Wife of O-6 told to stay away from BCT families - Army News | News from Afghanistan & Iraq - Army Times
How disappointing. How utterly morale-crushing. What were you thinking?
There was a time that I acted as a Key Spouse for a family morale program. At first I was frustrated at the lack of participation by our families. And then, slowly, I realized that participation was a dirty word for many of our families. Why? Because of people like this.
Being a military spouse can be lonely at times; moving to a new location every few years; starting fresh with new employment; changing schools often and spending long periods of time alone due to military deployments and other random exercises. Involvement in a spouse group or family readiness group can often be an opportunity for a new spouse at a particular locale, to meet other spouses and learn more about the area, the services available & find support during transitional times.
That's the idea, anyway.
But all too often spouses find their experience with such groups as demoralizing, due in large part to one leading spouse that is overbearing, overcritical and in this case, threatening. A military spouse should have the opportunity to interact with such groups in a causal way; without the sense that in doing so, they are representing the career of their active duty counterpart. A military dependent spouse is just that. They are not the active duty member. They shouldn't feel that engaging a family support group effects the career of their spouse. Whether they chose to join or not, should not reflect their commitment to their spouse's unit, squad or branch of service. Participation in an FRG or other spouse orientated group is exactly that - for the spouse.
And here is where this all falls down. This spouse, this officer spouse, used her husband's position to act as leader of this group - which in itself isn't too terrible if she saw a need and wanted to genuinely help fellow spouses - but more importantly, she used her husband's position to intimidate fellow spouses & cause a demoralizing atmosphere during an already difficult time for many of these military families - deployment.
It is situations such as these and experiences such as this that prevent spouses from interacting in other spouses groups in the future. And why not. I wouldn't have any interest in joining another group if my first and last experience was that of power-crazed O wife, telling me that I wasn't loyal enough to my spouse and his career, or that I could cause my spouse to lose respect and job security of I didn't play her game.
However, there is a flip side to all of this. No matter how powerful you *think* you are as an O wife, or a commander's wife; you CANNOT effect that type of change. And if you can, there is a lot more wrong with your commander or O spouse - they represent the military as an active member; they cannot and should not effect the career of a military member on the deluded recommendations of their bitter spouse.
So I ask you.....who is more at fault here - the wife or her husband?
Could his wife have acted in such a way if he had simply told her that she cannot act in such a way & in doing so she was permanently damaging HIS career and reputation & respect of his men?
By condoning his wife's behavior he allowed her to act with impunity; and therefore, does he not bare just as much responsibility as his wife?
I take stories like this and I remember them. Let it serve as a reminder to all spouses - you are a spouse, nothing more, nothing less. You can proudly support your spouse and his job, but you are not the military member. You did not earn that rank and you do not have the right to treat people with anything LESS that respect that is owned to any human being. Your spouse's career in the military does NOT define who you are.....ever.
