Oh dear......

I should be doing something else, but I got side-tracked. I made the mistake of reading the opinions of fellow military wives, and after ten minutes I realized I was sitting at my computer - slack-jawed and wondering where these people come from?

Of course I just had to come here and release my inner "whineiness" before I write something every hateful to some of these people. Thank God for a blog.

~ Family first? What a wonderful thought; if only it were that easy. No, unfortunately when you have a spouse in the military; mission comes first. And please do not assume that because your spouse *has* to put the mission or job first, that they don't care about family, or that they do so lightly. IT'S the MILITARY; they have NO choice. Do you really think that they would prefer to work 16 hour days and never have time with their children or spouses? Of course not. But the reality of it is; they have to.

And yet that isn't what really irks me about the complaint so many military spouses use. Its that they seem to think that the military is the ONLY job that requires this of you. Really?

I have a brother-in-law that is former military; and not too long ago we had this same discussion. The civilian world is just as brutal. There are always deadlines to meet, or heavy workloads that must be maintained. If there is a project or a need to get some work related issue taken care of....the spouse has to put that before loved ones. Its a fact of life. The work load and ability to remain competitive is what keeps you in a job and food on the table. In this economy there are always 10 people waiting to take your job and probably do it faster and for less money.

And using the " well, at least your spouse doesn't have to be gone for long periods of time doing something dangerous" is not accurate, and its slightly ignorant too.

My closest friend has a husband who works away from home for 6-8 months out of EVERY year. He never knows when he is leaving, when he will be home, and how long he can stay at home for any one visit. His job is dangerous and often very lonely. He's a commercial diver.
I have another friend who is a firefighter/EMT - he has to pull 24/48 hour shifts weekly, and his job is inherently dangerous and random.
My brother-in-law works for a large corporation and although it isn't dangerous it often calls on him to leave home for business related situations with less than 12 hours notice, and without the knowledge of when he will return.

All of these cases are hard and carry with them hardship, and uncertainty - and guess what they don't get free housing, extra pay for being away from home, fam. sep pay, or hazard duty pay.

BUT - it does put food on the table, and offers stability which is the bottom line for many families, military or otherwise.

Look ladies, it sucks, I know that as it does for every other spouse in the world. But rather than point out where your spouse is at fault, take the time to thank them for what they have to go through to support YOU.

Octopussy.

No, its not some dirty porn site, or some take off of a James Bond character - its worse than all of that.

Is it a plane?

Is it a a new Superhero?

No, its a misguided, pathetic excuse for a parent.

Oh, goody.

I have been watching the great saga of the Octuplets mom for a while - I have sat at my little computer and scanned through all the drama, the headlines, and the miscellaneous slander aimed at this crazy woman. I have tried to see though all the information with the hope that I might understand or even justify why someone would feel the need to be a crop rotation device for the sake of having more children than you could possibly handle or properly care for.

In the end I could be silent no more.

I have complete sympathy for the thousands of couples out there than want nothing more than to have a child of their own. For these parents it is a deep need to love and care for someone that is bigger than themselves. All too often these parents waste away thousands of dollars of their savings and security on the small chance one treatment will give them all they hoped for. I understand their despair. My sisters have been there and I have seen what it can do to a couple when mother nature throws them a wild card.

But.

This is past all of that. This woman is not only making a mockery of these peoples dreams and sacrifice, but she is taking advantage of everyone in the State of California. I'm a Californian and I take great offense. How dare you sit there and tell a nation that you did what you did because its what *you* want? Really? How about what *YOUR* children NEED and what *YOUR* children want out of their lives. What kind of mother, let alone counselor, puts the needs of themselves before the needs of their children?

I can't help but wonder how many people in the great State of California are really that sympathetic to your cause. After all there are at least a thousand current civil servants who will be losing their jobs this week, and yet they will watch you get thousands of dollars a week in free medical care, benefits, and education help. I'm sure when they are looking at their own children and wondering how they are going to support them; they will bare in mind the multi-million dollar leach that won't have to worry about the same problem.

There are several members of my family and extended family that work for the state of California- they range from firefighters, to retirement advisers, to teachers. So, yeah, its fucking personal. I don't know about you Octopussy but I prefer to have emergency services available to me and my family when we need it. I prefer to have teachers to educate my nieces and nephews. I prefer to have my grandparents receive their hard earned retirement checks.

What I don't "prefer" is to have someone lie you be the poster child for what is wrong with our state and federal system of benefits. I don't 'prefer' to see you take money from our education system to support your child-bearing hobby, or self-esteem issues. What I don't 'prefer' is to see you drag innocent children down with you as you spiral into a self-obsessed, justified martyrdom status of what it is to be a parent. Becuase guess what you silly twat - what you are doing is NOT what a parent does. What YOU are doing is what they classify in psychology circles as HOARDING.

