Yes. As sad as it is, this seems to be my only place I can currently vent my frustration. Partly because I have yet to figure out where to go with my current emotional dilemma and partly because the party it concerns is not reachable at this time.
I have always been a laid-back kinda girl. I take everything in and decide whether it is honestly worth my time and effort. Usually, it's not. I'm lazy and believe that there are so many people out there that do not deserve my time or effort. Problem solved.
However, over the years I have realized that people see this lazy, laid-back approach to my life as a sign of weakness or complete obliviousness to the things that go on around me. That is a mistake. I am fully aware of everything; I just CHOSE to ignore 95% of the drama, silliness, ignorance that so many people find appropriate. I think that this ability was shaped by my experiences growing up as a 'big' kid. If I listened to half of the mean comments and childish attempts at making fun at me - I would have gone in another direction......as it is I have come through life as a reasonably well-adjusted adult and I have a high sense of self-worth and confidence.
And yet, people still mistake my easy-going nature as being weak or an easy target. For shame. Even worse, people believe that because of that misconception they can take advantage of me and I won't notice. Word of warning - I have not made it as far as I have; been through what I have been through - because I'm helpless and oblivious. And I certainly am not about to start losing it now.
I know who you are. I know what you are.
My Nana always told me that life gives good people, good things and it often comes when we lest expect it. Another wise woman also told me that the best revenge is living life well. Wise women indeed.
I think of you and I want to slap you. Really hard. And ask you why? Why do you feel it is necessary to pee on my parade. Has your life changed so much that you need to meddle in others? What gives you the right?
For a brief moment I shed tears over you and this situation. I questioned myself and my life. AND I NEVER done that before. Not EVER. And what I got in response was tears and self-doubt. Well no more. I am who I AM. I am Me. And you are nothing.
I do not place the blame squarely at your feet. The other half of this equation will be dealt with in my own time.But I ask you - do you have no self-respect? Are you so pathetic that you need to invade someone else's happiness. I think we both know the answer to that question. YES. On both accounts.
Let it be known I'm not going to give in or give up. I am hurt but not broken. I will not be made a fool in front of my friends and family. My life is not a joke and my future is not to be messed with. You have been warned.
