For lack of a better word.....F**K.

Yes. As sad as it is, this seems to be my only place I can currently vent my frustration. Partly because I have yet to figure out where to go with my current emotional dilemma and partly because the party it concerns is not reachable at this time.

I have always been a laid-back kinda girl. I take everything in and decide whether it is honestly worth my time and effort. Usually, it's not. I'm lazy and believe that there are so many people out there that do not deserve my time or effort. Problem solved. 
However, over the years I have realized that people see this lazy, laid-back approach to my life as a sign of weakness or complete obliviousness to the things that go on around me. That is a mistake. I am fully aware of everything; I just CHOSE to ignore 95% of the drama, silliness, ignorance that so many people find appropriate. I think that this ability was shaped by my experiences growing up as a 'big' kid. If I listened to half of the mean comments and childish attempts at making fun at me - I would have gone in another direction......as it is I have come through life as a reasonably well-adjusted adult and I have a high sense of self-worth and confidence.

And yet, people still mistake my easy-going nature as being weak or an easy target. For shame. Even worse, people believe that because of that misconception they can take advantage of me and I won't notice. Word of warning - I have not made it as far as I have; been through what I have been through - because I'm helpless and oblivious. And I certainly am not about to start losing it now.

I know who you are. I know what you are.

My Nana always told me that life gives good people, good things and it often comes when we lest expect it. Another wise woman also told me that the best revenge is living life well. Wise women indeed.

 I think of you and I want to slap you. Really hard. And ask you why? Why do you feel it is necessary to pee on my parade. Has your life changed so much that you need to meddle in others? What gives you the right?
For a brief moment I shed tears over you and this situation. I questioned myself and my life. AND I NEVER done that before. Not EVER. And what I got in response was tears and self-doubt. Well no more. I am who I AM. I am Me. And you are nothing.

I do not place the blame squarely at your feet. The other half of this equation will be dealt with in my own time.But I ask you - do you have no self-respect? Are you so pathetic that you need to invade someone else's happiness. I think we both know the answer to that question. YES. On both accounts.

Let it be known I'm not going to give in or give up. I am hurt but not broken. I will not be made a fool in front of my friends and family. My life is not a joke and my future is not to be messed with. You have been warned.

Walk in the Rain.

I would like to think that my random discussion to go for a walk in the rain was the result of some light-hearted, philosophical, meaningful, whimsical *insert adj. here* thought. Maybe. But no. You here thoughtful sayings about 'walking the rain'; I wanted to find out what the fuss is all about.


So today, after a lazy morning of coffee with a friend, I decided that the puppy and I needed some exercise and today was the perfect opportunity to go for a walk in the rain.

(Warning to all who decide to be this impulsive....check the weather forecast)

Armed with my trusty winter parka, a knitted hat and good walking shoes - Shadow and I embarked on our walk. Well, we drove to our usual place and THEN we embarked on our walking int he rain experience.

Just a couple things....

1. Check the weather forecast. Rain is fine. But combined with loud CRACKS of thunder isn't so meaningful as one would think when walking with a GREAT DANE PUPPY. Lesson Learned. 
2. When one wears glasses, one should remember that glasses unlike, oh I don't know....windshield on a car, are not equipped with mini-wipers. Or defogging thingys. Lesson Learned. 
3. What do you get when you mix water and sand? Quicksand! Ok, so maybe its wasn't quicksand but it sure as hell did a great impression of it. Lesson Learned. 
4. Large puddles are not only a magnet for children but they also hold a fascination for puppies. Why walk AROUND the puddle when you can happily splash your way through it. Coating yourself and your owner in yet more water. Awesome. Lesson learned....or something....
5. Leaves are slippery when wet. I won't go into that anymore than to say.....ouch. 
6. Apparently my parka isn't, after all, water-proof. Lesson. Learned. 
7. The softball field that is lovely and green can be misleading in the rain. It might look less muddy than the path....but it is in fact a slick mud slide. Again this type of area holds a fascination for both children and dogs. 

Despite this rough lesson in what it is to walk in the rain - I think we might try again another time. The puppy had a blast as he pulled me screaming through the above obstacles......and honestly, I can't say that I don't have a smile on face as I think about.

And I have one more Bucket List item down! 

It's on my mind....

I will warn some of the new readers of this blog - that some things on my mind might offend you - if that is the case.....oh well. Personal opinion is one of our wonderful rights as humans....and more importantly bloggers.

NPR is one of my secret indulgences - most mornings I sit at my computer and log on to NPR and listen the podcast of the day.  As of late, much of the news chatter is dealing with the current election and Republican candidacy. I know I should be listening with the interest of a responsible voter; trying to keep up to date with our current political (possible) candidates. Instead, I find myself listening to the sound bites and updates of the Republican elections as though it is a train wreck......I cringe as I listen and yet I can't stop.