Yes, that's right Hoarding. You would assume that a psychology major would recognize that? You seem to think that you are doing something noble but in the end you are hurting these children; and here's a newsflash - they won't forget it. Good luck with that.

The bottom line here is; someone should be reasonable for for the actions of this woman, because as far as I can see she didn't and couldn't act alone. The parents of this silly botch should be held partly accountable. The medical establishment who allowed this should be held accountable. The state of California and the eduction system should hang their heads in shame for enabling this bullshit to continue.

Oh, look there is another good word Ms. Octopussy should know - Enabling.

Poor Judgement

*Yeah I'm back dating my blog - several of the recent blog entries have been drafts for awhile - the subject of this blog is not to those who know better, its for those that don't care to know. My non-crazy folks will have heard this rant before....oh, lucky you! :)*

I tell myself "I'm fed up", or " I'm done." But I have never mastered the freaking follow through. I suppose I just write it off as experience and something I should learn from. But I never learn, do I? I think it boils down to poor judgment. I honestly believe at this point, a 5 year holding a box of matches and ready to strike, has better judgment skills than I do.

I'm really starting to wonder what kind of vibe I am giving off that makes others around say, " Hey, there's an easy mark...Ready, Aim, Fire!!!" I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I could drop and roll fast enough; I'm like a freaking Lemming as I walk directly at the crazy bullet. Ooooo, pretty flash.......

I don't really care at this point if I make sense - and I guess that's the point isn't it? I don't have to. I know what is going on, the trick is fixing the problem.

I'm getting very tired at this point.

I'm tired of being there for everyone, no matter the cost to me and my sanity. When I make that chice to be there I do so because I care. Yet, somehow, people have recently taken my ability care and made me rethink why I should. There have two in my life right now who get it, and God Bless them. But for every two folks that get it, there seems to be four who don't.

I'm a little hurt, I can't lie, homes.

I am the type of person that isn't very demonstrative, unless I really know you, and feel I can trust you. That circle is very small. Sorry, but trust should be earned, and not given because you ask or expect it. I've tired to explain this to so many people recently, and rather than understand I get blank looks, and they take it personally. Now I'm the bad guy. I can't change who I am, and I'm sure I should have to. You really haven't given me any reason to, have you?

Am I surplus to requirements?

I have to work. I have to go to school. I have home, and a husband. I have other friends, family, responsibilities. I need my time. But for some reason people think its them only or nothing. Why? I also seem to meet people that don't like my other friends or will only talk to me when they need something or what to do something. Really? What is wrong with you? Can't we all just get along?

So the bottom line is - that's it. I'm not sure what you people want from me, or need from me, but I haven't got anything left.

I can't spend all my time worrying about what you need, what want, and if I'm doing enough to help and make things better. Because honestly, most of the time I'm not ok. I need help too. And to my surprise you are never there.

* God Bless those of you that are still there for me - you are the reason I keep going, and you know who you are....I need to be better friends to you guys, and stop wasting my time with the subjects of this bitter post.*

I see dumbness....

To be more specific I see really dumb situations that can only end in pain, loss, and bad ju-ju.

As much as I complain and bitch about parental stupidity; I realized over the weekend why I get so freaking pissed - the kids. I'm a childfree person by choice but that doesn't mean I'm this way because I *hate* children. IN fact, I love kids....that's why I'm not a parent. You see I recognize the fact that I am selfish, impulsive, lazy and have no drive to steer a child through the big, bad world of life.

But there are some parents that inhabit my general area and I'm seriously in awe of the lack of parental responsibility and the fact that because of their lack of common sense one of these kids is going to get hurt.

Question One -

Would you let your 8 or 9 year old slide down a snowy hill that dead-ends into a major two way street with no guardrail? In fact would let your child do this - unaccompanied with only other small children in attendance??????

I watched as a group of children - the youngest was about 7 and the oldest looked to be around 12 - sledding down a snowy hill into moving traffic. We almost smushed one!! And there wasn't a SINGLE adult in sight. What the hell????
The road that these kids were darting into was on a curve; a blind corner. The lane closest to the kids sledding was on the 'blind' corner side. Thankfully, no one was hurt in the making of this Darwinian Award moment.

Question Two

Would you let your young children play in a construction zone?

Doesn't anyone watch AFN commercials?? LOL. But seriously do you really need a commercial to tell you that a construction area is not a great place to allow your kids to play???

