Where's the love?

I usually don't harp on and on about the issue of child free vs. having children; despite the fact that this blog is dedicated to the life of a child free military wife. Believe me, I'm laughing too.

However, over the past few weeks I have been observing a lot of discussions, and situations which involve the idea of child free vs. Mommies. As much as I try to stay of the "mosh-pit" child free debates; I felt the need to throw my hat into the ring, and offer my opinion up to the Internet community.

As I have pointed out numerous times - I'm a child free military wife - not an easy position to be in; if you know anyone or anything about the military lifestyle you will know that we are a VERY small minority. And it is the basis of my current thought-process. Military lives and children seem to be a oxymoron, or a contradiction. As a dependent of a military man, and former military brat; having children in the military can be a difficult challenge and at times heart-breaking. The extended time away, the long work hours, the uncertain work schedules, the constant change of station, the inconsistency and overall worry. Sound like a child friendly environment?

And yet, the majority of military folks have children, and they make it work. It can be done, and I applaud the couples that make it work.

My point to all of this is the a certain form of discrimination that follows us child free spouses -- our choice not to have children is as personal and meaningful to us as the choice to have children is to other spouses. And yet, we are treated differently once people realize that not only do we not *have* children; we don't *want* children. I always felt like I was imagining it; I thought that many of the other wives I didn't "hit it off" with was due to a personality conflict, or we just didn't have enough in common to maintain a friendship.

However, it slowly dawned on me that it wasn't just that I didn't have kids.....but it was because I didn't want them. Really? How can so many parents look at us and tell us we are too judgmental of their choice to breed, when you look at me and judge me before you take the chance to know me?

Our child free communities, chat rooms, groups,etc.... are all too often stereo-typed by parental figures as being naive, bitter, barren, selfish people who hate children. Without a doubt there are certain groups that are pretty brutal and militant about their views on children; but there is so much more to us... there is so much more to me, and the majority of child free folks.

The bottom line - The majority of child free people and couples do not judge your choices, and only ask to be treated with the same friendly acceptance you show your fellow parental units. We don't judge you - don't judge us.

Seasoned Spouse?

A seasoned military wife? Is there really such a thing? And if there is what exactly makes you seasoned? I'm not sure I would want to be labeled as a seasoned anything - it conjurers up an image of a side of meat slathered in too many spices. What a great thing to be compared to - smelly, bloody tough piece of unappetizing meat -. I much prefer experienced or knowledgeable spouse. Don't you?

Sorry I get distracted easily.

Again, I have to ask what exactly makes you seasoned, or should I say, experienced? Is it time? I'm not sure if that really works. I have met many spouses that have more than 10 years in the military life. The majority fall into two categories - they are either bitter, or completely immersed in their husband's career that they have forgotten who they are or what they want. Of course there are always exceptions to that rule, and those exceptions are the wives I call friends. :)

Is it that they have a larger knowledge base than newer spouses? I suppose that is obvious, since spouses with more than 5 years are bound to have more information than a brand new spouse. Right? Well, not necessarily. There are many spouses that have been in for quite sometime, but have only experienced one or two PCS's and although they have a foundation of useful facts on certain bases, or stateside moves - they may not know about overseas bases, or extended TDY's, or (insert option here). It doesn't make them any less a military wife, however, it proves that time in does not equal all knowing.

Is it that they have a strong understanding of military protocol, standards, regulations...etc. Maybe. However, I pretty sure there are few active duty members that could quote all protocol, or reg. and know how it applies to each and every military member and their specific job req. Even if they did have such unlimited knowledge - it proves they have too much time on their hands, and need to get a hobby....with real people they can talk with.

So what makes you an 'experienced' spouse?

~ Admitting that you don't know everything - and taking the opportunities to learn from others who have been there, and done that....no matter how long you have been in the military life.

~ Common sense. You don't need a book on being a military wife to explain to you that most of what we go through can be dealt with using common sense. An experienced spouse will know that squadron rumors, or unsupported wife gossip is not a value tool in knowing how to deal with TDY's, deployments...etc. Common sense will be a key quality in any spouse, no matter how long you have been doing this.

