Muwhahahaha.

~ Daily Wit by yours truly ~



If you don't get this, and you aren't sure why its funny.....

Then its you of whom I speak.

Here's your red crayon. Go color.

Threes. They do not come in peace.

No sure what this has to do with anything today - but it made me laugh, and that's half the battle.

So, things come in threes. And I do believe that those things that come in threes are not good. Bad ju-ju. Bad. Is three an unlucky number? Is that why these happen or is it a strange coincidence? I think it karma, either that or the Big man upstairs -- insert appropriate deity -- is really pissed; or has PMS; because lets face it folks only women can multi-task, and keep grudges going.

What threes am I talking about, you ask.

~ One fried XBox 360
~ One dead iPod
~ One blown fuse & light bulb in the apartment -- A light bulb that managed to burn out and crash the fucking fuse for the WHOLE house at 1:30 am. Nice.

Electronics hate me. Anything that has to be plugged in, charged, or rebooted hates me. I swear to :: insert deity :: that its not just me. My husband thinks I should come with a warning label. You know the joke that says some people shouldn't be left around with sharp pointed objects? Well, I shouldn't be left with electronics gadgets of any description.

Believe when I say the irony of my current employment is not lost on me - I work in a computer lab -. I'm responsible for the computers and other random techie crap that make up this little lab. God help me if anything stops working. We be screwed! My boss man has an awful lot of faith in me. Poor guy.

So, now I am faced with buying a new iPod, and new XBox -- a new XBox will be the upgraded to the new Elite..mmmmmm, I wonder if the sudden demise of the game unit is not merely accidental after all.....-- as well as I will be doing battle with the light fixture in the bathroom in the hopes I can have light in there and not electrocute myself in the process; that or blow another fuse which plunges the whole damn building into darkness. My bad.

I can almost hear the electronics at home plotting my downfall.....

No one cares.

I really do think that people think like this sometimes. That social norms, and the unsaid rules of life do not apply to them. And yet, they assume that the rest of us should comply by the rules, and stay inside the box - no pun intended. LOL. - Sorry, I made myself laugh with that, and that's have the battle, huh.

I sometimes feel my I.Q. falling when I read and/or participate in certain online chat forums, or message boards. Its like a train wreck; you see the horrific carnage, and you know someone isn't going to make it, yet somehow you keep looking. Even worse you see someone walking towards the danger, and its like a slwo-mo moment - you reach out slowly screaming "Nooooooo....." and yet they keep walking, like a moth to a strange blue light.

Do know of what I speak?

You know the ones. Those strangely enticing chat forums that are complied of other people with similar interests or lifestyles. They are strange little sisterhoods where other women are lulled into a false sense of camaraderie and then they are pounced on the moment they say something that is a little 'outside the box'. I said sisterhood, and women because I have interacted on almost all male chat forums - (car forums....nasty minded person! lol)- and they don't care enough to be mean, or oversensitive about something that doesn't affect them. Apparently only women have a uber - sensitive/ bitchy gene.

I have noticed very recently, i.e. today, that some people react with a bitchy attitude because the statement they are reacting to is true. Most people have a tendency to become defensive at things they know to be true, but are unwilling to admit to. I'm guilty of it, and so are you. But for some people they have to be right at all times, or the sky starts to fall, and the end of life as we know is over.

Father.

I tried to forget.

But for some reason this whole week I have been on edge, and uncomfortable. I suppose in some small way you never really forget. You think you do, but you don't.

My brain tried to forget, but my heart wouldn't let me.

I know there is a lot I can, or should say. But I have that uncomfortable tightness in my throat, and I just can't say anything. I don't want to say anything.

It hurts.

Bad knee and weak ankles.

Overacting to thirty? Maybe. Probably. Yeah, I am.

But I went to bed last night with a sore knee. This morning I wake up unable to move my knee. I have no idea why, or what I did to bring this on, but it is here none the less. I have always had 'bad knees'; a term my family has used for as long as I can remember, and a tribute to my father. I have also been told I weak ankles. I apparently got those from my father too.
So apparently my body is bad, and weak. Lovely. I'm not sure if the terms used by family are more of a commentary of my father's character flaws, or real physiological attributes. I think it is probably a mix of the two; although I;m sure many of my mom's side would like to admit to the former possibility. -- My parents divorced when I was very young, and the marriage was doomed from the beginning as my grandparents were not a fan of father --. But I digress.

