Holiday Cheer cannot be bought.

That's so me right? Not only is it soooo very me, but it also a telling statement on my current attitude. I have spent the better part of two weeks agonizing over gifts, wrapping, mailing, cards, ordering and general Christmas consumer madness. And to be very honest - I'm done. I can't help but feel a little bitter every year, but more so this year; that no matter how much I plan or don't plan; or how much I buy or don't, that it never matches my expectations. It never seems enough, or its too much. I'm constantly left womdering why do i bother; I never hear from the majority of people I send to. And yet, I feel a strange sense of duty to include these people in my Christmas craziness.

Maybe it says more about our society, or our culture, than it does about ourselves. At least that is what I would like to believe - I hate the thought that my williness to give is based on a need to be part of the holiday consumer feeding frenzy. How shallow is that? Nothing says I love you than an over-priced gift I bought merely to feed my shopping addiction. Hi, my name is Kris and I'm a shooping whore.

No that can't be right. I buy and I wrap, and I take agonzing pains to make sure I buy the right gift for the right people. I do it because I want to. I do it because of the ingrained sense of Catholic guilt. Wait. That's not right. Did I just say that out loud???? Honestly folks, I really believe that I do what I do because it will make someone I know happy, and it is the one time a year I can let them know how I feel. So I guess by that logic - if you get a crappy dollar store special, you know how I truly feel about you. :) But I digress....

Do you ever feel that you are doing all of this - and this I mean...crazy, stressful Christmas shopping - because we are raised to believe that gifts are what make the holidays special? Think about it. Would you really, truly feel like Christmas if there was no gifts waiting for you under the tree? No cards had come your way? No stockings hanging by th tree? No packages to pick up at the post office? No christmas paper, or christmas decorations? No small tokens of holiday wishings from work or family members? Baked cookies?

It shouldn't be all about the gifts and the shopping. I get it. But no matter how hard I try I get sucked in. I go to far, or I get my expectations set too high; and in the end it boils down to one thing. The loss of what Christmas is supposed to be about.

So in the Spirit of the Christmas here's a list of what Christmas should be about - for me anyway.

* My family & Friends - without you I would be lost.
* My husband - you are all I need.
* Cookies - Yeah I said it. Cheap, fun, and who doesn't love a good sugar coma?
* The smell of a Christmas tree & wreath.
* Handmade decorations - especially snow flakes, and popcorn string!
* Old Christmas movies - Nothing says Christmas like Charlie Brown, and The Original Grinch!
* Mulled wine - Its that good people.
* Fireplaces - Just perfect for setting the mood.
* The smells of christmas - baking, spices...etc.
* Christmas carols.
* Advent calendars.
* Christmas Dinnner.
* Talking to loved ones on the phone.
* Having my husband home for the holidays.


The list goes on.....

What is on your list this year?

My Karma hates me.

Karma can be many things. It can be good, it can come back and teach you a lesson; it can be whatever you believe it to be. But I am slowly coming to the realization that my Karma is a woman. It is an angry, bitter, and pissed off woman. It is constantly getting me in the middle of childish drama that I *should* see coming, but I don't until it is too late.

I'm kinda a worried that, that says more about me as a person than it does about my Karma or associated luck. Fuck.

Maybe I should just remove the crazy drama from my life.

And yet that would be too easy. And we can't have that now can we?

*>grumble, grumble<*

M.U.L.E.

I'm not sure why this particular acronym has caught my, and held my attention - because let's face it folks...I have an attention span of a nat - but I have been mulling it over since last night. A friend graced us with his presence late last night, and in our very deep conversation -( yeah, it was about as a deep as a bathtub)- he mentionedn the acronym M.U.L.E.

Can you guess what it stands for?

Married.
Ugly.
Lesbian.
Enlisted.

You see my friend has just arrived at your current base, and he is single. We began to discuss plans for the holidays and he told us he would like to go skiing somewhere in Germany, but doesn't really want to go alone. So go with someone I say. It's not so simple he replies. And here why.

M.U.L.E.

Most of who you (i.e. "he") will meet will fall into on one or more of the above categories. ( If you find the categories offensive, we didn't make em up, so don't get your panties in a twist). His particular status must be lonely; as it prevents him from socializing with a large majority of the single people on base.

Anyway, folks I just thought it was an amusing acronym, and a little sad for my friend - therefore I felt the need to share his sadness, and my musings on the subject.

Enjoy.

I'm sorry, were you saying something?

I'm back. And yes, I'm still bitter. Angry. Frustrated. But that's just how I roll.

So, as always I thought I would share some of my issues with my readers. Try to keep up.

1. Making friends at any age is difficult. I've been there, done that; and I have a lot of friends that would agree that moving to a new place is more difficult the older you get. With that said; I'm amazed and even a little hurt that people will complain about the difficulties associated with making friends. Some of these people have been approached by several people, invited to activities, as well as been introduced to other spouses. And yet, they complain that they haven't met anyone, and hate the 'group' mentality within our community. Ok. So apparently you HAVE met people, but because these people haven't met your expectations, or your needs, that is the reason you are lonely and haven't "met" anyone. Give me a break you whiney ass twat.

2. We are not responsible for your mistakes. - Bailouts. Uh, yeah. I'm not an economist nor am I political strategist. And yet, I sit watching the news, listen to the controversy over bailout plans for the Big 3; as well as the plans and pleadings of the average American and their financial woes over mortgages. *Pause* *Deep Breath*
Feel free to disagree, and keep in mind that we are homeowners too.

No. Simple and straightforward. No. I'm sorry Big 3, you are completely responsible for your current situation. You made poor choices. You continued to make cars and trucks that were not selling because you were unable or unwilling to adapt to consumer needs. More unfortunate, is you allowed yourself to be run by the very unions that are supposed to protect the workers rights, and therefore your workforce. You are out of touch, and unwilling to compromise. Learn a lesson, and move on.
I have a lot of sympathy for many, many homeowners. For many the decision to buy a home was done sensibly and with the correct loan. However, if you thought that buying a house worth 300,000 on an income that grosses 35000 on a loan of interest only, or some other bullshit mortgage loan....thinking that this wouldn't eventually come to bite you in the butt????? And you EXPECT a bailout. Um, why?
Last thought on this issue. Being military doesn't entitle you to shit. You bought a house on a 3 year tour, in the middle of an economic crisis - and are looking to the government and/or military to help you.....give me a break, dumbass.

Finally....

3. Family is frightening - Nothing brings out the craziness, or sheer greed like a family trauma. In this case a death of a very much loved head of the family. Out of respect for my Papa, I will not go into detail - it is enough to say that I am crushed by some of the things being said about each other, and the actions of some individuals. One day I believe that you will have to stand in front of a mirror, and you will have to see yourself for what you truly are. And when you look into that mirror you alone will have to deal with the thoughtless, immature actions that have brought you to this lonely conclusion.

I'm off to shop now. Retail therapy is a great stress reliever. As is coffee, alcohol, nicotine, and hanging out with my homies. Watch out A. I might just show up on your doorstep tomorrow.....no, really, I'll call first. lol.

"The World is calling; are you available?"

Nah, take a message. I'm busy feeling sorry for myself.

That just sounds like a cop out, right? Yeah, I guess it is. I have been so concerned with how recent events have been affecting my family; how my actions have affected my friendships - that I forgot about me.

Sounds like a good start for some lame ass country song, huh? I guess all I need at this point is a boyfriend named Billy, a double-wide, and pair of Daisy Dukes. Wow, what an image.

I guess it's time to take that call.