The area that these little ones were playing was an open trench -(contractors are replacing all the main water lines)- a trench that is deeper than they are tall. This area is surrounded by bulldozers, unsecured sections of large pipe, and other drilling equipment.

Why doesn't you give them some broken glass and matches? Really!!!!

YOU OUTTA the POOL!

Finally.....

Question Three -

Do you let your little Girl Scout daughter go door to door selling cookies BY HERSELF??? O.M.G.

Firstly, no door to door...not on base baby. Secondly just because you are on a base doesn't ensure safety for your child! Anyone could be on the other side of that freaking door; what the fuck is wrong with you?

I know there are great parent out there. Those good parents are going to read this and be as shcoked as I am . But if you aren't shocked and angry at the sheer retarded-helmet wearing- knuckle dragging- stupidity of these poor excuses for parents....well, then *you* are the problem.....go lick a window and leave parenting to those who get it.

Karma's Little Sister - Fairness

I'm not good with feelings; actually I'm not great with emotions full stop. I can barely handle my own, but yet somehow I feel the need to help others. Maybe that's how I deal with mine.

I suppose this blog is dedicated to all of us; all of those people out there that aren't sure what to do, or how to handle all of 'this'. It going out to all you people that need a shoulder, and need to just get it out. And maybe its just for me; becuase sometimes something just hits you, and you want to help someone close to you....and this is how you help.

Its not fair, is it? Those people in your life that come to you in small doses and no matter how doses you get it's never enough. Or maybe that's just something you realize afterwards. I've never really figured that out myself. Hindsight is so much clearer, right?

Still it doesn't seem fair. These moments we get with those we love. They are never enough; they are never long enough. And those people don't deserve this. We don't deserve this. Some people live forever with the slightest regret for what they mean to others, without care for their actions, or the pain they bring onto other around them. They deserve it, we don't.

But.....

Maybe that's the point. Maybe they are here with us for exactly the time we need them to be. They are here to teach us something we are yet to understand, or even fully appreciate. But it is with us always, and that's the point.

If we had them with us forever we would take for granted what they meant to us. We would lose the bond we had; time is precious and forces to be close for what is inevitability limited time. To have someone close to you for all time would mean not learning, or coming to understand what they are to us, and what they left behind.

We need to have then with us, but we also need to learn from from the time we spent with them. As corny as it sounds they come to us for a reason and I have always thought that because of this they are never really gone; they never really leave us.

They ARE our memories, our belief system, our need to be more, our need to connect with our partners, our children. They are what drives us to be more, they are the lessons of the past showing us a future. They are a legacy of hope, they are our conscious, they are the reason we love.

They are us.

Nothing is bottomless when you have friends and family to hold your hand, and memory of why you need to hold someone's hand.

Randomness

Just a little randomness to brighten your day - and when I say brighten; I mean really mean it will make me happy - I'm sure you will care less.

Ok.

Post Office Madness.

It's cold. It's wet. We are all standing in a line that isn't moving, and yet, we can't leave because we really want the crap we ordered off Amazon - yes, everyone who lives in Germany is ordering crap off of Amazon -. We are all on our lunch breaks. We are all in a hurry to get on with the next part of our Craptastic day.

Except you.

It was cute for about 10 seconds.

Your little "angels" are driving the rest of us insane. And they are going to get hurt.

Really...is it a great idea to let a two year old play in the doorway of a automatic door with gale force winds and rain that could probably blow his little ass out the freaking door? Not only is it stupid, I'M FUCKING COLD because he won't let the door shut. Oh, fabulous I'm also getting rained on, as are the two other people in front of you. AWESOME.

Hey MOM....yeah, your little angel is currently running out of the front door and you don't seem to care. FANTASTIC!

They are rolling around in the middle of an already cramped hallway; now people have to step over them, or try and squeeze by them without smacking them in the head with a size eleven! OUTSTANDING!

We are all about ten feet away from the pick window because your kid will not move forward, and is licking the window. DID YOU FORGET HIS HELMET MOM?

I can't make this shit up people. I may sound a little bitter, and for awhile I thought I was the only one ready to schooled the little one. Oh no. I was surrounded by other folks, other parents, that were ready to beat the crap out of mom for being a dumbass.

That made me happy.

Chatty Cathy & Nosy Nellie

OMG. LOL. IDK. my BFF, Jill. (Shamelssly taken from Goerge Lopez)

But I'm sure what else to say! Actually I do know what to say....Ha.

