I suppose I feel because no one else can truly understand or see the pain and dysfunction within I am a fraud. Whatever.
Changes in my condition?
I
am experiencing more pain in my face. It feels as if I have gone ten
rounds with Mike Tyson. It is a strange sensation. Imagine being hit in
the face and you feel swelling and bruising but no discoloration. That's
how it feels. The littlest touch to my face causes discomfort. Applying
makeup or lotion is an exercise in patience and pain tolerance.
My
eye doesn't seem to be damaged. The main concern for Bell's Palsy
suffers is the cornea becoming dry & scratched, which in turn, will
cause permanent damage to the cornea and sight.
Eating and
drinking are easier...I think. Either that or I have become used to
using straws, covering my mouth when I eat and using small spoons
instead of large forks to shovel food into my face.
I still tire
easily. Although I want to keep going.....my body tells me I am tired
and my face becomes irritated & painful.....so I have to rest.
SIGH.
Talking becomes tiring after a while. I think my wonky
side becomes swollen and the opposite side becomes
overworked....resulting in a slurring, drooling mess that is not easily
understood.
What is my general mood today?
Despite
the absence of my usual humor, I am ok. I can't let this get me down. I
won't let this get me down. I'm in it for the long haul; and with that I
can't allow myself to become so easily downtrodden or hopeless. There
are people in this world that suffer worse fates, illness and condition
than my own.
Wonky Smile keeps smiling. Pass the bib.
