* To my regular readers - this blog is personal...maybe too personal. But it is that time of year, I guess. The birthdays and anniversaries of those no longer here. And I guess it got to me. I just needed to release; isn't that what a blog is for??. Pay me no mind....*
Where are you when I need to most?
I need your guidance. I need to hear your calming voice. I need to hear the voice of reason.
I don't hear it anymore and I miss it. I miss it so very much.
I have found myself looking through old pictures and scrapbooks looking for you, but I'm not sure I see you anymore. And that scares me.
I know that I'm supposed to move on. But the sad part is I never let go. I tell myself I have, but I know I haven't. I'm angry that everyone else has.
I remember when all I had to do was cry a little bit and call one of you and it everything would disappear. All my anger, all my sadness was gone. You both did that. And now....now, I don't know.
I'm angry that you are gone. I'm anger because I need you and you aren't here. But most of all I'm angry because you would expect more from me.
It has been a bad day, I guess. Its been a bad few months. I just wish that I could talk to you both one more time. Tell me what I am supposed to do? Tell me you are proud of me. Tell me no matter what I do, or what path I take it will be okay?
I love you.