Who the hell thinks its okay to go to their next door neighbors and say, " Oh, I saw movers here, and because I know you aren't supposed to be moving until the summer, I was being NOSY and wanted to come over and find out what was going on". O.M.G. Really?????. On top of that, imagine if you thought it was okay to let your dogs wander into your house -French doors in the back were left open- and wander around asking what was happening here.

Oh yeah...the flip flops would be coming off Homie.

This little incident is real. It happened to my friend. And these people to exist. Run. Run far, far away.

When this story was related to me, my jaw hit the fucking floor. I swear to God I would have lost it.

I have to get my friend MAD PROPS for not knocking the stupid right out of this person. She instead preceded to explain; in a VERY blunt matter, why she was moving early, and that it was not really anyone else business, but Thanks for asking. And to my and my friend's amazement the person stayed and told her that the same situation had happened to her, and if my friend needed to talk, she was there to listen. Wow.

It may have been a nice offer; however >comma< the only reason you want to be a shoulder to cry on is so you can have more gossip to share with the rest of the witches you interact with. Not only that, my friend stood up for herself by leaving her piece of shit husband, whereas you are still with your loser husband. What help do you really think you can offer?

Folks, I am in awe of the pathetic and lonely nature of so many of the mil. wives that live in this area. Is your life so empty that you would wander over to a nieghbors house - someone you have never talked to before - and tell them you are nosy and want to know what you are doing, and why you doing it.

Words fail me.

Stupidity of 2009 is alive and kickin'.

A round up of Today's News.......

I have been very neglectful of my blog and readers lately. I do apologize. Life decided that I wasn't busy enough and so it took the opportunity to fling more poo in my direction. Just in case I wasn't dealing with enough shit as it was.

Oh. Joy.

So here it is. A much needed blog entry.

~ News of the Week ~

~ E.R. What you should know, but don't. ~ By our girl on Street, Me. ~

Recently our girl on the street experienced her first trip to the local military E.R. The trip began with a phone call from a close friend at around 10:30 pm - within minutes it was decided that we should get her to the ER A.S.A.P. Our girl on the street leaped into action, and immediately stubbed her toe on a chair. She decided that it might be better to slowly spring into action. Armed with smokes, an I.D and cold weather gear...she was ready to go.

In all it took almost an hour to reach said hospital - several stops on the way, and a rat maze of Germany roads hindered our usual fast driving skillz. Yeah. No fun.

We were greeted with ' Well, ma'am, I don't want to scare you off but the wait is about 2-3 hours.'. Fuck. And there began the wait of the century. Sure enough at the two hour mark we were finally called back. At this point my friend was in extreme pain, and calling for a " bucket" and telling the attending " she was damp". Oh, this is going to be fun. It's 1:30 am.

Shortly after my friend was settled into her cubicle, the real fun began.

(I can't go into too much detail....those of you in the military will understand....so please be patience with my story-telling)

Apparently an individual of a very high ranking status was brought in. Let's just say...he was an LC. Startted to go crazy, and the doctor began calling his superiors so he could be placed in Charlie ward. (short for CRAZY ward). Why am I telling you this...well for the following reasons....

1. We are in a CUBICLE. Its a sheet that surrounds us...not a wall. Therefore WE CAN HEAR EVERYTHING.

2. The attending ER staff apparently don't understand the concept of a sheet vs a wall, and are practically shouting the patient's name, rank, and medical problems to the whole ER. I know now who the patient is, what his rank is, where he works...etc. GREAT OPSEC GUYS!

3. Because of this person and his issues....we are still waiting to be seen....its 2:30 in the morning.

4. My friend is freaking out. She has a three day Migraine going on...and is about to pass out from it.

Soooooo......

We finally get seen at 3:00, and medication is administered. Better living through medication. At this point the ER area is swarming with Sr. ranking folks, their wives, bunches of attending personnel, and they are talking as if no one can hear them. Really? -- I say rather loudly that we are standing behind a SHEET...NOT A WALL. I CAN hear ya'll. And it goes quiet. For about a second and they resume their babble. Way to keep everything on the Down Low.

FINALLY, we are discharged and sent to the after hours pharmacy for meds. Sweet. We can home after this. Uh huh. After hours pharmacy is on the other side of the hospital, and its under construction. What should have taken five minutes turned into over 35 minutes. Why? Because the pharmacist got locked in his Medication closet. Oh, yeah. This is awesome! this definitely the mental giant I want dispensing my meds!!!

We leave. It's 4:00 am.

I get her home, and I get home at around 5:30. I'm in bed by 6:00.

I have to be up at 9:00. At work until 8:00.

Yeah.


Next week we will be discussing the phenomenon known as Sheepeople.