I have inherited both 'bad' knees, and 'weak' ankles from my father. I also was fortunate enough to bear a remarkable resemblance to my Dad. He was a handsome man, but since I am his daughter, I would have prefer to take after the female parent, no disrespect of course. I have his undeniable stature, high forehead (huge slaphead, in my humble opinion, I hate it), his facial features minus the mustache; although I'm sure menopause will not be my friend in that area. Some family members even tell me I speak like him, have the small compact walk, and my handwriting is eerily similar as well. And know to bring me back to my point --- I have weakness in certain joints and that inherited pain in the ass is surfacing. Oh. lucky. me.

I feel suddenly old. My back as long since given up any supple, unhindered motion. But I suppose that is as much to do with my condition as it does with age or genetics. But now at the age of thirty I have a fucked up knee. I rely on my other joints to get me moving when my back cannot support all my weight. When I struggle to move, my 'bad' knees and my ' weak ' ankles take over and get my going. So how bad, or weak can they be?

I'm sure this too will pass. I'm sure I just moved wrong a pulled something. Something, huh. Will that something better start feeling better.....I feel old today.

On a side note - it is strange that I started with entry with a ramble of my knee and its pain-in-the-ass discomfort, but instead it tuned into a small physical synopsis of my Dad. I miss you Dad. I always will. How can I forget you, I have your weak knees and ankles. And I love them. Most of the time.

IPods can't swim.

~ What do you mean and iPod can't survive the vicious cycles of a washing machine?? Are you sure it can't endure the lather, rinse and repeat of a extra clean washing cycle?
Little iPod is currently on life-support. I had to break the news to Aaron when he woke up. There was a moment of silence, and then a pleading look; the look that is given from husband to wife at times like these - " I swear I checked the pockets, hon".
Could this tragedy have been prevented? Yes. Kiss my ass ABU pockets.




~ When you move into apartment building, does your I.Q immediately take a nose dive, or are you always like that? Just curious? You know who you are, and if you don't everyone else does. Dumb ass.



~ But for this blog's purpose let's say it is PMS.

Skeletons in the wardrobe.

Scotland. It was home for long; so many memories. And now I am standing before an opportunity to go back and revisit old haunts, re-live old memories, and face some very nasty skeletons in my closet - but I'm not sure I can.

Have you ever come across an old picture, or old keepsake, and you are overwhelmed by the memories it holds? You take a moment and you sit down, and think about that one fraction of your life where that memory was forever made permanent by a photo. Or the action of keeping some small keepsake preserves a single second of your life.
I am sometimes overwhelmed by the power that these objects have over me. Maybe because the moment I have locked away as memories are at times heartbreaking. They represent a time in my life that I was not in control. I lost direction and I lost who I was.

And now, here it is. Eventually we all have to face something, whether it is a echo of the past or the idea of a future. We have to regain control; gain some kind of perspective over what has been, and what has yet to be. I suppose this is my time?

It sounds dramatic. Maybe is sounds a little pathetic. But what is if not emotional, or personal? These thoughts; these memories are mine, and therefore they are overwhelming. I haven't lead a 'normal' life, and nothing about my apprehension to revisit my past life is normal. Define normal?

I'm going to go. I'm going to hope that I make peace with whatever it is. After all, I'm a different person. I'm not a child; I can defend myself now.

Fasten your seat belts, this ride could get a little bumpy.

Le Sigh -

I. HATE. NIGHT. SHIFT. ----- Bitter, Table for one!

I want to smack the living shit out of you! ~ I despise you. ~

Yes, I said HATE. And NO it isn't a little "harsh", the word hate is around for a fucking reason. So is the word " F.U.C.K.". So yeah, I'm goin' use it. And unless you have worked nights or have lived with someone who works nights - Kiss my ass, you hippie, free-loving, PC dipshit.

I can't tell you how much better I feel! Thanks for listening to today's words of wisdom.

That's just crazy talk!

Paris Hilton endorsing a presidential candidate? That's Mmmmmmmadness, I tell you, just plain crazy! Has the world gone mad???? Have I fallen in some kind of coma and the world has turned into my worst nightmare....Paris Hilton as Presidential nominee.....NNNNooooooo, Pull the plug, PULL THE PLUG!!!

Deep breath. Just a crazy rant, its ok. I'm good.

I'll just watch some T.V , maybe catch up with some Olympics.

*- Cue in CNN showing Paris Hilton and her ridiculous (and very real) political ad. -*

And.I.must.scream.

