Time.

Its been a long year. Some moments have been all too fleeting; while others have passed with little significance. Perhaps it is in the moments of insignificance that I find myself dwelling on as I see in a new year. A second of my life in which I was unable to see past my own needs; unwilling to make a little extra moment last longer with someone I cared very deeply for. And now that moment has passed me by and I find the only thing left in its place is sadness and regret.

So maybe this year I should make one resolution - time. There is a abundance of it for most people. And in some ways I ,too, have an abundance of it. But sometimes I find each day melting into the next with little time left for myself, or for those I truly care about. All too often the precious moments I manage to steal for myself are taken over by those who don't appreciate the sacrifice I have made to make that time available. They take of it without thought or regard for what it has cost me.

Maybe that says more about me than it does about the limitations life puts upon us.

I was taught a great many things by the men in my life. I was taught self reliance, loyalty, respect, and above all integrity. Maybe I should take the gift of time and think about what I have done to honor the men that have taught me these important life lessons.

~ To the great men and women that have passed through my life - Happy New Year and Thank you. Papa, Dad, Jim, David, & Nana - I miss you more with each passing moment. I will never forget the lessons you taught me, or the support you showed me even when I deserved no such loyalty. You have made me the person I ma today, and I will continue to make you proud.~

Happy New Year to all who pass through here. Make the most of everything you have been given; if not for yourself, for the people who sacrificed so much so you may have so much more.

Merry "whatever" X-Mas.

-- The 'X' is for JC on the Cross Hahahahahahaa. That's for you A. --

The bitch is in the House - let the bitching commence.

A little down this Christmas and I believe I know what has brought on my Holiday malaise; Germany. Sorry Germany. Its nothing personal; but I'm not sure we are good together. We are too different. I can't change and neither are you; but we can still be friends. Call me sometime.

I have lived overseas 15 out of my 30 years of life. I love all the amazing opportunities I have had, and continue to have that living overseas offers. And yet, I find myself falling into a funk. I feel slightly incompatible with my adopted country; although I know it is merely circumstantial and it will pass I thought I would write a list of why we can no longer see each. *makes me laugh to talk of Germany as a relationship....so suck it up and laugh too damnit*

~ Cellphones - Just take my word for it. Buying minutes is insane, and getting a plan is highway robbery! Aaron's iPhone bill is killer. Not to mention all the freaking message services are in German. Gah.

~ Getting Gas - Uh yeah. Gas cards are ridiculous, time-consuming, and never work properly. This week someone genius put in the wrong numbers for the price change and it deducted $7.00 a gallon on people's ration cards. Epic. Fail.

~ Shopping - Now this is a Catch-22 situation. Although it is freaking awesome to buy certain items in Europe; it comes with a downside of cost, and compatibility. If the dollars sucks against the Euro, buying in the economy will break you, and even if the Euro is weaker and we get more for the buck......not all European furniture or electronic items are compatible with US homes, and lifestyles.
On the flip side of this argument is if you can't or won't shop on the economy - you have the BX as the alternative....see next entry.

~ BX - Where do I start. Poorly stocked is the biggie...never enough of anything, and the stuff they do have is tacky,cheap, and highly flammable. The linens look like someone ate butterflies, pooped rainbows, and used a comforter to wipe their ass - comforters that are never in King size anyway so I don't know why I look or am so bitter. The clothing section is enough to make you fall into a epileptic seizure, or die laughing at the size selection and cost. I swear the people who order for this dept. are color-blind, bedazzler-happy, miniature FuBu wearing hoochies that have the fashion taste of a streetwalker. Yeah, its that bad. So bad I won't even start on the rest of the depts....I could be here all night.

~ German road system - ARGHHHHHHHHHHH. Imagine if you will a road that could only accommodate one and half car widths, factor in 80-90 mph speeds + ALL signs are in a foreign language you barely grasp + on-coming traffic + American sized vehicle. And the screaming commences. As does finding God. Autobahns Good. Country roads Bad.

I could, and probably will continue this later but for now I will stop. Germany and indeed, Europe is a amazing place. I would never regret my time here. However, as much as a German bride would be very out of place in US, and feel overwhelmed by the language barrier, cultural differences, and overall strangeness; we too feel that way here in Germany. We will always be friends you & I....but we can never be together. Forget me, you deserve better.

*Giggles*

Fate, Luck & Too late for this shit.....

