What did you see? A smile?
It is amazing to me how much I took for granted the simple act of smiling. The ability to eat and drink with my whole mouth. To taste a new recipe I just made or to talk on the phone with my family. I will never take these things for granted again.
A week ago I started to feel a intermittent 'smoothness' or numbness to part of my tongue. I did think much about it. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. The following day I sitting on the porch, talking with my mom and I realized that it was becoming increasingly difficult to drink my coffee and control my lips as I talked. Alarming. As the day progress so did the strange change in my facial abilities.
By the following morning the right side of my face had become completely useless and I had no control over it. Awesome. I'm dying. It has to be a stroke. Panic ensues. Parker rushes me to an emergency clinic.
After a brief check over by the doctor, he leans back on the wall and looks at me says, " Do you want to know what you have?" I stare at him blankly -(partly because I can't move half my face & partly because I thought if I don't I will leap across the room and beat him for asking such a STUPID FUCKING question) OF COURSE I WANT TO KNOW YOU ASS. He looks at me and tells me I have Bell's Palsy.
Bell's Palsy - discovered by Sir Scot Bells - It is an inflammation of one of the major cranial nerves that controls muscle movement in your face. The increased inflammation causes partial facial paralysis. Causes are infections, head trauma, autoimmune diseases, Lyme's Disease, Herpes virus. Recovery can be anywhere from days to weeks, to years.
Cue the tears.
I have had no infections, no trauma, no medical lead up to this. My doctor has referred me to a neurologist. I'm taking enough steroids to make Major League Baseball players look like pussies. And an antiviral medication five times a day.
Cue laughter.
I have been trying to take it easy and re-learn how to do the most simple daily activities. Here's what I have learned.
* Straws have always been my favorite thing to use - now they are essential. I am the girl that steals extra ones from the fast food place so I always have extras in my purse. Don't judge - they are pre-wrapped and Walmart hasn't figured out how to market those bad boys yet.
* Soap is the enemy. My right eye doesn't shut all the way. Imagine washing with SOAP and not being able to close your eye. Wash cloths are AWESOME!!! Burning in the eye is not.
* Eating is a challenge. And not fun to watch. At least I might lose some weight!!! * insert wonky smile here*
* Talking is an effort. But as any good girl will tell you......you make do. Phone calls are an essential part of my day. I will NOT give in. Just bear with me.
* I already have my Halloween costume picked out. Two face from Batman. You gotta have fun with it, right?
* My family and friends are amazing. It's gonna be O.K.
* Parker has been amazing. He has held my hand and told me it's gonna be O.K. - He smiles at me and giggles when I try and smile back - which makes me giggle more. He reminds me that no matter how frustrated I get.....this too shall pass. I love you.
* I'm NOT going to let this get to me. All the horror stories. All the possibilities of problems and side effects are NOT going to slow me down or worry me into mental breakdown. I'm gonna be OK. I'm a Martinez. We GOT this!!
I'm going to keep smiling my wonky smile. I'm going to keep upbeat and make fun of my new face. Humor is the best medicine.
And when that cashier at Target or the food store look at me, and ask me in an overly friendly *oh you poor mentally retarded girl* voice, " Do you need help to your car", or my favorite - when they talk extra loud and slow so I can understand - I will smile my wonky smile and say " I'm sick NOT stupid". Or what the hell....I'm simply play it up and accept the help. Why not, right??? Hahahaha.
I'm still me. And I'm still awesome. It's going to take more than a wonky face to bring this bitch down. WHA-CHA!!!!