Words fail me at this point. I mean really folks, what the fuck was that blond-haired, life-sized preying mantis doing getting anywhere near the political arena. She has the I.Q of a peanut, ok, ok, a walnut, and her fame and current fortune (not counting the family money) is based on fake five dollar hair extensions, Champagne in a can, dog accessories. - You cannot make this shit up! - She will forever been know by that classic, and oh-so-intelligent catch phrase: "That's Hot". W.T.F. people????? She has infiltrated every little possible pop culture arena; she sings, she models, she acts, and now apparently someone taught her to talk. That person should be stoned, and not in a good way!

You cannot pick up a magazine with out seeing her picture or hearing about something retarded she said. But that was ok, because I still had the intelligent media as a Paris free oasis, where life made sense again. No. The dream is over. She has found my little area of common sense, and world affairs, and now I'm alone. -- Too dramatic?--

Ok. Ok. So its not that dramatic. But when I turn on CNN and I listen to them drone on and on about Pairs' little political statement, I cringe. Why do we insist on giving this walking sticking insect air time? By doing so we perpetuate the idea that we give two shits about what she has to say. WE.DO.NOT. And even if there was any meaningful point to her little swimming suit clad political tirade - She didn't write, she memorized it and said her lines like a good little blow up doll.-

Madness I tell you. Madness.

Le sigh.

One more thing....

Just a thought.

A few weeks ago my husband sent me a "funny" email - the ones that come with a picture to make a point. It was a picture of an Army soldier that was obviously heavier than regulation standards. It was, in short, an unflattering, and at the time, I'm sure it was amusing to those who saw it.

The picture has slowly morphed into a kind of mascot for other branches of the military. I have seen he powers of the Internet change the fuzzy cell phone picture into a series of 'motivational' posters, as well as the punchline of many Internet jokes. Army Strong has a whole new meaning now.

I am not going to sit here and try and say I took the high road, and didn't forward on the email. I'm not going to lie and say I didn't laugh, and didn't happily forward on this email to all the Army folks I know. I'm not going to justify my use of the email as a punchline to numerous Army Strong word lashings. -( Like my new phrase word lashings)-. And I wish I could say that I didn't take full advantage of this guy's downfall for my own personal amusement. I'm a douche.

But there the thing. I regret it. I'm ashamed of my self. And to those who rushed to judgment, and turned this guy into a punchline, you to should be ashamed.

Have you thought for a moment as to who this poor guy is? Take a second and think about his wife/girlfriend/whoever. What if he is father? Think about his family, and his loved ones. Sure, he is overweight, and he needs to lose weight. But have stopped to think that maybe there is a medical reason? Have you stopped to think that maybe he was injured and bedridden for months or years, and therefore the weight has been piling on, through no fault of his won.
Have you thought that maybe he trying to do something to help himself, and your callous behavior has cost him his last bit self-esteem.

Here is my last word on this....

He is an American soldier. He is fighting for his country. He is willing to die on YOUR behalf. So the next time you forward that email, or share a joke on his behalf, remember one thing....He fights for freedom to do so.

It really has to stop.

I have been mulling over this blog entry for a while now, and I have come the conclusion that it must see the light of day -- Warning blog entry is a bit like a cultural joke being said in to a group of mixed cultures ; i.e. uncomfortable, yet satisfying. And yes, you can laugh or smile, no one can see you.

Whiners - Shut. Up. Please. Is it a coincidence that if you replace one letter in this word you get Weiners? I think not. You know who you are! No matter what the circumstances you have to be the one with the worst case scenario bullshit occurring all at once. You are the person who eclipses everyone else difficult situation like a super nova. No cares. We stopped listening when you stopped being here for our personal amusement.

Where is all this ill-focused aggression coming from? Women, and military wives in particular. Sorry, fellow wives, but some of you seem to have been dropped off by the short bus, or are constantly throwing a pity party, or worse still enjoying playing the following game a little too much -- " I have it worse than you" --. Dear, God make it stop.

You know what, this life isn't easy, no one said it would be. But sitting around complaining about every little thing is pointless. You want to sound weak, pathetic, and incapable...be my guest. But I do not see why the rest of us have to be subjected to your endless lists of ' poor-pity-me's'.
You are young, and there is a lifetime of experience in front of you. Enjoy it. Take time to listen to those who have gone before. Listen to their stories of 'been there' done that, and survived to tell the fucking tale'. Being a girlfriend for 6-8 months while he is in basic doesn't qualify. I guarantee that saying that it does count to a seasoned military wife is going to get you cut down to size, and have a confrontation you might not walk a way from.
Why, oh why do you crumble like a badly stacked set of Jenga bricks the minute he steps from the front door? He will be back in two weeks. Newsflash -- TWO weeks is not a deployment. Yes, it sucks. But you will survive. Learn, and move on.

