I Blame the Palsy

 9 Nov. 2011

2 months and counting.

I sometimes forget that I have Bells Palsy. At least I try to forget about it. But, it's there. Mocking me with every smile. Driving me nuts with a constant watering eye. With every 'b' or 'f' related syllable.

My name is Kristina and I have Bell's Palsy. Oh, yeah and I leak.

I can't help but get a little discouraged when I see recent pictures of myself and see a strange, lopsided grin staring back at me. It becomes more discouraging when I see that smile; or what was my smile; which was so much a part of who I was. It was my signature.....I had dimples....a shit-eating grin....& smile that projected my personality. Why am I so attached to that old smile. Because that was my protection. When you grow up with a...um...well....'a full figure'....you develop other traits to compensate for your insecurities about other things. For me, it was my smile. It was a security blanket. And now that too, seems to be different.

Now I must rely on my beauty to get through life......*I can't stop laughing either*

Seriously. It is an adjustment that many would say, " Really? It's just a smile". But for me it's everything.

But enough of the self-pity, folks. Let's focus on the madness that is Wonky Smile 2 months and counting....

• Good news is - Eye will close when I command it to do so. Bad news is....it leaks awesome. People have seen me in a store and asked if I was ok when see a stream of tears rolling down my face. My response is usually a wonky smile....but once I did reply, " My eye is sad that Target has run out my favorite eye shadow". For shame, Kristina. For shame. 
• Going to see an ophthalmologist about above situation. Maybe there is a tiny cork they can shove up there. 
• The Wonky Smile is still hanging tough. I have more control over my lips....but drinking without a straw is still unsightly & requires a bib. BUT I can drink from a straw on BOTH sides now. Small progress but I'll take it. 
• Speech is much better. But my recent trip home has shown that being tired and airplane compression does seems to hinder recovery. This fact was emphasized by an air stewardess (is that still PC to say?) who, when I asked for a straw, brought me a DAMN SIPPY CUP.  *breathing.....just gonna breathe and smile....kinda*  Better than the other one....who stared at me blankly when I asked...and she wondered why I need a straw...DUH!!!!
• My face is still tender but no longer painful. Unless a 90lbs puppy chins you.....then you have a problem. And facial twitching. And lock jaw. And general discomfort. 
• I still have to cover my eye when showering.....but I have it down to a fine art.....no more shower door incidents for me! 

* Side note - I have noticed that in times of sudden movement or if, say...a toy is being hurtled in your general facial area,....the affected eye does not shut on command.So as the rest of my face prepares for impact....the affected watches it happen. Awesome. Maybe it's my new super power?

The old saying, ' Blink and you'll miss it' no longer applies to me. Because one eye is always on point. Lucky me.

• No more drool. Which is awesome. 
• Eating is still a challenge. But then again....it always was....have you seen me work my way through a burrito....never a pleasant sight. Just sayin. 

In the end, I'm ok. I'm going to figure it out.
After all, who can actually say they sleep with one eye open? And really do it. It's my super power.
I need a bat signal or something.....




Inspired by the video blog of someone who has been living with Bell's Palsy for over a year - I thought I would try & do the same. Without the video part. Maybe pictures. But not the video. Famous last words.

So here it goes....

I was diagnosed on 11 September 2011 - but the symptoms began on 10 September 2011.  And maybe if I'm honest with myself, the symptoms began slowly over the course of the two days leading up to the event. (Yes, I call it the Event).
So for anyone who stumbles across this blog, suffering through the same situation and is wondering if you are alone, or what happens next.....here's my story.....in bullets.....cuase that's how I roll.

*Disclaimer - I have a sense of humor. I don't apologize for it but I warn you that some people are/might be offended by my feeble attempts at making light of the condition. I DO NOT make light of this condition but I find that humor and jokes make it easier to talk about and deal with. So with that said...move on if you don't find me funny and I dare ya to flame me. I have a wonky smile and I'm not afraid to drool. On you.

Leading up to the diagnosis ~

• Tingling on the bottom part of the right side of my mouth. That can't be good.....nah, I'll ignore it. 
• You know when you eat something those sickly, sweet throat lozenges and your tongue feels like it is coated in whatever nasty, ass "cherry' flavoring they put in that crap....yep. I felt as if my tongue was coated in something and kinda numb. *brushes tongue* Yep, no. 
• My eyebrow dropped. DAMNIT! How the hell am I supposed to put on my war paint with a droopy eyelid. Ok FACE....you have my attention. Although you wouldn't know it because I can't arch my eyebrow in mock suspicion.
• Slurred speech.....and I'm completely sober. Awesome. Gradual loss of muscle tone in my right side.

 So I suppose in hindsight I should have been listening to the 'subtle' cues my body was giving me. But there wouldn't have been much they could have done. And denial is such a better way to go. I didn't for a minute think i was having a stroke, which I have found is a common concern for many suffers. Strange, aren't I? I figured I was bitten by something that I was having a reaction to. God knows the bugs here in Virginia could pick you up and fly away with you.

To the doctor's I go...with a quickness.

" You have Bell's Palsy" ..... " Take enough steroids to appear before a committee hearing & lie about it as well as antivirals to treat the unknown virus if there is one.....but there might not be one.....but if there is take them." OKKKKK. Good to know.

Day 5

• Wonky smile. One side up. One side down. Who wants to smile when they can greet the world with a smirk! 
• Right eye doesn't blink....almost but not quite. *cue the pirate eye patch* ARRR, ye maties! 
• Eye drops. Dear God, they are a life saver. Flush that eyeball!!! And it helps that your eye can't fight you when the see the threatening drop of fluid flying is at your face!
• STRAWS. O.M.GEE. They are my best friend at the moment. Do you know that hot coffee is a lot cooler when you blow DIRECTLY into the coffee using a straw before you slurp up it's caffeine goodness. True story. 
• Eating is difficult. Although I can move my jaw....I haven't mastered the ability to keep on side of my mouth closed. Hilarity ensues. Small pieces placed slowly into the left side of mouth....much the same way as a chipmunk stores acorns. 
• Talking is still possible. But after a while your mouth gets tired and the speech becomes slurred. And you drool. A lot. I am currently taking applications for a personal assistant to make my phone calls, get my coffee from Starbucks and acquire provisions from local stores. Seriously. I'm not.....or am I?
• SOAP is evil. Or I'm mildly retarded. One forgets that one's eye does not not properly shut, when one is washing one's face, or one's hair. One's eye does not appreciate it. *runs out of shower....until one remembers there is a glass door there.* *shit*
• Sense of humor. Check. Takes more than a wonky smile, soapy eyeballs & slurred speech to affect that. Sho nuff. 

So there it is folks. I'm on Day 5 and I'm ok. Maybe a little more crazy, and unhinged than before but I'm gonna be ok.

I blame the palsy.