Is life too short?

Is life too short or do we forget how to make the most of it?

Is there really not enough time in the day or have we lost the ability to make use of the time we have?

Life is so amazing, so confusing, so fragile; it's a learning curve that can be slanted, steep and overwhelming at best. It is endless on a bright day, and hopeless on the darkest day. It's filled with surprises, grief, heart-ache and love. Laughter makes is bearable, tears make it clean and hope makes it worthwhile. Remembrance is it's record of times gone by, luck is its way of making it unexpected and love is what makes it fulfilling.

I sometimes stop and think to myself that I have fallen into every important moment in my life. I'm not sure that is such a bad thing? I have never really planned anything; life as offered me more than I could have asked for, and it has taken from me more than I thought I bear. I never knew how much love I could have for one person. My Papa taught me that. My husband taught me how to show that. My friends taught me how to be how I am with that. I have learned to be ok with of of that.

I sit here and smile at my fortune. I know how immensely lucky I am. I know that I'm blessed with a life that has been filled with love, happiness and compassion. How many people can say that every morning they wake up? If you haven't, then you have failed to see what you have. Money cannot buy this kind of fortune. Money and success is not happiness.

Happiness is laughter. Happiness is the smile on the face of someone you love. Happiness is unpredictable and hidden in the unexpected places. But if you pay attention to those around you, if you stop for one moment everyday you will see it. In a memory of those no longer with me I see the happiness, in the moments that I smile I see it, in the moment before I drift to sleep I look over and he reminds me of the happiness I have found.

I'm re-charged. I'm ready to take on the world. I'm ready to not be afraid anymore.

I love you.

I love you both.

You are all the reason I get up each and every morning and smile.

Thank you.

Time capsule

It my hundredth post. To commemorate this blog I want to say a few words on me, and maybe mark where I am at this point. To recap on the craziness that is me and my life.

*Welcome to my blog. Welcome to the 100th Post. Welcome to who I am & what's on my mind*

So much has happened in my life since I started this blog. This blog was addition to several others that never really took on any life of their own. They were random spaces that I would occasionally post an enlightened comment and not return too until I was bored. But this one; this one is different. I'm not sure why. Maybe its an unexplainable need to vent, talk and share what is going on inside my head. All I know is it is my place. It is my little part of cyber space to blurt out what I need to say, my release valve, my voice when I'm not sure how to tell those around what I need to.

Thanks for listening.

Here is where I'm after one hundred blogs.....

I'm married. I have been for almost six years!!! They have a crazy six years and have shaped the person who writes to you now. I have grown-up, matured and found true acceptance. I never allowed myself to believe that I could find someone like Aaron, but somehow he found me and we never looked back. I'm truly blessed and forever happy. In the end that is all that matters the rest is just meaningless without him in life. And there is something incredibly comforting in that. - Love you babe. Always have, and always will.-

I have crazy family members. I love them all. I have never lost sight of how important they are, how much they have helped shape the person I have become and continue to be. They are strange, annoying, needy, unpredictable, and overwhelming - but they are there for me, and I for them. No matter how far I travel , I know I always have a home I can go to. There is a family I can lean on, there is hope and kindness that can only be given by those you raised you and loved you unconditionally. I have lost so many of those people, but I have to remember that for all I have lost, there is more to remember and more people who still remain. I love you all.

I have my great people in life. These people are not my relations but they are just as important, and at times I;m more grateful for their affect on my life. They are as much a part of my family as my blood relatives. They include my friends, my married family and everyone who passed through my life and taught me something. You are all my family. I will never forget your patience, kindness and acceptance of my quirks, my needy actions, and my endless moodiness. I would do anything for you. When a person can step back and look at the people in their and smile....life is good. And if that is only one person, that's all you need.

I am a military wife. I am endless proud to stand among this group of people and be counted. I'm proud of my husband's sacrifice and his commitment to something so much bigger than himself. This life doesn't define who I am, but it does make me thankful for everything I have and why I have what I do. I have meet some of the great people because of this life I share with my military man, and that is something few other people can say. Semper Fi, baby. Hooah.

I'm Latina. I know I don't look the part or speak the language with any kind of proficiency, but it who I am. It is my blood. It is my family history. I am proud to be Latina, and I try everyday to honor the tradition that I come from. I'm a Martinez Girl, there are 4 of us, and we are proud. My little sister and I will be the first Martinez Girls to get our college education and we will be proud to have Martinez on our degrees and hold our heads high! Muy bien!

No more regrets. No more fear. I'm here and I'm happy and I couldn't possibly ask for more in life. I know how fortunate I am. I'm blessed. I'm content. I'm happy to be called wife, friend, sister, daughter, and Latina.

