I'm going to stay positive and I am going to succeed. I have found in the past that this can be accomplished better when one develops a sense of humor. Additionally, this can be greatly helped if you spend time finding things that amuse you and/or develop friendships that encourage your spastic type humor......or at least friendships that tolerate your childish, toilet-orientated, fart-joke-type, foul-mouthed attempts at humor.
Thank GOD I have a group of equally unhinged and childish friends. Bless you.
With that said, I have to bring to the attention of my viewers and various friend types my take on stop smoking tools and effective strategies offered up by those of the American Lung Association, the Langley AFB Health & Wellness Center and other associated programs.
*AHEM*
1) "Lower your caffeine intake" - it is believed that coffee (caffeine) consumption increases your want/desire/habit of smoking. I am sure this has been scientifically tested and proven. And rather than debate this little factoid, I would rather point out my take on the matter.....
FUCK YOU. Your argument is invalid.
2) "Knit a scarf" - Because apparently when you stop smoking you turn into Martha Fucking Stewart. If I pick up a pair of knitting needles, my next activity will not be knitting it will tracking down the dumb ass when thought of this and...well.....I need a smoke.
3) "It is important to remember that there is no magic pill that will make you NOT want a cigarette" - Well, now that we have a firm grasp of the obvious we can move on. We are people attempting to give up something as addictive as heroin - we are NOT stupid. Seriously, continue to talk to me as if I were 3 and I'm going to drop kick someone.
4) "Hang on dearly to a caramel apple sucker" - I'm not even sure how I feel about this one. I mean....hang on 'dearly' to a....huh? Apparently, we need to molest candy in order to beat a cigarette carving......*creepy*
5)"Walk in an old graveyard with the man you love" - Again WHAT? Is this supposed to be some messed up metaphor? Is this to remind us that the urges will stop when we eventually die. Seriously people take a damn anti-depressant.
I'm a slowly backing away from the list and the other helpful hints provided by the programs that are supposed to be helping me....because they are seriously starting to creep me out and damage my calm.