You might think that I ma being over harsh on these women. And maybe you are right. But I stand among this community of women and I do so proudly. I understand the sacrifices a military wife has to make. I have many military friends that stand with me when I say " Really? SHUT THE FUCK UP. Life is hard but all have to deal with it, and we do so with our big girl pants on. YOU outta the pool!".

Your cry-baby-, whiney ass-blubbering, entitlement-issued, back-stabbing, pity party can kiss my ass. Stop whining.

Bitter - table of one?

Food ~ Too. Much. Food.

"McDonald's actually charges customers more to buy a smaller, lower-calorie meal,"


Bad fast food companies, bad. How dare they blind us to the healthier food option! How could they muddy the waters of trans fat goodness, by forcing us into bigger and bigger sizes by ingenuously making the healthier options more expensive! Who the hell saw that one coming? DUH!

I'm guilty of it too. As I roll my tired, and lazy ass through the 'McDrive Thru' -- Yeah, I think its hilarious that in Germany they have McDrive's -- I gaze upon the artery choking menu, and I Super size! My eyes are always bigger than my stomach. Or at least that is my story right now. *insert awkward pause here* Is it my complete incapacity to limit myself to a small hamburger and fires that is the problem, or is the mass-marketing fast food companies fault???

I would love to sit here and blame the mega companies of Taco Bell, and McDonald's for my weakness to saying no to ' Yo Quiero Taco Bell' , and ' I'm lovin' it'. I can see in self denial and say it is the ease and convenience of fast food establishments that have slowly chipped away at my ability to say NO. I can always blame the parental units of my upbringing for introducing fast food into my diet, and therefore, making me part of a generation that grew up on hamburger heaven out of parental convenience.

But, that's just a cop out. I, we, are born with a sense of will power, and the common sense to know we have a choice. Unfortunately, most of know we have the right to choice, we just have the inability to use it. There being the flaw that McD's uses to a incredible advantage. Damn you!

Let's face it folks - We have a problem and the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Think about it, if we as a buying public just stopped ordering Supersized meals, and just bought the regular meals- would there still be Supersized anything?

And now I must scream.

Frustration ~ "4. a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems."

Oh, I have unsolved problems alright. The story that is my life seems to held together by unresolved Goddamn problems. Its never the big problems of life; never the curve balls of life. Its those little, irritating bug bite of life that will turn a sane,well-adjusted adult, into a blubbering mess in the corner. You are smiling right about now because you know of what I speak! You know that one little errand of the day that should only take a few minutes out of your day, will cost hours of frustrated yelling, and expelling of pent up aggression focused at the first person who " offers advice"....And I'm using *quotation fingers* for extra sarcasm.

Ok, so what am I whining about. ONLINE FUCKING BANKING.

A technological marvel of the modern age. A wonderful time saver which allows you to save minutes of your day, that you can instead use more productively playing online Solitaire at work, instead of standing like a sheep in a mile long line at the bank during your lunch hour. OR in my case -- I live in Germany -- I can conveniently deposit any checks from the comfort of my home, 24/7, without having to overcome the serious obstacle of being THOUSANDS of miles AWAY from the nearest branch of my bank. A bank which will remain nameless.....but it begins with 'U' ends with 'A' and has two SS's in the middle. Did I say too much?

Deposit at home MY BUTT! I followed the damn instructions to the letter. Nada. I get as far as uploading the front of the check, and for reasons unknown, the thing freezing up, or alerts me to the fact that *I* have not cropped the check properly. NEWSFLASH - The freaking check looks just like ALL the properly cropped checks - so what's the freaking problem!!!!!
Maybe it's the iMac. Apple isn't compatible with shit.
I have two other laptops that aren't Mac.....maybe that will work. NO. I fall over in shock. Really???? WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING.

I am now reduced to rocking back and forth in the corner, glaring at the computer, and the scanner, mumbling obscenities. Douche.

So, here I am with a check, that I have to get deposited before it expires -- so not my fault that I forgot about it, and waited this long. really. -- and I am forced to go old skool. USPS. Crap. I don't have a stamp. FUCCCCCCCCK.

And now I must scream.

Eye Candy ~

By kind permission of Aaron White ~ aka. The Husband ~ Mad skills, babe - Mad skills.