Road Retards!!!!

I screamed like a little bitch. The kind of noise you hear as it is happening, and you're thinking to yourself " Hey, what's that noise" and then it dawns on you that what you are hearing is *you*. Screaming like a child. MAMA! Yes. That was me last night.

In a few seconds I not only screamed like a bitch, but I almost found Jesus.

Before I tell you what brought me to pray for forgiveness - let me just say this -

Green means GO & Red means STOP, you douche!!!!

On base last night I made the horrible mistake of DRIVING. My husband had forgotten to leave some keys at work and we were heading back to drop them off. As I proceeded through an intersection, so did someone else - unfortunately for me - this person was coming from my left ACROSS the intersection!!!

Basically I had the fucking *green* light and this person was stopped at a *RED* in the turn lane coming from my left. Well, apparently in this person infinite wisdom and complete lack of concern for human life - he choose to go THROUGH red light and come barreling down on me at about 50 (the posted speed limit on base) - REALLY? YOU STUPID TARD!!!

Me - ARGHHHHHHH!!!!! Fucccckkkkkkkk!!! *>High pitched holler monkey sound<*

Husband - Shit!

Driver of other vehicle - Uh-oh.

Me - Turn away! Turn Away! *>slamming of brakes<* (I'm in middle of said intersection)- Now screaming that if you hit my Subbie going to get ghetto on your ass!!!! NOT THE CAR!!! NOT THE CAR!!! Take me! Take me!!

Husband - Bracing for impact

Driver of other vehicle - Smoking brakes. ( I think I hear him yelping too)

End result --> I could reach out of my car window and touch the HOOD OF THE OTHER FUCKING CAR! And I did.

In the end I'm freaking out, the other driver speeds off in the direction he was originally going and I'm looking at my husband saying - " um, really? Did he just drive off!".

I know who you are you douche! If I ever see you again I'm going to get all Latina on your ass! Who runs a red light! ON base not yards from the SP bldg. And it would have to be on the ONLY night I didn't see an SP sitting , and watching that section of road. Doh.

Green means Go. Red mean Stop. Here's your helmet and stickers you idiot.

My kind of Funny.

There is a lot to be said for someone who speaks about the taboo subjects that no one else will venture an opinion on - Carlos Mencia will go there - in way that you think yourself....no he DIDN'T! That's way I love him. That's why I don't listen to silly, media backstabbing. It's why I don't really care where he came from, what jokes he tells, and who he has pissed off in the past. He's a funny fucker. And that's all I really care about.

I love me some comedy. Its like a drug for me - I can be overwhelmed, overtired, and in a general all-around bad mood; and all I have to do is watch some stand up comedy and I feel better. Everything can be made less important or less stressful with a good belly laugh. A real big GUFF-FA! And last night I got my fix.

Carlos Mencia - Uncensored is a thing of beauty!

~ Only Carlos can make a completely logical connection between vegetarians and global warming. That's right. Think about it for a minute. I love this guy.

Love him. Hate him. Whatever. In the end he has the balls to say what is really wrong with today's over sensitive, PC-challenged society, and give us some much needed perspective - belly laughs are merely a nice surprise!

Scene of the Crime.

I don't think there is any such thing as a victimless crime - everything is owned, or of value to someone. You know the type of thing; someone turns over a bunch of trash cans, or spray paints a wall of a building - its not victimless because inevitably someone else has to clean it up. It comes at the cost of, us the taxpayer, or of the building owner. Now, I know that a person was hurt in the act of vandalism but to say its victimless is a poor choice of words.

What am I rambling about this? Because of the recent rash of crime that has been cropping up in my area - more importantly much of what is happening can be narrowed down to one particular group of people; we live on a military base....three guesses as to how could be responsible.

There have a serious rise in recent weeks of break-ins, car break-ins and petty theft of personal property from storage areas, and balconies.

I have been a victim of personal identity theft; it was not only scary but frustrating. I no longer could rely on my personal ID being personal. Someone else out there could use my social security number as their identity.And there is absolutely nothing I can do to further protect who I am. I cannot change my social. I spend money every year on extensive credit checks, and refreshing my security on ALL accounts. Bastards.

Lately , however, those feelings of anger and frustration have resurfaced. Although I am more than angry, I am disappointed. The current thefts in my community can only be the result of the actions of military dependents or card holding persons. -( If you are military or related to it, you understand what I mean)- Our community is relatively small on this particular base, which only further limits the possible group of people responsible.
I have stories of people sleeping in the upstairs bedrooms, and individuals coming into their home and taking whatever they could!!! What the Fuck, over? There have been incidents of people crawl up onto the first floor balconies and enter the home, or stealing everything isn't nailed down off the balcony. ~~ Did I mention that *I* live on the FIRST FUCKING FLOOR!!!
~~ I dare the little bastards to take ma shit - I will go all Latina on their ass. Oh, yes....I have the ability to be ghetto, and whip ass with a flip-flop!! ~~

The final straw would be a friend recently had her child's toy taken from their backyard. REALLY! Who the fuck steals from a goddamn two year old? And this isn't the first time - someone had the nerve to steal a baby stroller out of her truck a year back! Who is this person...the GodDamn Toy R Us Bandit? How much does a Baby stroller go for on the black market anyway? Was the chid's sized monster truck the getaway vehicle??? Seriously people how fucking sad do you have to be to do something like that?