I am a democratic. I am liberal in my political views. I am a Pro-choice kinda girl. I believe that every one should have the same opportunities. I believe that education, healthcare and standard of living should be accessible to everyone. I believe that there is and should be a separation of Church and State....but does this last belief define me as a liberal Democrat? NO. It should define me as an American.
The very basis of America is the idea that the our government represents and protects our right to equal representation; freedoms of speech and choice of worship. But that's the irony isn't it? Our politicians are Americans and therefore, enjoy equal ability to worship their religion of choice and enjoy freedom of speech. Yet, the political positions that they fight for and represent should be restricted to government representation of the people that voted them into such positions. It shouldn't be based on their religious rhetoric or their moral beliefs. No? Am I missing something?

I resent the fact that there is an unspoken acceptance of political campaigning that involves the use of religious posturing and using moral issues as a way to rally votes. What happened to separation of Church and State?

• Pro-Choice/Pro-Life - I am Pro-Choice. I believe that it is one of the most personal choices a woman can face. I resent anyone - personal or political - that thinks that this choice is not one I can and should make. I am further offended when the current Republican candidates use this societal taboo (which it shouldn't be taboo, but let's be honest...it is) as a platform to get votes! Who are you to define 'when life starts'. Who are you to judge the choices of a woman who has a difficult choice to make without some religious nutcase calling her immoral and a killer. I'm not sure about you, but I don't want a Presidential candidate or, god forbid a President, who thinks they have the right to tell me what I can amd cannot do with my body. No Thanks. 
• Oh, so you're Catholic, good for you. Oh, you're Christian. Ok. Oh and you think the Lord Our Savoir is saving you....awesome. WHATEVER. I don't care. Honestly I don't care if you run around your backyard naked, in a full moon, slapping your ass with a birch stick. NONE of it matters. Seriously. I DON'T FUCKING CARE. Stop standing there with your self-righteous, religious rhetoric and tell me how the hell you are going to save the dying middle class?  And I swear, if you say God is showing you the way or has chosen you for this job.....I will cut someone. Your personal belief system should ever be a source of interest for the American people. What SHOULD be important is a candidates record of representation; their ability to construct a plan of action to save our economy; their ideas on National Healthcare; their understanding of what is wrong with our education system.....the list goes on.  The only time I should hear the word Jesus is if it your first name. 
• Occupy Wall Street. Ok, really? How about you occupy something useful...like a job? Or the thousands of struggling charities that need volunteers? Or a desk where you write and call your representatives? Or how about you target something, or somewhere that will actually listen and bring about change? Like....oh I don't know.....the variety of city, and local level political campaigns???? I'm sorry everyone; while the idea was nice in theory, you have created a dirty joke. No cares. To many of us, who you mock and scream at as we go to work, you are nothing more than a bunch of unwashed-disillusioned- college-hippies. I saw the Occupy Washington DC and it was....well....sad. IN fact when I saw it, I thought it was a homeless city until one of friends laughed and told me it was Occupy DC. *facepalm*

I may sound bitter and jaded....and maybe I am. But I don't care about your religious orientation or moral beliefs. I care about the future of this country. I care about the future education system that will be teaching my children. I care about the healthcare system that my family will be relying on. I care about the economy unable to climb out of a black hole in which the hard-working middle class are slowly disappearing into. I care about big business swallowing up our local markets and living in a land of WalMarts. I care about my future. Try talking about the real issues not ones that have no bearing on the future, my future.

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Current Affairs anyone?

I don't usually say much about current politics.

I wouldn't say that I am a avid watcher of American Politics or a vocal person when it comes to serious discussion of government oversight and associated daily American political situations. But, every once and awhile, I have to question what the hell is going on -(Yes, that is a Political Science Technical term).

• Iowa Caucuses are, in my opinion, slightly ridiculous. Or more to the point, it is RIDICULOUS that the candidates and media place so much emphasis on the outcome of the "election results" coming from this state. Only 1% of our Nation's delegates are chosen by the Iowa State Convention and the winner of this caucus is most definitely NOT a proportional reflection on the views and voting weight of the rest of the country - example: In recent Iowa caucuses John Kerry, Al Gore And Huckabee have been obvious winners in this part of the election process. Not exactly a great indicator of a strong forerunner?

• I don't believe that a state that is predominately white (91%); has below national average unemployment (in the single digits); has a higher than national average older popualtion (15%); a state that is proudly conservative, religious and therefore reflects one minority of Americans - White and Conservative. How is this representative of America as a whole?

