What is Christmas?

What is Christmas?

Is it the story of Santa and his elves? Is it the kindness and generosity of the season? Is it a decorated tree, family dinners and sparkling lights? Is it a purely religious day of good will towards men? 

Is it all of the above?


So, I ask you...What is Christmas?

I suppose I'm struck by this strange question because of my own seasonal dysfunction this year. I am struck by the sense comfort and interest as the holiday approaches - I will spending this Christmas in a different way than any other. I will be by myself, with presents, movies, a home-cooked meal & lots of unhealthy treats! I have lots of phone time with my family - Skype is the best invention! - with which I can celebrate the holidays from the comfort of my couch. Not bad, not bad at all. I'm actaully kinda excited at the prospect......it will be an adventure......Christmas will have a new meaning for me & I think we could all use a little perspective during the Holidays. Don't ya think?

The Christmas List - What seems to define Christmas....

1. Christmas music- This shit started in October. By the time Christmas actually arrives many of us become immune to it's cheerful spirit & pray that we can become temporarily deaf. The worst offender - The Chipmunks Christmas Compilation. My ears bled. O' Holy Night.....more like O' Holy Crap. My neighbor has Christmas music hooked up to his holiday display....Silent Night, White Christmas and O Christmas Tree is on a continuous loop. Can I be charged with involuntary manslaughter if I run over his 6ft. blow up Santa with my car??

2. Christmas decorations - Rows and rows of this stuff. Holy glittering GOODNESS, Batman! The endless reams of tinsel; the multi-colored tress with fake pine spray; the flashing neon ' SANTA THIS WAY' signs; the animated reindeer......enough color, flashing-lights & glitter to prompt a seizure. I often wonder if stores have to have more fire insurance due to the increased volume of hazardous material, brightly lit for 12-14 hours a days? I went to Micheals the other day and saw five pre-lit tress plugged into ONE splitter....RUN, RUN AWAY!!!! I'm just waiting to see that shit on the 6 O'clock news......

3. Christmas lights - Ok, I love to go look at Christmas lights around different neighborhoods. I love me a good light show.....but there needs to be some city ordinance or rules put in place. 

• Rule One - If you put lights on or around your house....they should work...ALL of them. The reindeer that is supposed to bob his head up and down....has lost that ability and now it just looks like it's trying to lick itself. Shoot it. Put it out of it's misery. 
• Rule Two - If turning on your lights means the surrounding houses see a dimming of the light IN their homes you have gone to far. Likewise, if your power bill needs a COMMA....too much. 
• Rule Three - If you are blinding passing aircraft....stand down. 
• Rule Four - The nativity scene is NOT from a Broadway show - a neon baby Jesus & a flashing red arrow pointing to a sign that says " Christ the Savior" is...well....disturbing at best but embarrassing for your neighbors. Just....NO. *Yes, this is real.....these people live nearby*
• Rule Five - Halloween lights - one strand of said lights - are not Christmas lights. Just sayin. Let's hope Santa brings you some real ones.....because that's just sad. 

 4. Bad Christmas-themed movies - I will say only this.....Charlie Brown Christmas, the ORIGINAL Grinch, Christmas Carol & Frosty the Snowman are Christmas movies. Period.

 5. Christmas Cards - Do you want Christmas trees with Merry Christmas!? Do you want a random winter scene with Happy Holidays? Do you want a dog wearing a Santa hat? Do you a biblical manger scene? Or how about BAH HUMBUG? Big? Small? Musical? Blank? Paper or plastic? And how many 'dozen'...1...2...3....*frozen by the choices* Head explodes.

So, I have come to the conclusion that Christmas means over indulgence, over spending, over decorating. Unfair assessment? Sure. I'm as guilty as the next person for doing all of the above. But this year I have an opportunity to observe and reflect a little.....and here's the thing.....

I'm so very blessed by all I have. I have family. I have a husband I love. I have food in the kitchen and a roof over my head. I am warm on cold nights and sheltered from the rain. I have friends & family - near and far - that care about me and I cherish them. I have more than I could ask for.....

But there are so many who have nothing. No gifts under the tree. No roof over their heads. No food for their children. No place to call home.

So What is Christmas?
Sharing. Giving.

I have several bags of clothes to go to the women's shelter. I have bought a few toys in addition to the toys I have - all of which will be donated to Operation Christmas. I have cleared my cupboards of all non-perishable foods and will donate them to the food bank with a monetary donation.
It's not much but I hope that in doing this I find that elusive meaning of Christmas and remind myself that the holidays can mean something different to everyone - but to me it's about being grateful for what I have and hoping I can make someone else's Christmas a little brighter.

Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays
You get the idea.....

Say WHAT?

Wife of O-6 told to stay away from BCT families - Army News | News from Afghanistan & Iraq - Army Times

How disappointing. How utterly morale-crushing. What were you thinking?

There was a time that I acted as a Key Spouse for a family morale program. At first I was frustrated at the lack of participation by our families. And then, slowly, I realized that participation was a dirty word for many of our families. Why? Because of people like this.

Being a military spouse can be lonely at times; moving to a new location every few years; starting fresh with new employment; changing schools often and spending long periods of time alone due to military deployments and other random exercises. Involvement in a spouse group or family readiness group can often be an opportunity for a new spouse at a particular locale, to meet other spouses and learn more about the area, the services available & find support during transitional times.
That's the idea, anyway.

But all too often spouses find their experience with such groups as demoralizing, due in large part to one leading spouse that is overbearing, overcritical and in this case, threatening. A military spouse should have the opportunity to interact with such groups in a causal way; without the sense that in doing so, they are representing the career of their active duty counterpart. A military dependent spouse is just that. They are not the active duty member. They shouldn't feel that engaging a family support group effects the career of their spouse. Whether they chose to join or not, should not reflect their commitment to their spouse's unit, squad or branch of service. Participation in an FRG or other spouse orientated group is exactly that - for the spouse.

And here is where this all falls down. This spouse, this officer spouse, used her husband's position to act as leader of this group - which in itself isn't too terrible if she saw a need and wanted to genuinely help fellow spouses - but more importantly, she used her husband's position to intimidate fellow spouses & cause a demoralizing atmosphere during an already difficult time for many of these military families - deployment.
It is situations such as these and experiences such as this that prevent spouses from interacting in other spouses groups in the future. And why not. I wouldn't have any interest in joining another group if my first and last experience was that of power-crazed O wife, telling me that I wasn't loyal enough to my spouse and his career, or that I could cause my spouse to lose respect and job security of I didn't play her game.

However, there is a flip side to all of this. No matter how powerful you *think* you are as an O wife, or a commander's wife; you CANNOT effect that type of change. And if you can, there is a lot more wrong with your commander or O spouse - they represent the military as an active member; they cannot and should not effect the career of a military member on the deluded recommendations of their bitter spouse.

So I ask you.....who is more at fault here - the wife or her husband?
Could his wife have acted in such a way if he had simply told her that she cannot act in such a way & in doing so she was permanently damaging HIS career and reputation & respect of his men?
By condoning his wife's behavior he allowed her to act with impunity; and therefore, does he not bare just as much responsibility as his wife?

I take stories like this and I remember them. Let it serve as a reminder to all spouses - you are a spouse, nothing more, nothing less. You can proudly support your spouse and his job, but you are not the military member. You did not earn that rank and you do not have the right to treat people with anything LESS that respect that is owned to any human being. Your spouse's career in the military does NOT define who you are.....ever.

Excuse this interruption.....

Excuse this interruption to your regularly scheduled programming......but I got a bone to pick.

I have been sitting here for several days, pondering my response to events and whether I have an appropriate comment or useful view to offer. And the result of my deliberations is simple; NO. I have absolutely nothing constructive to say on recent events; therefore, I will post them here. Seems legitimate. :)

Event One: Christmas


Why should I feel sad and pathetic for not going home during the holidays? Why is it such a big deal for me to be alone for Christmas? I am convinced it's part of a commercialized plot by Hallmark to make people spent a stupid amount of money on traveling, gifts and food to make yourself feel better that you aren't alone.
I'm good. Really. I'm fine. Yes, it sucks to be here starting to celebrate a 'family' holiday alone.....but at least I'm not in Afghanistan. At least I have a choice about how I spend my holiday. At least I can be comfortable in my home with my puppy and talk to friends and family on the phone. This is not an ideal way to spend the holidays but it isn't Christmas unless Parker -my family- isn't here to celebrate with me. So, I will happily sit with the puppers, open a few gifts (which may or may not include a ipad...heehee) & enjoy a completely UNHEALTHY buffet of junk food....watching bad movies and waiting for that special phone call from my husband. Because, honestly, hearing from Parker at Christmas, knowing he is safe...is the only gift I need.



Event Two: Friends.