I'm not afraid anymore.

Welcome to the world of me.

Take me....just spare my car!!!!

Its okay...Mommy's here......

Should one person be so attached to their car that they would sacrifice themselves to save it....yeah, probably not. Its not nearly that dramatic. I love my car, this much is very apparent to anyone who has been in the car with me when I reach Mach 5 on the Autobahn...as they sit screaming " I have so much to live for!!!!". It is also very obvious to anyone who has tried to drive my car, or heard me talk about her. * Yes, I call her "her" and she has a name, Kitt* Don't judge me.

I have worked really hard for this car, and I love every minute driving her. And in some small way I think that the fate that has befallen her is both ironic, and a little appropriate for the general mood of Saturdays little excursion. The irony has not been lost on me. I will not go into the gory, dirty little details. But I will say that this weekend was a few days of soul-searching and acceptance. It was a cleansing weekend. A drinking weekend. It was the weekend that Kitt showed us what it is to come together and work together....you can learn a lot from a car breakdown. I certainly did.

A day trip to Heidelberg. I'm not sure why I thought that things would go well, or even pan out the way I thought they should. Its even that easy. Its me, after all. The three musketeers head to Heidelberg....but Kitt has better ideas.

The sensor lights on the dashboard - the ones that warn you of impending doom - yeah, well, they decided it was time to alert the passengers.....to impending doom. I have the stress capacity of a lemming. Therefore, I immediately go into - "Holycrap" mode....you know the episode of Faulty Towers when Basil's car breaks down when he trying to get dinner transported to the Hotel....and loses it, and breaks off a branch from a tree and starts beating the shit out of the car....Yeah. That was my thought process at the time. And if there has been a tree close by with a branch I could have used.....I would have gone postal on the car. Seriously. WTF.

It a 2007 Subaru. Its technically less than two years old. What the hell does it think its doing? Bad Kitt. Bad. Despite the trauma of Kitt's little blinking light fit, we trudge on with our trip. In time we forget that issue and quite happily return to the car. I'm driving and desperately trying to ignore the warning lights of death on the dash. Uh no. The ligths are there for a reason dumbass. And true to form, Kitt starts losing power. Oh, did I mention we are on the AUTOBAHN!!!

No front power + Autobahn = Sitting duck.

We limp her off the Autobahn and into the IKEA parking lot. ( For those who know me...the irony is not lost on me). And we stare blankly at the engine block. Yep, still doesn't make sense to me, and have no idea what I am looking at or what I should be looking for. We. Be. Screwed. We limp her back onto Autobahn minus me as the driver, and head for home in third gear. Don't ask me why. I don't know, she just did better in third and didn't make such a horrific noise in that gear. We made it home. Call dealer on Monday.......Yeah right!

Fucking, Goddamn German Holiday Monday!!!! ARGHHHHHH. Someone hates me.

Aaron gets her to Ramstein on Monday, but then she starts to smoke. Oh. My. God. I believe I begin to cry at this point. Aaron, being the lifesaver that he is, gets a rental car for a great price and promises me that we can solve this with minimal heartbreak. Yeah, I said it. I'm heartbroken. Kitt is my car, my baby, MINE!!!! And she is broken and I'm pissed. Not a great combo.

She is at the shop right now. They have her on life support. Subaru is saying they can't honor the EXTENDED POWER TRAIN SEVEN YEAR WARRANTY - well we shall see about that. I'm a pissed off, flip-flop-wearing Latina and I paid good money for the fucking warranty and I want my money or my car fixed bitches! Oh yes. Bring it. *breathing* I can ask all big, and bad but really the true power has been Aaron. He has been taking in the car, and talking with Subaru Corp. and doing all the guy stuff. I just sit in the peanut gallery and shout obscenities.

The bottom line is we are driving a rental and we are praying that the mechanical fuck-up that is currently my car is the result of a recall turbocharger assembly. Please, say it's true!

:::: Where's my beer?:::::

Just a little help from your friends......

Maybe you go day to day and don't realize how lucky you are. Maybe you take for granted the impact that your friends have on your life, and that they are more tolerant of you than you realize. Maybe you can afford to be slightly complacent in catching up with them, or calling them. If you can answer yes to any or all of thee maybes.....you are a lucky person. I know I am.

But I think there is more to this post than me. ( I know I was a little shocked by that too - you know because it's always about me.) Let's see how far the rabbit hole goes, shall we? Damnit. Movie Quotes are taking over this morning. I apologize in advance.