" They pick corn in Iowa. They actually pick the President in New Hampshire"

• The Iowa caucuses bring excitement and curiosity because they are the first, and in my opinion, that's about it. I would hesitate to say, " What is popular in Iowa will be indicative of what will popular in across the country" or " If it is popular here in (Iowa), it will be popular everywhere else, but it fails here in Iowa, it will fail across the country". WOW. Really. I'm sure about you, I'm certainly looking for other things in my candidate than a farmer in Iowa wouldn't be. My choice of Presidential candidate certainly isn't Michelle Bachmann or Old Newt or even this year's winner.....Romney. 

I understand that these elections are establishing a Presidential Candidate for the Republican party - something that carries little interest for a Democrat (Yes, I'm a liberal Democrat) but I am concerned that so many people Iowa represents the general mood of the American public. A state that has low unemployment; a state that has a low population per capita than most other states in the Union; a state that has low to no ethnic diversity.....the list could go on....

Iowa, I'm sure, is a wonderful state with the right to express their political acumen in the same way as the rest of America. But do we really believe that the views expressed by this state and it's population truly reflect the mood of our people? In a country that is plagued with unemployment, poor education, a unprecedented poor economic status where the middle class is slowly disappearing; in a country that is facing public unrest and widespread poverty....we are looking to Iowa as our voice? Things must be worse than I thought.

But maybe that's the problem, folks. Maybe there are too many of us that scream for change and are grasping at anyone who tells us, " Look to me as your candidate and I will change the future....I will bring our country back from the brink.....I will give you jobs.....I will turn it around". And we as a nation are desperate to believe that they can. We vote with our checkbooks; we vote with our inability to provide for our families as we have in the past; we vote for more......
And yet, we have to remember that a president is just a PART of the equation. He or she can only do so much without the support and bipartisanship of our political parties in office. Our president, or in this case, or Presidential candidates can promise us the moon, but if, once in office, they fail to have the support of both parties and their respective elected officials.....their promises mean nothing. 


I, for one, need to believe that our country will vote sensibly and with an educated understanding that the President is figure head that is powerless without the support of very people YOU elect to represent you.

What say you?

New Year & Resolutions

New Year Resolutions.....Can't wait until everyone forgets their resolutions and life goes back to normal...or until I get back the quiet, unpopulated area in which I run with the dog. Is that mean?

Honestly it it has been years since I said to myself; " I WILL do this....and that....and be better at some random skill....and those are MY resolutions for the New Year!!"...You know why I find this silly - It never happens this way. Why do you have to wait for some arbitrary time of year in order to accomplish something?  Especially when that time of year is generally one of the coldest, harshest and darkest time of the year. It practically screams depression, frostbite and comfort eating. And maybe that's way we place so much importance on change and looking forward to the future? The bleak winter months practically beg us, as sun worshipers, to find something bright and fulfilling to look forward to, or work towards. I still don't get it.....

Of course I 'reboot' every January. I have spent the last month eating badly over the holidays - so I take the New Year as a cue to 'reboot' by metabolism and eating well. But this is something I have done for many years and it isn't so much a 'resolution' it's just what I do normally.

Do you know what are the most popular resolutions are....almost every year....

1. Spend more time with family
2. Make time for fitness
3. Tame the bulge.
4. Quit smoking
5. Enjoy life more
6. Quit drinking
7. Get out of debt.
8. Learn something new.
9. Help others more
10. Get organized.

While I find these resolutions important in their own right - I find it interesting that people say to themselves or 'resolve' to spend more time with family, or enjoy life more....starting.....NOW! Really? You can't make the effort year-around? You need to make a resolution to actually do it or you won't? Learning something new should be a daily habit anyway....are you telling me that unless you actually make yourself do it, you learn NOTHING NEW during any given day?

As I said....these are all valid and honorable goals. But all to often people place so much importance and pressure on these goals that as soon as they fall through with one or more of them....it's over and forgotten. Family, Health and Self-improvement should be year-round; it should be fluid, changing. It should be like anything else in your life - It might not happen everyday and it might not be exactly the way you want it to happen....but that's ok.....no one is perfect and that's not the point of a 'resolution'....the point is to try.

You don't need to change your resolutions, you need to change your way of thinking.

You don't have to to make it happen all at once...everyday. You just have to remember that want to make it happen and tomorrow is another day.

We aren't all Bono - help yourself before you can help others. Once you have that one figured out you WILL help others.

Your body is constantly changing and the needs of your body change.....telling yourself you are going to, ' Lose the extra pounds' or 'be more fit'......are statements, they aren't goals or even realistic. Start small....build it up and make it clear to yourself what you really want....

The only 'resolution' I have this New Year and every New Year is this - Never give up. Never Give in.

Happy New Year Blogger Peeps.
What will you do in the New year?