I have spent a lot of time and effort to keep certain types of friends at arm's length. I have spent an equal amount of time trying to NOT be the type of friend I hate. I haven't always been successful NOT being that friend....but I have always tried to make up for my faults - no one is perfect, right? But in light of recent events I feel that not everyone is as diligent in their efforts.

In all honesty, I feel that much of the time I don't have much in common with most other military wives. Not out of some misplaced superiority; it's just that I'm a strange little one at the best of times, and often my 'quirks' are not well received by the vast majority of other wives. So, I chose to befriend 'civilian' wives and call it good.
My life in Virginia has prompted me to let my defenses down and make friends with several military wives. Many of whom are MUCH younger than me....which at 33, ten years can be a lifetime of generational no-man's land.....I'm 33, they are all 9-11 years younger. Problem? Yep.
The event or issue that has prompted a great deal of soul searching is this: If you promise to be there; be supportive; be a good friend in times of need, then you should make the attempt to be. If not, don't offer. If not, be a grown up and say so. If not, have the common courtesy to respond.
I asked several people to an event, rather than politely decline, or at least make something up....I get nothing. Nada. To further make the situation more upsetting; my invitation was no only ignored but it was followed -after several quiet days- with a request for ME to do THEM a favor. Really?

Am I over-reacting? Am I reading too much into this? Honestly?
Maybe it's this deployment.....maybe I'm over sensitive? Maybe I'm looking for too much?

Event Three: Career

This is a simple one. I think I have ventured down a path I wasn't meant to find. Through several years of looking and changing my career path; I realized that I end up in the area I seem to overlook. I overlook the obvious. And now that I have realized it, I feel I need to focus on it. I'm a Criminal Justice major. I love the area. But I ENJOY working in another area. I am built to nurture. I'm wired to help and overcome. I am made to work with kids. So, back to the drawing board?

Thank you listening
I will now return to my regular scheduled blogging....tomorrow.
 

Random Stupid on a Sunday Morning

I am a military spouse hear me ROAAAA...*cough, cough....hack* Damn cold. Roar.

It's a Sunday morning and I'm writing out Christmas cards. Sucking down coffee in a vain effort to feel human and show some ounce of give a fuck. I am one step away from sounding like an old hermit; with a half smoked cigarette hanging out of her mouth; feigning some kind of Christmas spirit in the words I scribble onto the cards that are spread out before me; as a televised Evangelical nut SCREAMS biblical Christmas fire and brimstone from living room. Nothing says Merry Christmas like, " Baby Jesus will save us all if only you donate more to my cause!!! A real Christian obeys and listens, for Jesus came to us and said LOVE your fellow man or go to hell". Representatives are standing by to take your salvation; we accept cash, check, American express and the blood of your first born!!!

Whoa. I need more coffee.

Anyway, back in the land of the sane.

I noticed a few things yesterday that I felt the burning need to share.....that and I need to take a break from writing Christmas cards.

1. Listerine feels like ACID on a bit lip. I had one of these OH SHIT moments last night. Battery ACID!!!! I thought it was going to burn a whole straight through my lip. Bastards.

2. A 96lbs Great Dane puppy can indeed, find a pill, in his food, that is about the size of half of your pinky nail. That is hidden in three cups of dog food, a scoop of wet food and a chuck on ham. Seriously, dog? You're killing me.

3. A 96lb Great Dane puppy is remarkably stealthy and quick on his feet when hunting him down to shove a pill down his throat. I sense that the trust isn't there anymore.....

4. When asking a member of the Barnes and Nobles staff a technical question - Ensure they are older than the size of your shoes. The first clue to their lack of customer service ability or ability to make a useful attempt at help should be , " Oh, no one has ever, like, asked that question before....totally". *my head explodes* Move over TINKERBELL....my spouse just deployed and I'm in no mood for your stupid.

5. Tetris is a wonderful precursor to packing care packages....especially when it involves a football, a Christmas tree, half a dozen bags of candy and an angry bird. NAILED IT.

6. Never underestimate your ability to maintain self-control when a well meaning SP asks you if you know what month it is.....you reply, ' Yes, it's December'....he replies with " ok, good, because your car tags says November and it wants to say DECEMBER, please have that fixed and have a great holiday season'.  There are no words......he was awesome....and clever.....and DAMNIT....I have to go to the FREAKING DMV now!!!! Fail.