My sweetest, dearest and oldest friend has had a rough time recently. It has really hurt that I can't be there for him. I can be there for him on the phone, through emails, and random other techie-based communication but it doesn't really feel the same. Ya know? But I realized today that it didn't matter. We talked through email the past few days and he made me understand that no matter how I talk with him, I talk. He knows that I'm there and I'm listening.

"Go ahead caller, I'm listening".

But I still am very pissed about why he is upset. I have never understood why people can be so heartless and physically cruel. How dare you lay a hand on someone else in anger?? I think its good I'm not heading his way anytime soon. I'm pretty sure that if I was I would track down the douche that beat him and teach him the meaning of anger. I swear to God I would discover a new color as I beat five colors of shit out of him.

Wow. Sorry. But that's how much it bothers me. *awkward*

I just want all my peeps to know that I'm here. I always here. I never left, I just got sidetracked. I get sidetracked alot. Its the ADD. Seriously. Well, wither that or its the coffee. Yeah, that's what it is, the coffee. LOL.

I love you all, especially my best guy. I have more people that love me than I show appreciation for. I know you guys are there, and I have never forgotten it.

Have a great AF day...wait, what????

Life ..... Unplugged

Do you think its possible? Is it possible to live a life unplugged from others, from technology, from the daily reminders and distractions of work, life, and people in general? Can you see a few days when you aren't tethered to laptop, or cell phone? I can't really stand on my soapbox and condemn others for their adherence to techie devices. I'm a total sellout. I have an ipod, a cell phone and three computers. Is there a recovery group for this type of thing?

And yet, I love being connected to my family and friends. And in today's society how else can you stay connected other than through some sort of electronic communication? Email has taken over from letters; texting has replaced talking; even cell phones have a mix of both communications so that you never have to write or talk in order be connected to those you know and love. Scary, huh?

Even as I sit here and mull over my next sentence I realize that I ma throwing my thoughts and issues out the great expanse of the Internet....Cyberworld. Damn. I have totally caught the bug. Why have actual communication and sharing of ideas and thoughts when you can get online and vent to the world. More to the point, why not log on and voice your opinion without the complication of having to listen to the backlash of those who would chose to look down upon your ideas. Deep man. Deep.

I'm not sure whether I'm going for indignant or if I'm just coming off as hypocritical. I'm probably somewhere in between. I'm never just one thing or the other...I'm to lazy for that. I would rather point out what is wrong with life, society, people and wave my little fists of fury at it all.....then quietly sulk off and play with my toys. My electronic toys. Hello iPod. I suppose its easier to play the fence than to actually admit to myself that I am a whore to the electronic age, and I can't live without an email, a post, or a text a day. I feel lonely, cut-off and maybe a little lost without my computer or other electric leash.

At least I'm not writing in acronyms. LOL. GAHHHHHH!!!!

Nevermind. I tried ok?

Don't judge me....you're the one reading this ONLINE...on a computer....or for some of you even a fucking iPHONE.

You shouldn't have to ask.

I may be a lot of things. I may be slightly neurotic, and may be a little childish. I may present an image of naivety; wonder through your life with a smile and a laugh. In short there are a lot of things I have been labeled as, and even more that I gladly accept as a perfect label to describe me. I wear them as badges of honor. After all there is no greater complement or pleasure - for me anyway- than having those who you care most for describe you with such open honesty, and love.

Yet, as always in my life, there has to be one fuck up. There has to be one that takes my trust and steps all over it. And you know what?.... I'm tired of being a door mat.

I suppose I should give this person the benefit of the doubt. But there was just a tone, an attitude to her voice that just set me on edge. There was just something in her voice that made me think that she didn't really believe me. Maybe I'm too sensitive. But I really think I'm being played here, and I don't appreciate it. I accept a lot from people, and even more from those who I love, and care for. After all you guys put up with so much....I know I'm not easy to be around sometimes. LOL. I can test the patience of a saint.

But there is one thing I can't abide by: someone questioning my integrity.

AS I have said before I can be a lot of thing to a lot of people. I can be annoying and selfish; I can be silly and childish, and I can even be a righteous bitch. But I will never be dishonest or do anything deliberately hurtful to you or yours. I would never go behind your back and say or do anything that would make you question my trustworthiness.
More to the point I can't believe that a friend would think that I would do anything remotely hurtful. Never. My friends are my family. You all mean the world to me, and I'm hurt, deeply so, that someone who think I could be so obnoxious.

The bottom line here is I was warned. I was warned by those in my life who really care about me. But I didn't listen. I thought that I could handle the situation and this person on my own. I was wrong. And yet, there is a little part of me that can't help but wonder if I'm being over sensitive to the whole thing. That maybe I should give her a little more slack. That I should be more supportive.

But I'm tired of being more. I'm just me. And you shouldn't have to ask. I'm always there.