~ Bitter. Who am I to talk right? But I'm bitter about stupid people, and retarded shit that only happens to me. I'm NOT bitter about being a military wife, or the associated crap that comes with it. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, and I have only myself to blame if I ever saw it otherwise.
Bitter, angry spouses should never been seen as a good source of info, or help. I don't care if they have been in 20+years, been to every base you want to go to, and have been through double-digit deployments. If they see everything as the glass half full, or everything that is wrong with their lives ins the fault of the military....BACK AWAY SLOWLY & RUN in the opposite direction.
Everything they tell you will be tainted with anger, resentment, bitterness, and out of date info - a lot changes on a base in 15 years.

However, they serve an important purpose - what not to be in 15+ years.

In my humble opinion you need all of the above qualities or outlooks, and some of the following ~ Faithful, honest, straight-forward, confident, committed, open, friendly, and most of all slightly crazy!!! :)Its not easy living the way we do; but it even harder being our active duty counterparts - never forget that.

~ Its not a super power; isn't not the the 'toughest' job in the military; we aren't special because of who our spouses are; its just different.~

Vandalism - Art of the Uneducated Dumbass

Vandalism - The art of underage douchebags without the ability to form whole sentences or even spell whole words. Most often this form of "art" or " writing" can be demonstrated by individuals with the mental capacity of a nat, and is often used to communicate to other similarly educated mental giants. The brightly colored paint of choice is usually chosen for its attention grabbing qualities; because most of these 'artists' have the attention span of Lewis Black after four cups of black coffee; and without the pretty colors they would lose interest in what they are painting and forget why they were there. These individuals can be recognized by there brightly-colored, highly flammable, puffy bomber jackets; jeans straining to remain belted to the ass, and are four inches too short; knuckle-dragging; and general drooling, blank-stared, mess of a kid. Oh, and they usually can be seen with female groupies - just imagine all that was previously described but with streetwalker make-up, and harpie screeching-like voice.

Too harsh?

Nah. Here's why.

In the past week there has been a disturbing trend of gang-related vandalism, and other related activity in my neighborhood. The new developed base housing - which took more than two years to build and develop- has been the target for thousands of dollars of vandalism in just a few days. This activity hasn't been isolated to the new housing division. The new playground equipment, and walking bridge has also been targeted.

Of course I don't live in the affect areas, and I don't have children - so you might ask yourself why do I care - and here's my answer.

1. I may not live in the housing division, but my fucking tax dollars paid for it, and now more of mine and yours tax monies are going towards the repairs. Just one garage door is $5000 to replace, and they vandalized several. Therefore, our tax money will be spent replacing the door, keeping military families in TLF longer because of the repairs to the houses, as well as the extra money going to contractors to fix, and re-paint. Lovely.

2. Gang activity. I come for California. I know gang activity. In my experience the gangs are a result of low-income, angst riddled, disadvantaged teenagers that have economic reasons for being involved in gangs. It might sound like a stereo-type but I have worked with some of these kids, and I can sympathize with their need to feel apart of 'family' and unfortunately a family can be in the form of a gang.

And yet, the 'wannabe' gangster of this base are ridiculous and would be crying like little bitches if they were dropped into the real life of gangs. What the fuck do you middle-class, military brats get from posing as "Bloods". Really? You won't last two minutes in the hood. You're attempt at creating the 'Hood' in base housing is laughable. And Highly annoying.

3. Now its personal. Not only is my money being used to fix your sad ass attempts at being gangster; but it is forcing children to play in the playground behind my building (because you fucked up the new one), but you are causing me to lose sleep, and I *KNOW* one of you little mistakes is living in my stairwell.
I was lucky enough to spent a night listening to you and your little science-experiments running up and down the stairwell, and then running around base trying to avoid the cops trying to find your assess.

I know where you live. I know who your piss poor excuse for a parent is. And I'm not happy. Not a good combination for you.

One more thing.....

Where the HELL are the parents!!!!!! Who leaves a 16 year old kid alone and expect them NOT to do something retarded? Don't EVEN try to justify it or play dumb. How at 2:30 am do you not hear, see, or know where your teenage child is? You self-serving twat.

You have made this personal. The flip-flops are coming off, and I'm going to beat some common sense into you.

Time.