Here's my final thought - I think we can all agree that the perpetrators of this rash of theft are young, and dependents. And as such I would doubt they have a secret hide out or Bat Cave, where they are stashing the stolen goods. Moreover, I seriously doubt there is a thriving Black Market of stolen gas coupons amongst kids....unless that is how they are fueling up the Monster Truck of the two year old??? MMMMmm. Seriously though this stuff has to be somewhere, and it has to be within the reach of a parental unit. Need I say more?

No crime is victimless - unless I get my hands on them and then someone is going to victimized!

Hockey - German Style Yo!!

I attended my first professional league hockey game last night. In Germany. And I was scared. Very scared. I suppose I was being a little overactive; after all sports of any kind are international, and can overcome any language barrier through the camaraderie of the love of a particular sport. Ice hockey is an international game; there are many countries that support this sport, and Germany has a particularly large support base. So what could possibly cause me to worry. Uh, yeah.

I should tell you now, that my husband is a big Ice hockey fan. He loves him a good game; whether it is a local semi-professional -(Go Spokane Chiefs!)- or a professional team -( Go Colorado Avalanches!)- so, finding tickets for a game in Germany was an easy choice....for him. I, however, was a little apprehensive about going, but I also wanted to see a game. I love me some hockey too.

Well, we drove down to Mannheim, and found the arena pretty easily. We parked and followed the crowds. We had trouble getting in because the tickets were bought online, and they needed to be exchanged at the arena for tickets that could be read by the scanners that open and close the gate entrances. Funny when you speak very little German. But me fumbled through, and got in. ~ The full body search by a stern-looking German security officer should have be my first clue to the nights fun! ~

Let me summarize the game for you ~

~ We are supporting Mannheim because they are the local team. I bought a Mannheim team Scarf! WE, however, are seating in the only section reserved for the OPPOSING TEAM - BERLIN! Oh. goody. Fucking TicketMaster!!!

~ Hockey + Beer + Berlin Fan Club = Bad situation. - Yes, we were lucky enough to be sitting in the middle of the Berlin Ice Bears traveling fan club - You know the ones. The fanatical fan bases that follows a team EVERYWHERE - and they bring there chants, and drums and scream their way through any game in which their team plays. Yeah, that one. And they are shit-faced. This can't end well.

~ Our team is up by 2 goals to nothing. My husband decides he is going to step out into the stairwells to have a smoke ( in Germany you can smoke in the stairwells that lead to each level) - I make the terrible mistake of staying put. DRUNKEN Berliners decided to ask me why I'm not wearing a scarf for THEIR team, and try to take said scarf....I'm going to kill my man. I am rescued by a German women who tells the guys to back off, and I stupidly said Asshole under my breath ( I know Asshole in German)
NOT HELPFUL! But my husband gets back before the guys gets to me. :) LOL.

~ The second half sees our team up by 3 and Berlin at 1 - and that;s when the beercups start being thrown, beer sprays down on us, and people start pushing ans shoving each other. And we gradually start drawing more and more attention.

Time to go.

And we did.

Despite the craziness - we are going back.

Next time though - we are going to have our German friend order our tickets and make sure we are in the Mannheim section. All the local supporters were calm, quiet, and stayed seated.

Next time....watch this space!

iStupid - The iWant Generation.

I'm sorry folks but at some point people need to draw the line - especially the parents of this iPod Generation! At age 30 I bought my very first iPod, and I love it; my husband was way ahead of me as far being a 'sellout' to the mass media monster that calls itself 'Apple'. I resisted the call of the 'pod' and was content with my crappy little MP3 player from a non-descriptive company - but then I, too, could no longer say no, and I became sheepeople , and bought into the iPod Generation. Le sigh.

However.....

When did society, or more specifically parents, fall and bump their collective heads? -( I will insert here that I know parents that do not fall into this category, you know who you are..lol) - BUT, I'm in awe of the recent trend of iPod owning, cellphone-possessing, label-wearing iWant generation of children. Seriously, what the hell!

Who in their in right minds thinks buying an iPod for a 5 year old is ok? What the fuck is he/she going to listen too? Teletubbies Live? I think not, folks. Not to mention the price of the iPods available. My husband and I have two iPods; the collective cost of iPods and subsequent accessories = around $500. Ok, that doesn't include the iPod that we learned doesn't swim - see similar titled blog post.

Would you pay $200 for an iPod for your five year old?

The cell phone factor has been around for much longer; but again why would you give your 10 year old a cell phone? Now, I wouldn't see a problem with a cheapo, restricted, pre-paid phone; especially if they walk to school, or do various after school activities. But seeing young kids talking away to their friends on their cellphones as they walk home is disturbing. I have even seen kids talking to their friends on their cells at lunchtime - what makes that really disturbing is they attend the SAME SCHOOL!! Really, are you so lazy and disconnneted from reality that you cannot walk across the school yard to talk to each face-to-face! O.M.G.

What is this trend teaching the kids of this and following generations? Where do we draw the line?? Is there a line to still draw?

Where do you, as a parent, go from here? If at age 4 or 5 you have set the bar at an iPod? Would the expectation of following holidays and birthdays gradually increase? And if it does, who do we blame? Is it really the fault of the children; are we not at fault for creating a iWant generation?

IStupid - The new gimmie-gimmie generation.