-- Anyone get the reference on the title....if so, you get a cookie. --

I am reluctant to believe that anything that happens in a person's life happens for no apparent reason. Can a person go through the trials and tribulations of life; over come hurdles, or rejoice in happiness without knowing that somewhere your life has taken a turn; not by mere chance but because it was meant to be? Fate, perhaps? A preordained course on which your life is meant to follow?

Is it that easy? Is it that simple?

Maybe not. But when you sit there, quietly wondering how you have arrived at this point; some random moment in your life - do you not wonder why? Aren't you the least bit curious...why now, why here?

If you are a regular reader of this blog - you know I'm about as deep as a bathtub - but I'm not sure I am able or willing to believe that I have either fucked up this bad, or been this freaking lucky! Out of all the possible choices I have made, of all the craziness I have blindly navigated through, and of all the people my life has - no matter how briefly intersected - been a part of; why have I chosen the way I have? How have I KNOWN to chose the right course for me?

I mean really folks....I'm not that in tune with reality most of the time....so how in the hell did I do it?

Not to mention how the fuck did I not see the crazy twats that would eventually cause me to even have this insane self-analysis of my life! I mean really...HOW.

In the end I suppose I have been incredibly blessed. My path crossed with his, and that's where my life truly began. Not matter who enters my life from that point on; I shouldn't worry where it takes me or who is responsible - because he will always be with me.

Deep man. Really deep.

These late night self reflections have gotta stop.

Bad Santa

A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,


They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits


I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

Holiday Cheer cannot be bought.

That's so me right? Not only is it soooo very me, but it also a telling statement on my current attitude. I have spent the better part of two weeks agonizing over gifts, wrapping, mailing, cards, ordering and general Christmas consumer madness. And to be very honest - I'm done. I can't help but feel a little bitter every year, but more so this year; that no matter how much I plan or don't plan; or how much I buy or don't, that it never matches my expectations. It never seems enough, or its too much. I'm constantly left womdering why do i bother; I never hear from the majority of people I send to. And yet, I feel a strange sense of duty to include these people in my Christmas craziness.

Maybe it says more about our society, or our culture, than it does about ourselves. At least that is what I would like to believe - I hate the thought that my williness to give is based on a need to be part of the holiday consumer feeding frenzy. How shallow is that? Nothing says I love you than an over-priced gift I bought merely to feed my shopping addiction. Hi, my name is Kris and I'm a shooping whore.

No that can't be right. I buy and I wrap, and I take agonzing pains to make sure I buy the right gift for the right people. I do it because I want to. I do it because of the ingrained sense of Catholic guilt. Wait. That's not right. Did I just say that out loud???? Honestly folks, I really believe that I do what I do because it will make someone I know happy, and it is the one time a year I can let them know how I feel. So I guess by that logic - if you get a crappy dollar store special, you know how I truly feel about you. :) But I digress....

Do you ever feel that you are doing all of this - and this I mean...crazy, stressful Christmas shopping - because we are raised to believe that gifts are what make the holidays special? Think about it. Would you really, truly feel like Christmas if there was no gifts waiting for you under the tree? No cards had come your way? No stockings hanging by th tree? No packages to pick up at the post office? No christmas paper, or christmas decorations? No small tokens of holiday wishings from work or family members? Baked cookies?

It shouldn't be all about the gifts and the shopping. I get it. But no matter how hard I try I get sucked in. I go to far, or I get my expectations set too high; and in the end it boils down to one thing. The loss of what Christmas is supposed to be about.

So in the Spirit of the Christmas here's a list of what Christmas should be about - for me anyway.

* My family & Friends - without you I would be lost.
* My husband - you are all I need.
* Cookies - Yeah I said it. Cheap, fun, and who doesn't love a good sugar coma?
* The smell of a Christmas tree & wreath.
* Handmade decorations - especially snow flakes, and popcorn string!
* Old Christmas movies - Nothing says Christmas like Charlie Brown, and The Original Grinch!
* Mulled wine - Its that good people.
* Fireplaces - Just perfect for setting the mood.
* The smells of christmas - baking, spices...etc.
* Christmas carols.
* Advent calendars.
* Christmas Dinnner.
* Talking to loved ones on the phone.
* Having my husband home for the holidays.


The list goes on.....

What is on your list this year?

My Karma hates me.

Karma can be many things. It can be good, it can come back and teach you a lesson; it can be whatever you believe it to be. But I am slowly coming to the realization that my Karma is a woman. It is an angry, bitter, and pissed off woman. It is constantly getting me in the middle of childish drama that I *should* see coming, but I don't until it is too late.