Its been a long year. Some moments have been all too fleeting; while others have passed with little significance. Perhaps it is in the moments of insignificance that I find myself dwelling on as I see in a new year. A second of my life in which I was unable to see past my own needs; unwilling to make a little extra moment last longer with someone I cared very deeply for. And now that moment has passed me by and I find the only thing left in its place is sadness and regret.

So maybe this year I should make one resolution - time. There is a abundance of it for most people. And in some ways I ,too, have an abundance of it. But sometimes I find each day melting into the next with little time left for myself, or for those I truly care about. All too often the precious moments I manage to steal for myself are taken over by those who don't appreciate the sacrifice I have made to make that time available. They take of it without thought or regard for what it has cost me.

Maybe that says more about me than it does about the limitations life puts upon us.

I was taught a great many things by the men in my life. I was taught self reliance, loyalty, respect, and above all integrity. Maybe I should take the gift of time and think about what I have done to honor the men that have taught me these important life lessons.

~ To the great men and women that have passed through my life - Happy New Year and Thank you. Papa, Dad, Jim, David, & Nana - I miss you more with each passing moment. I will never forget the lessons you taught me, or the support you showed me even when I deserved no such loyalty. You have made me the person I ma today, and I will continue to make you proud.~

Happy New Year to all who pass through here. Make the most of everything you have been given; if not for yourself, for the people who sacrificed so much so you may have so much more.

Merry "whatever" X-Mas.

-- The 'X' is for JC on the Cross Hahahahahahaa. That's for you A. --

The bitch is in the House - let the bitching commence.

A little down this Christmas and I believe I know what has brought on my Holiday malaise; Germany. Sorry Germany. Its nothing personal; but I'm not sure we are good together. We are too different. I can't change and neither are you; but we can still be friends. Call me sometime.

I have lived overseas 15 out of my 30 years of life. I love all the amazing opportunities I have had, and continue to have that living overseas offers. And yet, I find myself falling into a funk. I feel slightly incompatible with my adopted country; although I know it is merely circumstantial and it will pass I thought I would write a list of why we can no longer see each. *makes me laugh to talk of Germany as a relationship....so suck it up and laugh too damnit*

~ Cellphones - Just take my word for it. Buying minutes is insane, and getting a plan is highway robbery! Aaron's iPhone bill is killer. Not to mention all the freaking message services are in German. Gah.

~ Getting Gas - Uh yeah. Gas cards are ridiculous, time-consuming, and never work properly. This week someone genius put in the wrong numbers for the price change and it deducted $7.00 a gallon on people's ration cards. Epic. Fail.

~ Shopping - Now this is a Catch-22 situation. Although it is freaking awesome to buy certain items in Europe; it comes with a downside of cost, and compatibility. If the dollars sucks against the Euro, buying in the economy will break you, and even if the Euro is weaker and we get more for the buck......not all European furniture or electronic items are compatible with US homes, and lifestyles.
On the flip side of this argument is if you can't or won't shop on the economy - you have the BX as the alternative....see next entry.

~ BX - Where do I start. Poorly stocked is the biggie...never enough of anything, and the stuff they do have is tacky,cheap, and highly flammable. The linens look like someone ate butterflies, pooped rainbows, and used a comforter to wipe their ass - comforters that are never in King size anyway so I don't know why I look or am so bitter. The clothing section is enough to make you fall into a epileptic seizure, or die laughing at the size selection and cost. I swear the people who order for this dept. are color-blind, bedazzler-happy, miniature FuBu wearing hoochies that have the fashion taste of a streetwalker. Yeah, its that bad. So bad I won't even start on the rest of the depts....I could be here all night.

~ German road system - ARGHHHHHHHHHHH. Imagine if you will a road that could only accommodate one and half car widths, factor in 80-90 mph speeds + ALL signs are in a foreign language you barely grasp + on-coming traffic + American sized vehicle. And the screaming commences. As does finding God. Autobahns Good. Country roads Bad.

I could, and probably will continue this later but for now I will stop. Germany and indeed, Europe is a amazing place. I would never regret my time here. However, as much as a German bride would be very out of place in US, and feel overwhelmed by the language barrier, cultural differences, and overall strangeness; we too feel that way here in Germany. We will always be friends you & I....but we can never be together. Forget me, you deserve better.

*Giggles*