7. Nothing makes me feel more in the Holiday spirit than going to BN and having the local Christian High School kids volunteering to wrap your gifts for free (donation, actually) and have them stare UNCOMFORTABLY at my choice of purchases. Watching them rack their brains for who would possibly be getting this sordid assortment of gifts......IT was AWESOME. I would tell you what they were....but Parker reads this.....so I will let you use your own imagination.....it made the kids blush. Not that, that's difficult.....Christian Academy after all.

8. Wonders why, when you miss the last step at the bottom of your stairs AT HOME and land on your butt...you look around to see if anyone saw you. YOU ARE at HOME; ALONE...you dumbass.

That is all.
Carry on.
Nothing to see here.
Oh yeah...and Merry Christmas....or something....

And so it begins.....kinda

" Saying Goodbye is not as hard as waiting to say Welcome Home"

Actually. Saying Goodbye twice is worse.

Because of the sensitivity of some trolls (Mil.Spouses) and for reasons on OPSEC - this post might be slightly vague & possibly limited in scope; but I believe the jist of it will be clear. Maybe.

If the beginning of this military separation (I'm not fooling anyone with the use of 'separation', am I?) is anything to go by.....this will be one hell of a ride! The day of the sixth I prepared myself to say Goodbye. I did. It was unpleasant and the puppy made it harder. I swear it was something out of the 'Support the Troops' page - the puppy sitting quietly and still, as he watched his owner walk slowly away and he refused to move until Parker was completely out of sight.

Oh God. It was heart-breaking. I prefer to keep moving away; determined not to look back. But the puppy stayed at attention until there was nothing left to see. *cue the tears*

We drove home and immediately called family and friends to announce that the package was, indeed, in route. Or so we thought.

The phone rings. *gulp* " Babe, I need you to pick me up"....." WHAT!?!?!?!"..... The official & sanitized reason is, " People are f-ing stupid". The real reason is plain - military regs require military personnel and dependents who are flying on military transports to be checked in not less than 1 hour & 15 mins before the flight takes off. Our resident military member arrived at the gate at 1 hour & 17 minutes. TWO minutes too late. * cue hysteria*

At approx. 1230 am, yours truly was in the car; with the puppy; a strong cup of coffee and absolutely NO IDEA how I was going to get to BWI, as I had no GPS or any experience driving 3.5 hours North of my home. At 1230 in the morning.
A few things I must add here
1. I'm night blind
2. I'm night blind.
3. I have no GPS and my Mapquest directions didn't print clearly enough to read because the ink ran out.
4. Just north of Richmond (and 2.5 hours from BWI) I ran into a massive storm front - pouring rain, high winds and limited visibility.
5. FOG.
6. NO idea where I'm going.
7. I'm night blind and haven't slept since 0830 the previous morning.

This can't end well.

I can't Thank my Mom enough for staying on the phone with me as I drove - keeping me awake and calming my nerves as I crept up the Interstate while being boxed in and nearly run over by numerous big rigs.

As I approached the first hurdle - D.C. - I realized this was a really bad idea. Pouring rain.....no way to see more than 10 ft. in front of the car, going 70. This is not good.
The next hour and half was spent doing the following.....

• Screaming at Parker on the phone - he was my GPS and my ONLY way to navigate through DC at 2:30 in the morning. 
• I hit construction....no road markers, no signs....and a lot of guessing. 
• Hit a pothole at 70 while the car next to me swerved into my lane....AHHHHHHHHH, I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!
• Navigating the BWI beltway.....in the rain.....with Parker barking directions and losing the connection as I hit a major junction. FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK. Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe.....LEFT!!!!!!!!
• Chain smoking my way to BWI.
• Making it to BWI....minus my sanity. 

As I approached the arrival terminal at 4:00am, I saw Parker sitting on the curb. I fly up to him and leap out of the car, screaming " I GOTTA PEEEEE"..... he tries to hug me as I flap my arms, running into the airport. Dude, I gotta pee....I had to pee since hitting the 295. ARGHHHHH.

Hugs, laughs and one swift punch to Parker's arm....we left the airport....again. This time plus one.


A military wife somewhere is going to read this and say, " Really? You are so lucky to have him home for one more day and night. Be grateful". And I was. But all I could think about was having to say Goodbye. Again.

Needless to say, the package took off without further incident in the early hours of Thursday morning. With an extra night of snuggles and love. *don't you judge me*

I realized that this is our life. These are the crazy adventures that make my life with him so amazing; despite the damaging affect it may have on my calm.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.
Safe travels My love.
I'm here.
And always willing to come and get you, no matter where you land.
I got this.