I'm kinda a worried that, that says more about me as a person than it does about my Karma or associated luck. Fuck.

Maybe I should just remove the crazy drama from my life.

And yet that would be too easy. And we can't have that now can we?

*>grumble, grumble<*

M.U.L.E.

I'm not sure why this particular acronym has caught my, and held my attention - because let's face it folks...I have an attention span of a nat - but I have been mulling it over since last night. A friend graced us with his presence late last night, and in our very deep conversation -( yeah, it was about as a deep as a bathtub)- he mentionedn the acronym M.U.L.E.

Can you guess what it stands for?

Married.
Ugly.
Lesbian.
Enlisted.

You see my friend has just arrived at your current base, and he is single. We began to discuss plans for the holidays and he told us he would like to go skiing somewhere in Germany, but doesn't really want to go alone. So go with someone I say. It's not so simple he replies. And here why.

M.U.L.E.

Most of who you (i.e. "he") will meet will fall into on one or more of the above categories. ( If you find the categories offensive, we didn't make em up, so don't get your panties in a twist). His particular status must be lonely; as it prevents him from socializing with a large majority of the single people on base.

Anyway, folks I just thought it was an amusing acronym, and a little sad for my friend - therefore I felt the need to share his sadness, and my musings on the subject.

Enjoy.

I'm sorry, were you saying something?

I'm back. And yes, I'm still bitter. Angry. Frustrated. But that's just how I roll.

So, as always I thought I would share some of my issues with my readers. Try to keep up.

1. Making friends at any age is difficult. I've been there, done that; and I have a lot of friends that would agree that moving to a new place is more difficult the older you get. With that said; I'm amazed and even a little hurt that people will complain about the difficulties associated with making friends. Some of these people have been approached by several people, invited to activities, as well as been introduced to other spouses. And yet, they complain that they haven't met anyone, and hate the 'group' mentality within our community. Ok. So apparently you HAVE met people, but because these people haven't met your expectations, or your needs, that is the reason you are lonely and haven't "met" anyone. Give me a break you whiney ass twat.

2. We are not responsible for your mistakes. - Bailouts. Uh, yeah. I'm not an economist nor am I political strategist. And yet, I sit watching the news, listen to the controversy over bailout plans for the Big 3; as well as the plans and pleadings of the average American and their financial woes over mortgages. *Pause* *Deep Breath*
Feel free to disagree, and keep in mind that we are homeowners too.

No. Simple and straightforward. No. I'm sorry Big 3, you are completely responsible for your current situation. You made poor choices. You continued to make cars and trucks that were not selling because you were unable or unwilling to adapt to consumer needs. More unfortunate, is you allowed yourself to be run by the very unions that are supposed to protect the workers rights, and therefore your workforce. You are out of touch, and unwilling to compromise. Learn a lesson, and move on.
I have a lot of sympathy for many, many homeowners. For many the decision to buy a home was done sensibly and with the correct loan. However, if you thought that buying a house worth 300,000 on an income that grosses 35000 on a loan of interest only, or some other bullshit mortgage loan....thinking that this wouldn't eventually come to bite you in the butt????? And you EXPECT a bailout. Um, why?
Last thought on this issue. Being military doesn't entitle you to shit. You bought a house on a 3 year tour, in the middle of an economic crisis - and are looking to the government and/or military to help you.....give me a break, dumbass.

Finally....

3. Family is frightening - Nothing brings out the craziness, or sheer greed like a family trauma. In this case a death of a very much loved head of the family. Out of respect for my Papa, I will not go into detail - it is enough to say that I am crushed by some of the things being said about each other, and the actions of some individuals. One day I believe that you will have to stand in front of a mirror, and you will have to see yourself for what you truly are. And when you look into that mirror you alone will have to deal with the thoughtless, immature actions that have brought you to this lonely conclusion.

I'm off to shop now. Retail therapy is a great stress reliever. As is coffee, alcohol, nicotine, and hanging out with my homies. Watch out A. I might just show up on your doorstep tomorrow.....no, really, I'll call first. lol.

"The World is calling; are you available?"

Nah, take a message. I'm busy feeling sorry for myself.

That just sounds like a cop out, right? Yeah, I guess it is. I have been so concerned with how recent events have been affecting my family; how my actions have affected my friendships - that I forgot about me.

Sounds like a good start for some lame ass country song, huh? I guess all I need at this point is a boyfriend named Billy, a double-wide, and pair of Daisy Dukes. Wow, what an image.

I guess it's time to take that call.